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SpectralCoding , Akshar Dave/unsplash Report

#2

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations My grandmother died, my mom was finishing up her cremation arrangements with the local funeral home when my dad died in a car accident two weeks later.

My mom calls up the funeral home, and her grief-stricken sick sense of humor forces her to ask if they have any two for one deals on cremation services.

129points

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TribbleThinking 1 week ago (edited)

Would it be macabre to disclose that I received Coop reward points worth about £100 for MrTribbleTheFirst's funeral? I have a whole folder of odd and ghoulish experiences about widowhood.

31points

quietone36 , Madalyn Cox /unsplash Report

#3

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations My grandfather's blind dog passed unexpectedly, upon hearing the news, first thing out of my mouth was "well, at least she didn't see it coming" and I never wished I had a filter more, than in that moment.

118points

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Lord of the laserprinter. 1 week ago

Just snorted out loud in the pub right now.

34points

OliverKitsch , Kampus Production/pexels Report

#4

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Maybe not that serious, but as I was getting rung up by a cashier and he handed me my receipt, my brain couldn't decide between "thanks homie" and "thanks bro" so my mouth went "thanks homo".

116points

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I love it here 1 week ago

Mr: Reads the caption . Also me: Dies with laughter ... literally OMG how embarassing LMAO

28points

lifesnotperfect , Brittany Colette /unsplash Report

#5

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I was in a finance-related meeting with my director and CEO. I suddenly had one of those sneezes that come out of nowhere with no warning.

Didn't have time to cover my mouth, and to make matters worse I shot out a loogie (ball of mucus/phlegm) right onto my CEO's boob.

I wanted to die, but my CEO, cool as a cucumber took a tissue and gave it to me, while grabbing another and wiping my loogie off. She smiled at me and said "You don't raise two kids without becoming desensitised to that stuff". And continued like nothing happened.

My director on the other hand started tearing up and his temple vein was bulging. I could tell he was trying so goddamn hard not to burst out laughing.

109points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

LMAO!! This one is great! :D

33points

andyj2453 1 week ago

I was being spoken to (screamed at) by my Sergeant Major when a big fat pigeon, which was perched in the hanger roof above, decided to s**t violently on the Sergeant Major's shoulder. We both stared at the carnage in horror, when the SM tore his jumper off and threw it at the escaping pigeon. Nobody was allowed to laugh and I was in agony trying not to.

13points

FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 1 week ago (edited)

I've had a bird c**p on my shoulder before and everyone kept telling me that it meant good luck was coming my way. Let's just say that I personally did not feel lucky, just yucky. ETA- seriously BP?!? I purposely didn't use shiit but what if I was at a casino, playing at a craps table?

4points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Respect to that CEO !

8points

glowworm2 1 week ago

That CEO is awesome.

6points

Myoviridae 1 week ago

Reminds me of the time I was hosting the head of the science-related government entity from Brazil. I am talking to him about our research, etc., when a drop of condensation from the ceiling lands directly on tip of my boob (with the obvious color change on my shirt). We both just tacitly ignored it and continued. Good guy.

3points

Nichole Harris 1 week ago

It's true tho.... Once you have kids....

3points

Jan Moore 2 days ago

Never did on someone but I did a good job on my wind shield.

0points

Mimi M 4 days ago

MVP to that CEO

0points

Sneaky Snake 1 week ago

WE NEED MORE WOMEN CEOS STAT

0points

TheGoodBoi 1 week ago

Oh the cringe is strong with this one! On the other hand, LMAO!

0points

Glittering-Health625 , Chase Chappell /unsplash Report

#6

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I once accidentally replied “Love you” at the end of a work call with my boss.. but she laughed and said love you too haha.

99points

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andyj2453 1 week ago

Miss you already lol

16points

#7

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I walked into my office, and a lady from HR was sitting in my chair. I said, “Well, looks like I’m going to have to sit in your lap” and then she says, “Come on over. Giddy up!” My face turned bright red. She left, I sat down, we never spoke of it again.

Myzx , Ben Weber/unsplash Report

87points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

HR with a sense of humour - that's a good day :-)

53points

arki_pg , Vladislav Klapin/unsplash Report

#8

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I went for a bike ride in my neighborhood at about 12 at night a month ago. It was pitch black other than streetlights every 5 or 6 houses.

