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158 Bad Jokes Of The Day That Are So Lame They’re Hilarious

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Same as with anything in life, not all jokes are made equal. Some are deep and intellectual, others are sheepishly funny, and some deliver the most majestical wordplays. Still, there's one more category that is as controversial as Prince was in the '80s - bad jokes. Which, in their own right, can also be divided into two categories. Bad jokes that are just terrible, and bad jokes that are funny. Mostly because they are so blatantly lame, and you wouldn't expect someone to come up with such a travesty. But hey, there's no need to be humble here - we like these really bad jokes and would like to share them with you too. So, this is our compendium called Bad Jokes Of The Day.

Why Bad Jokes Of The Day? Well, because these babies should be dosed one per day. Again, why? Well, because these funny bad jokes are like nothing you've seen before. They will touch you in the deepest places that haven't been tickled by amusement in a long while. They will coax a burst of laughter out of you so loud that your neighbors might think you've got your hands on a canister of laughing gas. And well, these lame jokes should be cherished, and a day for each is the perfect amount of time.

So, let's skip straight to the silly jokes, shall we? They are, just as usual, a bit further down, and once you get there, you should give your vote for the worst joke you encounter. After that, there's only one more thing left to do, and it is to share this article with your friends, of course!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

39points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Let's appreciate they are still able to blink.

5points

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#2

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

36points

Nicole Bryan 2 years ago

Ok this is one of my favorites, the first time I heard this one I started laughing out loud from the mental image I created

3points

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#3

Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.

29points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

The product runs a huge chunk of their economy, amazing.

2points

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#4

I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

23points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

What gave it away?

1point

#5

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

22points

What even is this 2 years ago

Some pirate grammar I sea

6points

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#6

I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.

20points

TheAquarius1978 2 years ago (edited)

Ba dum tsssss

6points

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#7

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

20points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

My mind pictured some special breed of fungus before i got to the brick part. What's wrong with me?

3points

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#8

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

19points

Duesvolent90 2 years ago

Just the dolls?

0points

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#9

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

18points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

This one deserves to be higher

1point

#10

I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!

17points

Sparkysheep 2 years ago

Lol! The first one that really made me laugh XD!

2points

#11

Why do ghosts love elevators?

Because it lifts their spirits.

17points

Iconic 2 years ago

Bdmtss

1point

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#12

What did the clock do when it was hungry?

It went back four seconds.

16points

Will Fussell 2 years ago

bdmtsss

0points

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#13

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

15points

#14

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!

15points

#15

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

15points

Duesvolent90 2 years ago

TRUE THO

1point

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#16

What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

Artificial Swedener.

15points

String cheese muppet 2 years ago

So that’s what’s really in those packets…

3points

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#17

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

15points

XenoMurph 2 years ago

Just to make sure everyone knows; Boxing Chess is a thing.

2points

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#18

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

15points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

😂😂🤣🤣

1point

#19

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's also terrible.

13points

Bored_Panda 2 years ago

I don't get this?

1point

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#20

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.

13points

Alditekim 2 years ago

And when they do, it's equally funny to everyone.

1point

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#21

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

13points

Eleanor Green 2 years ago

Somehow, this is my favorite.

4points

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#22

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

Its butt.

12points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

That's head on visual

1point

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#23

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

12points

#24

I'm a geologist, I don't take things for granite.

12points

Kate 2 years ago

I think you're full of schist.

2points

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#25

What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool?

Rock pay-for scissors.

11points

Electra Complex 2 years ago

Shoot!

0points

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#26

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"Supplies!"

11points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

😂

0points

#27

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

11points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Indeed

1point

#28

I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

11points

Vix Spiderthrust 2 years ago

This was a Jeremy Hardy joke, except instead of "calling for pudding" he said "f****d off my face on morphine"

1point

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#29

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

11points

What even is this 2 years ago

An oldie but a goodie

2points

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#30

What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned eighty?

"Aye, matey."

11points

What even is this 2 years ago

Just in case any thinks this, Blackbeard didn't live to turn 80. I know this is a joke, but just making sure

2points

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#31

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?

