Respect is not learned by being told to "behave" but by being given respect. From day one on.

Yes! This!

This is my uncle in a nutshell.

I am sure I have as many parental failings as anyone else (possibly more) but I've never understood this one, even if a parent does stick to not being angry. I've always said to my kids that if they've wronged someone, by accident or on purpose, then that person has a right to be angry. Of course they also have a responsibility about how they behave, just because you let someone down or scratched their car or whatever doesn't mean they can now hit you or pour personal insults on you. But yes, they have a right to express how they feel and you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you're less of a person, it means you're taking it on the chin as you should. I then talk about how these things will come out somehow and that person will always end up angry at some point, and it's a million times better to be upfront and in control and deal with it as soon as possible, than for them to find out you've lied and hidden it from then. Boy, then they're really going to be furious.

Failure is a great teacher. Frankly so is pain. To a point, if you don’t let them fail, they will freak out when they do, and they will.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU

It's one thing to put a kid in someone else's shoes to show them shaming someone for being different isn't cool. But what this one means is it's toxic to actually cause traumatic humiliation and embarrassment for something like soiling the bed at night, or publicly shaming them just because they did something wrong at home.

It will also lead to children learning very quick how to hide stuff and lie.

EXACTLY. I remember being hit by a boy in kindergarten, and the teacher told him he couldn't hit me because I was a girl. I was FURIOUS. 'I've got a right to be hit! I WANT TO BE HIT!' Long story short, my parents got called in along with the parents of the boy and there was a whole thing about it.

"Stop f*****g crying or I will slap you" one or my dads greatest hits

That said, you have to allow that parents do know their children and they do know when a child 'isn't hungry' because they have a standard main course and can't be bothered, but half an hour later are going to be whining in the kitchen because they're hungry and can they just have some biscuits or crisps. There's a balancing act, this is why parenting is harding than it looks on the surface.

I have an acquaintance whose son's answer to being told "no" is "I love you", like that should change the answer to yes.

I refused to be like my brother in school simply for that reason. My parents always used that line on me and I HATED it. Not just because my brother was a huge d**k head and a bully.

Isn’t it crazy how some parents have this mentality? It never even crossed my mind when I had my kids, did everything I was supposed to do, especially the essentials.

Yes! My parents always yell at me together. It's a team job. But it does have the effect of alienating neither of them. And I get my own back when it's my turn to lay the table--I give them sporks instead of forks.

I was chastised because I was teaching my younger brother how to wash clothes and prepare meals after our mom died. He was only twelve, but I was ten years older. I felt like he deserved a boost to be able to fend for himself and clean up after himself.

There is a small step before explaining EVERYTHING about your decisions - sometimes you have to make a decision because otherwise your electricity will be cut off, and telling the truth will unnecessarily cause your child to worry about the household finances when they are much too young to grasp every nuance or be able to do a damn thing about it and becomes one of those people who watches every single penny well into adulthood even though they have a good job and a comfortable life. Sometimes "because" is the right answer to protect a child.

wait what do people even do this??? I was only told to change if I was in PJ's!

Happened in another way to my brother and me too. We inherited from an aunt each 2000 €. Parents never gave even a cent and spent all on debts them had run up. My brother was 15, I was 18.

Sorry, but if things (like grades) are slipping, that PS5 is mine until things improve. I couldn’t possibly care less about who bought it. That’s not abuse, that’s setting boundaries.

If it is money the child has earned themselves or it left to them by another, it is THEIR money. If you did things right, they will know not to waste it and may actually save it.

Yeah when I was younger and played soccer very heavily creating me to be pretty good at it. I was having a hard time expressing myself to my parents and they threatened to take away my soccer. Which at the time was really my only way of getting out of the house besides school. And I had worked for more than 6 years on becoming one of the top soccer players for my age and region.

This has perplexed me my whole life when my friends would tell me this happened. How dehumanizing. Earning a paycheck is such a monumental feeling of pride for a kid. That feeling contributes to a lifetime of ambition and self-sufficiency. Don't take that away.

So me and my spouse have discussed when our son gets older and gets a job, that we are going to tell him he needs to help with "rent" but really we will be putting this money into a savings account for him for when he is older and a little more responsible. That way he will learn about budgeting and will have some money to start his young adult life.