I was kinda just zoning out, enjoying the fresh air, when something moved out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to look, and I immediately assumed it was some kind of monster (I had just finished a horror movie), so I let out an extremely loud, bloodcurdling scream in the middle of the night in a silent suburban neighborhood. The thing, which turned out to be a blond soccer mom, screamed back at me, with pretty good reason.

I zipped past her on my bike, yelling "oh my god I'm so sorry!" over and over again until I got off the street..

I haven't gone on a nighttime bike ride since then.

84points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Ride with lights on your bike - failure to do this can be lethal

43points

#9

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations In a customers house repairing his dishwasher:
Cx: I don't even use the dishwasher much since I lost my wife
Me: Have you gone out to look for her? Sorry sorry sorry.

F**k me... I'm an idiot. It just slipped.

MicaBay , Getty Images/unsplash Report

82points

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Robert T 1 week ago

My mind wants to do that whenever somebody says that somebody "passed". Passed what? Their exams? Their driving test? We normally say "passed away" here. The "away" is important!

33points

chaechae01 , Pablo Merchán Montes/unsplash Report

#10

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations During a wake, i accidentally said congratulations instead of condolences. i felt ashamed because my friend with me then can't hold his laughter which made it worst.

82points

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Widdershins66 1 week ago (edited)

In my teens I was at my boyfriend's Nanna's funeral. I hardly knew anyone and it was really awkward. Afterwards at the Wake, several of us ended up in the kitchen when I, trying to break the ice, cheerfully said the immortal words "ALL THE BEST PARTIES END UP IN THE KITCHEN" 🤦🤦🤦 No one laughed.

35points

#11

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations My partner and I went into a shop. When we were leaving, after paying, I thought the cashier said "would you like a receipt? I was walking out of the shop and waved at her and said" No thanks".

What she actually said was "Have a good weekend."

I couldn't work out why my partner was looking at me like I had two heads. 😂 😂.

maxy0007 , Getty Images/unsplash Report

79points

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SirWriteALot 1 week ago

Hahaha :-) THis one made me laugh out loud. I can just FEEL the embarassment :-D

18points

Connect_Signature140 Report

#12

My daughter's mom passed away a few years ago when my daughter was 14. (now 17.) The way she and I have coped is by cracking 'your mom' jokes with one another..

2 years ago we moved and she started at a new school and met new friends. One day when they were over I let a your mom joke slip in front of them without even realizing they had no idea we did that with each other..

Her friends gave me a look of disgust and started tearing into me about what I had just said, all while my daughter is laughing her a*s off because I'm getting chewed out by her new friends. She finally explained to them the situation, but still. It was kind of nice seeing some friends she had just met a week or 2 prior stick up for her like that though. To this day they are all still really good friends as well.

79points

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Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

its me and my kids~ {most of them are adopted from abusive homes and orpanage/fosters, so some have no parents or lost them} i always let them know that a Joke is always done with out harm, and if someone is offended by it, don't let them have your jokes because those are not for them {usally cause they read into it too hard when it is .... a JOKE}

23points

#13

After my grandmother's funeral I went back to work and my boss nervously asked how she was.

I shrugged, "Still dead". Everybody tittered awkwardly and Marvin apologized profusely. Was cool, just gallows humor.

Kevin_Uxbridge Report

76points

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Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

they sent a test to my aunt, for her to send back so they could tell her if she had cancer, it was ordered to come in Feb, but we...I... got it in sept.... so I called them up and told them she can't use it and they need to take it back, I got told "she needs this test, doesn't she want to know if she has cancer? DOES SHE WANT TO DIE FROM CANCER?" I "calmly" replied "well she died 2 months ago from Cancer that we found out she had after they checked her body, so no she doesn't need it and YES SHE DIED FROM CANCER" The woman started just trying to back peddle on her words and tells me to send it back, i told her nope she can get it when they take my aunt's Hospice stuff away... I moved out about 3 days later, so i hope that box is rotting there

21points

Sarcspasm , Getty Images/unsplash Report

#14

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations My first time at an airport alone, I was anxious about the entire thing. I was at the check in kiosk and when the officer held his hand out, I shook it. Turns out he was asking for my passport...

76points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I doubt that that's the strangest thing that happened to him that week ...

47points

Starshapedsand , Mathurin NAPOLY / matnapo/unsplash Report

#15

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I vomited on a patient we were transporting on the ambulance, who was experiencing cardiac issues.

Fortunately, he thought it was hilarious. As my crew took him in, and I started cleaning, wishing I’d melt through the floor, someone opened the ambulance door.