The guardians of the Galaxy.

11points

#32

What do you call a cat with no legs?

You can call it whatever you want, it's still not coming.

11points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Burn

1point

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#33

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

10points

Bored_Panda 2 years ago

Well, now I know what I'm doing today 🤪

1point

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#34

Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night?

They're constantly being followed.

10points

Peign Gaming 2 years ago

Meh

1point

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#35

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.

10points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

Loll!

0points

#36

Ever tried to eat a clock?

It's time-consuming.

10points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

And once you're done eating it just makes your mid section larger. What a big waist of time.

0points

#37

How do you feel when there's no coffee?

Depresso.

10points

#38

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

10points

#39

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing!

9points

Alditekim 2 years ago

I thought it's because the forklift fell over. I saw it in fail army

1point

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#40

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

"Oh sheet!"

9points

Duesvolent90 2 years ago

Don't worry, I got you covered buddy...sigh

0points

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#41

I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it's just beer.

9points

#42

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

9points

B.Nelson 2 years ago (edited)

Dude...😳

2points

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#43

There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren't.

9points

What even is this 2 years ago (edited)

That confused me at first. I love math

2points

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#44

My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.

8points

#45

Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!

8points

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#46

Why are there gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

8points

#47

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they're bagels!

8points

What even is this 2 years ago

That would be my first time buttering a bird, I guess

1point

#48

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

8points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

Lol

0points

#49

Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually.

8points

#50

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

8points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

Too soon.

0points

#51

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.

8points

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#52

What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops!"

8points

#53

A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.

8points

#54

Why don't crabs donate?

Because they're shellfish.

8points

#55

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

8points

#56

What did the finger say to the thumb?

I'm in glove with you.

8points

Peign Gaming 2 years ago

"Smell where I've been!"

0points

#57

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

Cashew!

8points

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#58

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

8points

#59

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

8points

#60

How can you make seven an even number?

Just take away the "s"!

8points

#61

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." So I replied, "No it doesn't."

8points

#62

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

"HDMI."

7points

#63

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

7points

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#64

What do you call a hippie's wife?

A Mississippi!

7points

#65

What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

"Graaaaaaaains!"

7points

#66

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

7points

#67

What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

7points

#68

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

7points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

Because they're extinct.

1point

#69

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

7points

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#70

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

"Breathe, damn it! Breathe!"

7points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

😂😂

0points

#71

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.

7points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

Loll

0points

#72

My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.

7points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

Well, alcohol is a solution.

1point

#73

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

Because it was too tired.

7points

Dave the English guy. 2 years ago

Two-tired?

2points

#74

A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

7points

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#75

Where did the king keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

7points

#76

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

7points

#77

Who invented the round table?

Sir Cumference.

7points

#78

Did you hear about the kid napping at school?

It's fine, he eventually woke up!

7points

#79

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it'd be a foot.

7points

Greg Baughman 1 year ago

I heard a much dirtier version of this... "Why is the maximum length of a p***s 11 inches?" ;)

0points

#80

What did the drummer call his two twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

7points

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#81

What do you call cheese that works out?

Shredded.

7points

#82

Where do spiders seek health advice?

WebMD.

6points

#83

Why can't you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything.

6points

#84

I'd like to go to Holland someday.

Wooden shoe?

6points

#85

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?

It was about a weak back!

6points

#86

What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes?

Corny!

6points

dxisy xo 2 years ago

Classic!

0points

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#87

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!

6points

#88

What do you tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast!

6points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

I actually heard just the other day that this came from the "leg" they used to open and close the curtain. The hope was there would be so many curtain calls that it would cause that leg to break.

0points

#89

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

6points

#90

My favorite word is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.

6points

#91

What did one dish say to the other?

Dinner is on me!

6points

#92

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

6points

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#93

I'm terrified of elevators so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.

6points

#94

What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars?

Dogerpillers.

6points

#95

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Because he always gets a hole in one!

6points

#96

What to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

6points

#97

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto!