Wow. My kids will be charged a nominal rent once they start working. Enough to cover their expenses, if that, because that's how my parents did it. Taught me that accommodation isn't free. The rest of their money is THEIR MONEY. I don't want my parents touching my hard earned, why should I be allowed, or even think I'm allowed, to touch my kids' money? That's low. Like, really frikken low.

I'm sorry when it comes to a car, even if they paid for it by themselves, if they are going to be driving dangerously -- you take away those keys! A car is a weapon! Driving is a privilege NOT a right they could not only harm themselves but others. I'm not talking about just minor stuff either, I'm talking about death. Fatality! Might sound fun when its yelled after you win in mortal combat, but in real life its much less fun. Now, when it comes to money, yes anything that is gifted/inherited/earned belongs to the child. The only thing I would argue against is when say my son bought a viewing of "Raya and the Last Dragon" early, before it was a general release I made him pay $30.00 to his Uncle because he technically bought it, and it was on his Uncles account.

my step mother and my dad spend the money in my bank account when they don't have enough money to pay there bills they usually don't put it back and they have 5 kids they can do that to

Since money I earned and saved for college (uni) was accessible to my parents, I lost every penny when I was 17 to pay my dad's medical debts. Welcome to "insured health" in America.

Just taking money is not OK, but I see no problem in asking for a set amount of money earned if the child is over 18. I know kids who have stayed with their parents well into their twenties paying nothing while making a good salary and not even pitching in for groceries. If it is necessary, feel free to ask for rent/food money, it is still a better deal than living alone so they should be thrilled.

In California, parents have the right to have all monies their children earn until they turn 18 because all earned money is supposed to contribute to the household. My teachers made sure I learned that because it was the law.

Kids can get a paper round at 13. If they're spending that money on crack, what parent will say "ah well, they earned it themselves, so I shan't take it away"

The church I am a member of can only take away what it has given me. Membership in the church for example. It can not discipline me by taking away anything that it doesn't provide.

try having ur parents spend ur disability money for you wen ur in ur mid 20s. i was on the verge of getting a lawyer bc they were spending it on s**t they wanted not wat i wanted or needed which is wat it is for...me not them. once i met my husband after 2 years they started to get scared started giving me some of it until eventually i had full control. my parents r good ppl they just parent wrong in alot of ways. im suprised im actually sane and have a normal life considering how i grew up. thank u grandma and grandpa for teaching me everything i needed to kno.

If a kid doesn't want to hugged by someone they should be able to say "No thank you, I don't want to hug." And the adults can deal with their own offence/embarassment/ discomfort/ rejection. The burden of managing the feelings and reactions of adults should not be placed on the shoulders of a socially anxious ten year old.

My son used to throw huge tantrums when he was little. I always did the same thing: looked into his eyes, told him I loved him very much, stand next to him and let him cry. I never caved. I never yelled at him. I just let him have his feelings and when he was done, we'd do whatever it was we were doing. Worked like a charm.

The worst thing of this type is probably mocking a kid for being forgetful. It's not like someone deliberately chooses to forget things, it's usually beyond our control. Mockery just makes it worse.

THIS. Mental illnesses aren't just 'being sad' and 'being happy' isn't some kind of internal switch you can flick. See a therapist who knows what they're doing and take their advice. Also, eat chocolate. It encourages the production of endorphins. Also chocolate.

You mean like telling them that people working in the fastfood industry do not deserve to earn a livable wage and they are some sort of lower species that doesn't deserve any respect at all.

This should be higher.

Another side to it: the older sibling by 7 years gets her first record player. 5 year old sister gets exact same record player because "you have to be fair".

I feel this. One of my friends has severe depression and at one point she and I were travelling on a bus together. She was crying over her phone because her teacher had given her back an assignment she spent ages on and she'd got a terrible grade. I was comforting her, and this old guy yelled at us 'I don't believe your generation! No one here cares if you broke up with your boyfriend! Quit inflicting your noise on the rest of us!' So I yelled back at him, which only made my friend cry harder. We got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way home.

Downplaying issues and treating them as just a "phase" - oh, what could possibly go wrong?

ikr, like when i was a kid and my parents used to do this a lot, I just never thought of it as a punishment anymore because i knew it wouldnt happen.