“I just hear you puked on a patient!” It was one of the ER doctors. I wished I could melt through the floor even more dearly as he went on to tell me that he’d done the same thing as a resident, but never met anyone else who’d managed that.

As it would turn out, I was severely ill, with a disease that has vomiting with no prior warning as one of its symptoms. It would be months before that got figured out, though, and didn’t make me feel any better about this call.

72points

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Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

before my aunt died, she was ok moving around but she had diabetes and had to go get dialysis, cause of that she would get sick easily {they were starting her on chemo too and for background, I cant drive cause disabled, and she couldn't, disabled so we took ubers} and one of the times she was going with me to my Dr app since i needed help and my husband couldn't go, she went {she was able to walk up the stairs too, like this was 5 months before she died too, she was good till the last week} with me in the uber to go, on the way home she starts to gag and while the driver is trying just to drive, I calmly take off my shirt put it in front of her, hold her head and told her " just throw up in it if you need to its ok" and poor hun.... she did, she was embarrassed and I just wrapped it up and took my second shirt off {yeah I wear 2 shirts for stuff like this cause iv learned it helps} and gave her the second one to clean up with and if she needed to again

25points

#16

My coworkers and I worked by windows and could see it snowing and had been talking about the cold weather. My boss received a phone call that his aunt passed away.

I gave my condolences and then said, “she’s in a better place now. Somewhere warm.”

I meant a nice beach, but I basically said his auntie is in Hell.

NakedAndAfraidFan Report

69points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You didn't say 'hot' - if there were a Heaven I hope it would be at least warm... Dante had ice at the heart of his (imagined) Hell

18points

Striking_Reindeer_2k , Sebastian Herrmann/unsplash Report

#17

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations As a low ranking team lead in a staff meeting, a senior manager started yelling and shouting at me.

We had been disagreeing about a point of fact for 1/2 hour.

I heard myself tell him to go outside if he wanted to keep shouting.

The room went silent. Real silent...

I played the scene back in my head. What I really said:

"If you want to shout at me, step outside!"

He shut up. No one blinked. I pondered for a very long moment. Realized that nothing said was an overt threat. So I sat back down.

He never shouted at me again. No one did.

After lunch break, someone else brought up my data, proving I was right. No, he didn't apologize.

It was a very good day. lol.

68points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

You said what you needed to in this situation!

26points

Temporary-Purchase26 , Mike Mozart/flickr Report

#18

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Watched my little cousin choke on candy. Watched his father and my other family save him. Upon realizing he choked on a Lifesaver I quipped how that candy did not live up to it's name. It was a dumb joke and everyone stared daggers at me for several minutes after.

65points

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Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 week ago

I can't help but think that many of these would go down a lot better in the UK where we all have a fairly morbid, sarcastic sense of humour.

59points

#19

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Not me, but at my grandpa‘s funeral we went to his favourite golf course to scatter his ashes. It was, of course, a very dusty affair as people moved around and sprinkled ashes in different locations. At one point, my aunt was sobbing into my cousin’s shoulder and my mom walked up to her, pointing out one of the errant dusty handprints and declaring, “You have some grandpa on your butt.”

CausticSofa , Javardh /unsplash Report

63points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

This is akin to my own grandfather going to visit my grandmother's grave stating he's "going to get a piece of ash" :D (miss them both)

33points

#20

I was a shop supervisor and I noticed two employees putting stock away but mixing up a lot of the colours. I went over and mentioned that a few of the items were in the wrong places and they went to fix it but were still putting them in the wrong spots, so I jokingly said “Geez, it’s like the blind are leading the blind”. BOTH of them turned to me and said “I’m colourblind” 😭.

bbbbeletsgo Report

62points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Maybe you should have known this ? I had a friend who was red/green colour-blind. HIs model railway signal lights were a disaster! And when he learnt to drive, the instructor taught him "Stop at the top, go on the low" to handle the fact that red and green look the same to him, but (in UK anyway) the red light is at the top of the bunch. He passed ...

28points

#21

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Accidently said "Yeah, she needs to get something off her chest." when my ex's friend came by to talk to her about being diagnosed with breast cancer. I just didn't know how to handle the conversation and blurted out the first thing that popped into my head, then after I realized what I said started laughing like an idiot before leaving the room while yelling I was so sorry.

Aadarm , kevin laminto/unsplash Report

53points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

We've all done something like that, at some time. Leave it behind you.

