Respect is not learned by being told to "behave" but by being given respect. From day one on.

Yes! This!

This is my uncle in a nutshell.

I am sure I have as many parental failings as anyone else (possibly more) but I've never understood this one, even if a parent does stick to not being angry. I've always said to my kids that if they've wronged someone, by accident or on purpose, then that person has a right to be angry. Of course they also have a responsibility about how they behave, just because you let someone down or scratched their car or whatever doesn't mean they can now hit you or pour personal insults on you. But yes, they have a right to express how they feel and you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you're less of a person, it means you're taking it on the chin as you should. I then talk about how these things will come out somehow and that person will always end up angry at some point, and it's a million times better to be upfront and in control and deal with it as soon as possible, than for them to find out you've lied and hidden it from then. Boy, then they're really going to be furious.

Failure is a great teacher. Frankly so is pain. To a point, if you don’t let them fail, they will freak out when they do, and they will.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU

A bit off-topic, but... To be honest, when I was young, I never understood the concept of "talking back". For me, it was always "you asked a question - I'm giving you an answer". And then I would be like "eh?" when someone gets offended, even though I wasn't being rude or anything. Then I grew up and found out some people aren't really curious, they just wanna be proven right at all costs. I still occasionally forget that and spontaneously give answers, though. But really, if you say "I don't understand" or "I'm just trying to understand", I'll be the one pondering with you and help you understand by giving you probable reasons. So.... guess my parents did a good job raising me to be smart, creative and unafraid to share food for thought. *shrug* (feeling grateful, actually)

This one hits dangerously close to home.

oh my god, this is literally so true... its like i try to defend myself, and this line is used. ( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)

omg yesss! I cant have a conversation because it will become an argument or is an argument.

Can I tell you how many times this has happened to me? Because by the time I finished you would be dead

Oh yeah, all the freaking time. Narcissist.

This is something very American to me.

Yeah- I was raised that arguing was not allowed- but I did anyway. That was a hard one for me as a parent. It was more of the attitude than the actual words that bothered me.

My dad

Because god forbid your kid has more sense than your egotistical self.

If they win by merits, then they won. If they win by just annoying me until I get the dirts and send them to their room, they deserve to be sent to their room

This must be done with dignity for both the parent and the child. If the item is not up for discussion, then it doesn't matter who is right. It only matters who is in charge.

when they try to take away your right of talking with "talking back" after they've asked you a question they didn't want you to answer..... what are you doing? what do you want from me?! you tell me not to " sit there and look at you with my mouth shut when you ask me a question" and when i answer you'd say " don't talk back at me" .. this attitude makes children not only never wanting to speak to that parent again, but also in many cases not being able to express themselves when they're adults as well. And also thinking 4 times before you say something in case the person is not happy with your answer so you just say what they want to hear if you don't want an argument

My father once told me that he knew he had been "an okay father" when we were having a discussion, and I argued the counterpoint with him. He told he this when I was about 30, but the incident took place when I was about 14. He always said his job was to raise responsible, free thinking humans. Not replicas of himself.

Talking back is so strange because there’s a thin line between respect and disrespect

It's one thing to put a kid in someone else's shoes to show them shaming someone for being different isn't cool. But what this one means is it's toxic to actually cause traumatic humiliation and embarrassment for something like soiling the bed at night, or publicly shaming them just because they did something wrong at home.

It will also lead to children learning very quick how to hide stuff and lie.

EXACTLY. I remember being hit by a boy in kindergarten, and the teacher told him he couldn't hit me because I was a girl. I was FURIOUS. 'I've got a right to be hit! I WANT TO BE HIT!' Long story short, my parents got called in along with the parents of the boy and there was a whole thing about it.

"Stop f*****g crying or I will slap you" one or my dads greatest hits

That said, you have to allow that parents do know their children and they do know when a child 'isn't hungry' because they have a standard main course and can't be bothered, but half an hour later are going to be whining in the kitchen because they're hungry and can they just have some biscuits or crisps. There's a balancing act, this is why parenting is harding than it looks on the surface.

I have an acquaintance whose son's answer to being told "no" is "I love you", like that should change the answer to yes.

I refused to be like my brother in school simply for that reason. My parents always used that line on me and I HATED it. Not just because my brother was a huge d**k head and a bully.

Isn’t it crazy how some parents have this mentality? It never even crossed my mind when I had my kids, did everything I was supposed to do, especially the essentials.

Yes! My parents always yell at me together. It's a team job. But it does have the effect of alienating neither of them. And I get my own back when it's my turn to lay the table--I give them sporks instead of forks.

I was chastised because I was teaching my younger brother how to wash clothes and prepare meals after our mom died. He was only twelve, but I was ten years older. I felt like he deserved a boost to be able to fend for himself and clean up after himself.

There is a small step before explaining EVERYTHING about your decisions - sometimes you have to make a decision because otherwise your electricity will be cut off, and telling the truth will unnecessarily cause your child to worry about the household finances when they are much too young to grasp every nuance or be able to do a damn thing about it and becomes one of those people who watches every single penny well into adulthood even though they have a good job and a comfortable life. Sometimes "because" is the right answer to protect a child.

wait what do people even do this??? I was only told to change if I was in PJ's!

Happened in another way to my brother and me too. We inherited from an aunt each 2000 €. Parents never gave even a cent and spent all on debts them had run up. My brother was 15, I was 18.

If a kid doesn't want to hugged by someone they should be able to say "No thank you, I don't want to hug." And the adults can deal with their own offence/embarassment/ discomfort/ rejection. The burden of managing the feelings and reactions of adults should not be placed on the shoulders of a socially anxious ten year old.

My son used to throw huge tantrums when he was little. I always did the same thing: looked into his eyes, told him I loved him very much, stand next to him and let him cry. I never caved. I never yelled at him. I just let him have his feelings and when he was done, we'd do whatever it was we were doing. Worked like a charm.

The worst thing of this type is probably mocking a kid for being forgetful. It's not like someone deliberately chooses to forget things, it's usually beyond our control. Mockery just makes it worse.

THIS. Mental illnesses aren't just 'being sad' and 'being happy' isn't some kind of internal switch you can flick. See a therapist who knows what they're doing and take their advice. Also, eat chocolate. It encourages the production of endorphins. Also chocolate.

You mean like telling them that people working in the fastfood industry do not deserve to earn a livable wage and they are some sort of lower species that doesn't deserve any respect at all.

This should be higher.

Another side to it: the older sibling by 7 years gets her first record player. 5 year old sister gets exact same record player because "you have to be fair".

I feel this. One of my friends has severe depression and at one point she and I were travelling on a bus together. She was crying over her phone because her teacher had given her back an assignment she spent ages on and she'd got a terrible grade. I was comforting her, and this old guy yelled at us 'I don't believe your generation! No one here cares if you broke up with your boyfriend! Quit inflicting your noise on the rest of us!' So I yelled back at him, which only made my friend cry harder. We got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way home.

Downplaying issues and treating them as just a "phase" - oh, what could possibly go wrong?

ikr, like when i was a kid and my parents used to do this a lot, I just never thought of it as a punishment anymore because i knew it wouldnt happen.