5points

#98

What do you give to a sick lemon?

Lemon aid!

5points

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#99

What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?

Hi Cliff!

5points

#100

When's the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurtie!

5points

#101

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends!

5points

#102

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?

"Show me the honey!"

5points

#103

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad!

5points

#104

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

"Robin, get in the car."

5points

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#105

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless!

5points

#106

What did the buffalo say when his son left?

Bison!

5points

#107

What's red and shaped like a bucket?

A blue bucket painted red.

5points

Dave the English guy. 2 years ago

Bu-bu-but, why not ‘ a red bucket’ ?

1point

#108

What don't ants get sick?

They have anty-bodies.

5points

#109

What does a house wear?

Address!

5points

Jessica Johnson 2 years ago

Asked fiance this question. He responded with propper ties hahahahahahah

2points

#110

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?

It's making headlines.

5points

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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#111

What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear!

5points

#112

Where did the computer go dancing?

The disc-o!

5points

#113

Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife?

He needed his space.

5points

#114

There's no hole in your shoe? Then how'd you get your foot in it?

5points

#115

It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.

5points

Shelby P 2 years ago

the punch line is "they take everything, literally." ugh!!!!

3points

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#116

Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen it.

5points

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#117

How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment?

Ten-ants.

5points

#118

How do you organize a space-themed hurrah?

You planet.

5points

#119

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me?

"Stay out of those places!"

5points

#120

What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Was.

5points

#121

What's the award for being best dentist?

A little plaque.

5points

#122

What did the finger say to the thumb?

I'm in glove with you.

5points

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#123

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

5points

#124

What did the lawyer wear to court?

A lawsuit!

5points

#125

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

Well, now, all of them.

5points

#126

Why did the teacher love the whiteboard?

She just thought it was remarkable!

5points

#127

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

A stick.

5points

#128

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

5points

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#129

What's Mozart up to these days?

Decomposing.

5points

#130

How do you make an egg roll?

You push it.

5points

#131

Two guys with a monocle fighting makes a spectacle.

5points

#132

How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tube a glue.

5points

#133

Why was the math teacher late to work?

She took the rhombus.

4points

#134

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

4points

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#135

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?

Put it on my bill!

4points

#136

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef!

4points

#137

What do bees do if they need a ride?

Wait at the buzz stop!

4points

#138

I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

4points

#139

What kind of dogs love car racing?

Lap dogs!

4points

#140

What do you call birds who stick together?

Vel-crows.

4points

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#141

What do you call it when one cow spies on another?

A steak out!

4points

#142

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

'Cause the cow's got the udder!

4points

#143

It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad. It's a faux pa.

4points

#144

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.

But it's only mild.

4points

#145

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

4points

#146

When is your door not actually a door?

When it's ajar.

4points

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#147

What do you call a dangerous sun shower?

A rain of terror!

4points

#148

How does your feline shop?

By reading a catalogue.

4points

#149

Who can jump higher than a house?

Pretty much anyone.

4points

#150

What do an apple and an orange have in common?

Neither one can drive.

4points

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

It's like trying to compare apples and oranges.

0points

#151

This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It's a garbage truck.

4points

#152

Wait, you don't want to hear a joke about potassium?

K.

4points

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#153

What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos?

A chipmunk!

3points

#154

Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn't matter. They're all eggcellent.

3points

#155

Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky?

He wanted to stake his claim.

3points

#156

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?

"It's not you, it's a-me!"

3points

#157

What do you call HIJKLMNO?

H20!

3points

#158

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't you START ANYTHING!"

3points

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Saimonas Lukošius

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

What do you think ?

Nuage Laboratoire 2 years ago

Text

1point

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

There's two olives sitting on a table. One falls off and the other leans over and asks "Are you OK?" The other says "Olive".

0points

Nuage Laboratoire 2 years ago

Text

1point

Eat Dirt Crow 2 years ago

There's two olives sitting on a table. One falls off and the other leans over and asks "Are you OK?" The other says "Olive".

0points

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