16points

#22

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations When I was like 6, my friend's dad who lived in the same apartment complex as me committed s*icide. I used to go over to their place a lot and play on their Xbox since I didn't own one. I was pretty obsessed with it. The day it happened, his family used my bedroom to tell him what had happened. I wasn't given the full details, so to comfort him I went up to him and said "at least you get the Xbox now". I was such a stupid 6 year old.

connor6677 , Emily Wade/unsplash Report

49points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You were doing your best, with the social skills you had at 6. Don't beat yourself up about it all these years later - it does nobody any good.

49points

Lothar_Ecklord , William Krause/unsplash Report

#23

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I was young, and my mother pulled us kids aside to say, "your grandmother just had a round of chemo and lost all her hair. She'll be wearing a wig - please do not make any comments about her hair," and I have trouble connecting thoughts together. Forgetting everything I was *just* told, she walked in the door, and I immediately said "Hi!! Wow, you got a haircut! It looks great!"

48points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

Ooops...grandmas are very forgiving :)

21points

#24

Eighth grade. It still haunts me. We had a girl in our class who had cancer. She missed a lot of classes and we were doing a collection for her. I think we were selling things to donate towards her medical bills.

One day the teacher mentioned something going on on the weekend and I piped up "But what about the collection for Robin?" At which point the whole class gasped and shushed me. Robin happened to be in class that day. It was supposed to be a surprise. I covered quickly saying we were planning a visit to her hospital which she already knew about.
The teacher said not to worry about it when I stayed after class and cried because of my big mouth.

Robin died that summer, bravely asking that life support be turned off. 8th grader. I think about her often. I'm still crushed I ruined the surprise. She didn't have a lot of good surprises left in her earthly life. And I ruined one of the last.

It really does tear at my heart to this day. It's been over 30 years.

Flutterflut Report

47points

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FloC 1 week ago

That is so sad. But I am sure that even if the surprise was "ruined", Robin was very happy to know that her classmates were doing this for her.

62points

FotographicFrenchFry Report

#25

I was in a cabinet meeting with the Governor. Every executive director, deputy director, and communications director was in this meeting. There was a brief intermission, where all the mics were hot, letting everyone virtual and in person hear us.

Sitting 3 people over from the governor, I got up and went “Great, I need to potty.”

And proceeded to walk out like nothing until I got to the bathroom and reflected on the situation, then walked back in making no eye contact with anyone.

An unforeseen side effect of potty training a toddler is, evidently, using “potty” completely unironically in front of grown adults and political leaders.

47points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

It's a euphemism, it'll do

19points

darthatheos , Aleksandar Kurešević /unsplash Report

#26

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations An old couple was pushing around an obviously upset baby. I said that she probably misses her Mom. They then informed me that her parents died in a car accident a couple of days ago.

45points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

That's just bad luck you ran into a situation like this :(

23points

Gingerphobicginger , Kateryna Hliznitsova/unsplash Report

#27

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations At my friend’s dad’s funeral, the theme was florals. I showed up wearing black. That isn’t the bad part though. The bad part was when I was talking with a few other people and saw another girl wearing black, and I said, word for word, “oh we’re wearing black! We’re the black people!” We are both white. I think about that everyday.

43points

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Nea 1 week ago

Funerals have themes??

48points

Over_Plane515 , Getty Images/unsplash Report

#28

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I once accidentally called my boss "Mom" during a serious meeting. The room went silent for a second, and I just wanted to disappear ! haha.

42points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

My daughters went to the school where I teach. One of them ended up in my class. She lasted several weeks before accidentally calling me "Dad" in class. Mayhem erupted ...

18points

#29

I was tormented during high school by a kid named Steve. He was always picking on me and teasing me and making fun of me for being gay (I’m not, but this was 2005-9, when it was a common insult and you didn’t want to be the “gay kid” in a rural NH town). It stopped after I stood up to him in my senior year.

I came back to my hometown from college for Memorial Day, and went to a cookout at my uncles house. While there, I was talking with my cousins and a few other people I didn’t know. It came up that he’d died in a car wreck a few weeks or months before, and I confess, I took that news with a smile. I also said something under my breath to the effect of “good riddance”.

Well, one of the people attending this particular cookout, who was sitting next to me and overheard me, was his mom. She did NOT take that with a smile, but hey her son was an a*****e to me every day for 3.5 years, I’m not going to lie about it. Plus, I’d never met her before, so how could I know who she was? Yeah d**k move to say it out loud, but I still agree with the feeling. F**k Steve.

livin4donuts Report

41points

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Phil Green 1 week ago

Over the years, I have noticed, when people are being interviewed on TV (in particular), how it's only ever the good people that die. I would love to see an interview where one of them says something like you said, OP!

29points

Abject-Yellow3793 , Nini FromParis/unsplash Report

#30

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Having been a first responder for 20+ years, I cannot begin to count the number of times I've said inappropriate things in serious situations.

Among my favourites:
"If you're just going to lie about your history, I'm just going to lie about taking you to the hospital."

*At someone's home where her husband just died, I did like 20mins of CPR waiting to get the code* - "The coffee you have on smells wonderful".

32points

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TribbleThinking 1 week ago

I've done CPR. It was unfortunately unsuccessful. It's also ruddy exhausting. You dserved that coffee.

29points

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#31

The one that comes to mind first was when my wife and I went to a local brewery with her parents and my father in law was chatting with the owner while we all were having a flight of beers to try a bunch of them. He asks the owner "hey (x) do you have any kids?" and the owner responds "no kids", gestures to the beers in front of us and says "these are my kids".

And without skipping a beat, I said "your kids are delicious!".

lookalive07 Report

23points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You took his humour and ran with it. Sounds fine to me

22points

#32

I was pretty sure my FIL was cheating on my MIL with a much younger family friend. When I mentioned my concerns to my husband, he thought that I was being dramatic. Okay, whatever.

About 2 years later, my MIL took me out to lunch. On the car ride there, she said she had something to tell me, that FIL had been having an ongoing affair with much younger family friend. My dumb*ss reaction?

"I KNEW IT!!!!!".

formercotsachick Report

22points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Whoops ...

7points

Parking_Giraffe_8884 , Karolina Grabowska/unsplash Report

#33

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Family friend posted on FB their close friends (mother/daughter) had been ki*led in the Middle East….i was horrified and somehow while attempting to post my condolences, posted an Ursula (Little Mermaid) GIF and couldn’t delete it 🙈.

21points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

You can chalk this one up to a technical error

9points

#34

A much younger co-worker told me “I’m pregnant!” At the time she was 20, living in a camper and unmarried with a new BF.

I said “Oh s**t! I’m so sorry!” Her entire being crumpled and she said “uhhhh no I’m very happy about it! My BF and I were trying!”

I felt about two inches tall. I’ve apologized any number of times since; she mostly found my awkward reaction hilarious but was trying not to barf, as it turned out. Years later, she is a very happily married mother of two children and her husband is awesome. (SORRY AGAIN, GIRL!).

underpantsbandit Report

21points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Continue to show respect, and you will wear away the shadow of past indiscretions

10points

#35

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Well, moments ago I just told a WWII vet that I "used to see a lot more of y'all earlier in my career" in reference to them dying off, so there's that.

I'm really bad at small talk.

anon Report

20points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Keep working on it - don't become a silence just because you got it wrong one time.

4points

Notmydirtyalt , Ivan Aleksic/unsplash Report

#36

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations I was meeting with a client to assist with matters related to her husband's passing.

During our consultation I stated in regard to planning details: "well, nobody ever died from being prepared".

While I was able to continue the meeting and she didn't seem to notice the Texas sized faux pas I just let out.

Thinking about it 4 years later still makes me scream internally.

19points

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Kimberly Bailey 1 week ago

It's true though...nothing wrong with being prepared

4points

#37

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations At a funeral I asked how’s it going to the sister of the deceased. I still say ahhhhhhhhhhh in the shower.

foxpost , Julia Taubitz/unsplash Report

18points

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SirWriteALot 1 week ago

Goes to show how silly it is to ask "how are you" when you actually don't want to know how they're doing.

7points

#38

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations My husband, on the phone: "I've got really bad news, [friend] died this morning."

Me: "But he wasn't supposed to do that!"

SofieTerleska , sarah b/unsplash Report

17points

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Nikki van Reenen 1 week ago

When my dad passed away, my sister called to tell me. I was in disbelief and my first thought was "I need to call dad and tell him". Odd.

10points

#39

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations Wedding photographer. 6 (?) bridesmaids, having trouble communicating who I wanted to move. I blurted out "the skinny one".

_Enoch_ , Ave Calvar/unsplash Report

17points

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Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Well, at least it wasn't the fat one ...

6points

#40

While I was working at a supermarket a 10yo boy fell flat on his face, and we took him out the back with his parents to tend to his injuries. The mother said "I'm worried he has a concussion, we'd better call an ambulance". Having graduated majoring in neuroscience I thought it would be a good time to point out that "It's lucky he landed on his nose!"...

... because obviously that cushioned the landing for his brain. But the way everybody turned to stare at me, particularly the look on the father's face, suggested it would be best if I exited the room. I left quickly.

dysmetric Report

17points

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Melissa Harris 1 week ago

Falling forward is usually better then bckwards as you have a better chance of catching yourself and not hitting you head.

8points

#41

At the construction site, an apprentice had crushed his hand (don't feel too bad, he did a stupid thing as soon as he was left unsupervised after being told never to do the thing, so it was totally on him, plus he did end up keeping the hand with at least partial function) and after he left for the hospital everyone else was ushered into a meeting to discuss it.

The Safety guy was yknow, IQ of about 50, like most Safety guys, ESL-level command of the language though it was his mother tongue. So we were used to him saying "pacific" in place of "specific" and so on. When asked how the young man was coping, he meant to tell us the kid got sedation as soon as he got in the ambulance, but what he actually said was something like, "He was freaking out so bad they needed to seduce him on the drive to keep his mind off it".

I looked like a total a*****e snorting with laughter as a youngster's future hung in the balance. But I regret nothing!

_Maxine_Vandate_ Report

16points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I'd have laughed too, although maybe your co-worker deserves a bit of support with his language difficulties

10points

#42

I was at the Holocaust Museum in D.C. with my sister. There were several survivors out in the lobby sharing their stories. I am a very anxious person who tends to word-vomit when nervous.

We walked up to a woman because my sister wanted to talk to her. I kept a bit of distance because I was feeling so anxious to be in the presence of someone I deem to be a hero for surviving the horrors of a concentration camp and having the courage to share them with us.

After she gets done telling us about how she was the only survivor in her family (unfortunately most of her family had perished upon arriving at Auschwitz), she asked if anyone had questions. No one spoke up, so she asked again, making direct eye contact with me.

I blurted out "BUT WHERE IS YOUR FAMILY?!" and she got this super sad look in her eyes and simply shrugged. I wanted to die. I apologized profusely and ran out of there SO FAST while my sister was dying of embarrassment. I hope that wonderful hero understands I was overcome with emotion and wasn't just trying to be a d**k.

I'm sorry, Esther. ❤️.

AwesomeSauce_951 Report

15points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I think she probably understands - and maybe she's not happy with putting you under pressure to speak. You should both get over it, starting now or earlier

5points

#43

Okay not as bad as many here but:

In college I worked as an office assistant. One day I was tasked with tracking down the office's ice chest and bringing it back for an event they were hosting later. I found it in an *occupied* conference room - very important people in nice suits holding a seemingly important/formal meeting around a big oval table. I awkwardly and quietly tried to step in and drag the ice chest out from the corner (no explanation given).

Unfortunately it was full of half-melted ice and a lot of water. When I finally got it to the doorway it got stuck and then dumped over. A f*****g tidal wave of ice water spilled out over 25% of the room. I ran to the bathroom for a handful of napkins and feebly attempted to soak up *gallons* of water while they tried to continue their meeting.

Eventually I panicked and just dragged the ice chest out. I stopped a janitor in the hall and said "I think there was a spill in that conference room over there..." then hurried away.

Jwalla83 Report

14points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Adults mop up after themselves. You might at the very least have stayed to help the janitor

1point

#44

Not me but a friend was at work when this guy came in all un focused and not acting like himself. Mind you this is a blue collar shop environment. He says "What the f***s wrong with you? Did someone die or some s**t?" Guy looks at him and says. "My twin sister died last night".

Cardinal_350 Report

14points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Oh clang ...

5points

#45

I don’t know if this was more awkward or just stupid but I’ll go with it anyway.

When I was 17 me along with three of my friends got arrested for armed robbery. We didn’t do it, and it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They brought us to the police station and were investigating what happened and in walks in a detective who I have known since I was little.

He looked at me and says “what the hell did you do?”

Mistakingly, I replied “What didn’t I do!?”

Made it look so much worse. But he knew me well and knew I’m not the type of person to do what I was accused of doing and he made sure that other guys investigating the case made sure they knew the story 100%. After hours of sitting at the jail, they let us go.

tc3590 Report

14points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I think I can follow your thinking here - but, generally, the less said to the police, the better

10points

FarFact4811 , Curated Lifestyle/unsplash Report

#46

“Most Awkward 20 Seconds Of My Life”: 30 Hilariously Awkward Moments In Serious Situations When my dad was getting arrested by the feds my house was raided while he wasn’t there and they sat me and my siblings on the couch to tell us what he had been arrested and I out loud said “well sucks to suck I guess.” My siblings still make fun of me for it.

13points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Maybe it wasn't quite so necessary to tell kids about the grounds for the arrest?

-2points

#47

I farted during a eulogy one time. I thought it would be silent and unobtrusive… it was neither.

mike_face_killah Report

13points

POST

Libstak 1 week ago

Never trust a fart

12points

#48

I don't know if it counts as serious but my dad used to deliver items to different offices every day. So, while he knew people there, he saw them once a week at most. One day, he saw a woman he knew was pregnant. He said, "Wow. When are you due? You look ready to pop." She replied, "I had him two months ago.".

AutumnFalls89 Report

13points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I think it was Dilbert who said "never refer to a lady being pregnant unless, at the minimum, the child's head is protruding"

16points

#49

My first big interview im sitting there when two women walk in to start the interview. I stand up, shake their hands, and say “looks like you two are going to tag-team me, huh?” I immediately knew that wasn't the right thing to say. They just laughed and moved on. Got the job, too!

frankysins Report

12points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Your SOH probably helped you here - because they had one, too

4points

#50

At my former company, the CEO was pushed into resignation after an acquisition. He had helped found the company and grew it from the ground up over 15 years. An all-hands was organized to celebrate his career and possible retirement - wine, cake, and a large picture with signed well wishes...the whole nine yards of corporate party planning. He stood quietly as the room filled, taking in the sea of faces he had come to know over the years, readying himself for some tough goodbyes he was not prepared to have.

"Yeesh, who died?" I quipped with a gentle nudge to his side. No response.

lakestreetjive Report

11points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Part of him just did. I feel for him.

16points

#51

This past Saturday I saw my nephew unexpectedly at a relative's house and called him his dead father's name instead of his name. He's 17 and the sweetest kid ever and I feel awful.

hometeamwins Report

11points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Don't apologise, it'd just repeat the scene in his head. Just treat him well and the pain will pass.

4points

#52

I was having the most intimate honest conversation with my new bf at the time. The vibes were amazing we were sat on my roof staring at the stars discussing our painful times and just really bonding. We were both crying, truly such an amazing moment.. and you guessed it.. I f*****g farted. 😐 I sat up to adjust and let out a good ol big one. I’m talking cheek clapper this was no “huh? What was that?” It was blank stare at each other “oh okay” moment. After the awkwardness subsided though we laughed and he was very nice to me about it and we have been together since. Almost 6 years by the end of December lol.

anon-o-mas Report

11points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

He's a keeper

4points

cheese_stick_mafia Report

#53

In the prime awkward years of 7th or 8th grade I was in boy scouts and decided to puruse the Lifesaving merit badge. As part of the final test you have to prove to a real certified life guard that you can do a number of things like dives, first aid, how to approach a struggling swimmer, etc. One test was measuring how fast you could get out of normal clothes, dive in, and retrieve someone.

Of course the lifeguard that day was to me Wendy Peffercorn. During that test I struggled, pantsed myself, and flashed her and all of the other test takers.

10points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You may not be the only person who ever did this. In a real emergency, many of the rules go out of the window ...

6points

#54

I was walking back to my dorm late at nite when I saw a man running dead silent at full speed in Converse and Jean shorts. I went into the road and started swinging my purse around while he tried to calm me down. He was on a jog and had on AirPods (new at the time), but I thought I was about to get m*rdered lol.

TheWholeOfHell Report

10points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Fair apprehension - hope he kept his distance while trying to calm you down

3points

oxymoronisanoxymoron Report

#55

We had a special needs gentleman come visit our tiny village primary school. I'm not exactly sure what his particular ailment was, cerebral palsy, maybe? Anyway, question time was at the end, and it was like a bolt of lightening came to me, I thought, oh my god. I quite literally have the best question in the entire world of questions, it's The One. I am so smart to have thought of this. Up went my hand, and the gentleman gestured at me to ask my question. So I said, brimming with unnatural confidence,

"Do you wish you were normal??!".

10points

POST

Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

this is just a lil kid asking a question, we all did that stuff, hell my question is probably why i lost my eye in the orphanage at 8, unless your question did something like that then don't worry {to those wanting to know the question.... it was "please don't hurt me?".... and the answer was laughter and a screwdriver...}

5points

#56

I was getting a zoom call back when Covid was happening to get into this schooling program for electrical. When they asked me “what have you been recently been doing at work?” And my dumb a*s response was “oh you know, running pipes and s**t” and then sat there like. Did I just say that💀 and the guy proceeds to reply with a head nod and say “oh! Pipes and s**t…”. Got accepted into the program 4 years later about to enter their apprenticeship program!

Finn770123 Report

9points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Covid got into the schooling program for electrical? They never told us that! Pass the bleach...

1point

#57

Was talking to my new boss about organizing our large walk-in fridge and he asked if anyone had shown me around it... I responded, 'yeah, I've been inside Jeff.'

There was an awkward silence, and so I clarified, "I mean, I've been in there with Jeff."

Jeff is an elderly, obese man.

GrandMoffTarkles Report

9points

POST

Angela C 1 week ago

As long as Jeff consented...

4points

#58

My default greeting for a long time was: "Hey, how's it going?" in an upbeat tone. Not the best choice of words to use when greeting someone at the door to the church at their mom's funeral. Luckily he took it in stride and just said "Hanging in there" instead of being brutally honest about his feelings in the moment. The sadness in his eyes was haunting though.

Kettrickan Report

8points

POST

Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

I always get asked "How you doing? How you feeling?"...... I always say "I'm at the best I can be considering what is going on"

3points

#59

Back in school, I dropped in on a buddy of mine wearing a cool t-shirt from Wes Craven’s “The Serpent and the Rainbow”, complete with artwork across the back of a drippy, zombie thing, emblazoned with the words, “Don’t bury me! I’m not dead!”…

Right into a wake for his recently departed aunt.

bigbigdummie Report

8points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You weren't to know. Just leave - silently

3points

#60

My boss wanted me to explain something from the presentation and I replied saying “it’s self explanatory”.

gudetaamaago Report

8points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Clang! Not just for your boss -if anyone asks you to explain something, either you do, or you can't. Do not be the 'can't'

2points

#61

My sister and I had an epic case of the giggles at my uncle's funeral. We were sharing our thoughts on him when he was alive. Let’s just say he was one of those people who are fountains of funny stories. Our husbands tried to separate us by sitting in between us, so then we started passing notes. In church.

anon Report

7points

POST

Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

reminds me of my grandmas Funral, everyone wore black, she loved red and would wear a red shirt every day, i was the only one to go with a red shirt, i instead of joining them in talking, went and took all my lil cuz and younger bro and sis... went to a few graves over and told them funny story of her, you could just hear the dude talking and a bunch of kids laughing, and that's what she would have wanted

12points

#62

Once when I was in high school, we had like an ‘inspirational speaker’ come and talk to us about like life choices and the like. His thing was that he was an amputee who had lost his arm after getting so intoxicated he stumbled onto a train track and it got cut off.

After telling his story he opened my year group up to any questions we might’ve had. Without missing A BEAT, my little autistic a*s put my hand up in the air and asked him “If you could go back in time and change anything, would you do it?”

To his absolute credit, he didn’t chew me out and answered my question in good faith. It wasn’t until after that my classmates rightfully pointed out I just asked a man who had his arm cut off would go back in time and do anything different… I wanted the ground to SWALLOW me whole.

BoganOtaku Report

7points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Respect to the guy. You were a kid, kids make mistakes - it's called 'learning'

7points

#63

I used to live at a married university apartment complex where several apartment buildings shared a common space in between the buildings (we called it the court). It was a very, very social common area and in the summer everyone was out socializing, BBQing, or playing with their kids in the court.

One day I was out socializing in the court when I saw a new couple moving a couch from one apartment to their own. I went over to help them as it was an awkward sized couch for only 2 people to move.

As we were walking the couch to this couple’s new apartment, the former owner of the couch ran up to us with the cushions and as she put them on the couch one of them fell off. The one side of the cushion had a large, dark brown stain on it.

Jokingly I said, “Did you m*rder someone on your couch Jane?”.

She matter of factly responded, “No, but I had our last baby on this couch”

The new owners made awkward eye contact with one another, and in silence we awkwardly walked the couch to the couple apartment.

leakyaquitard Report

7points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Maybe just "No" might have sufficed?

4points

#64

I used to travel through Frankfurt Airport.... a lot. Eventually I started getting flagged, taken to a backroom, and having this old german guy scream at me about being a d**g mule while they search my bag. At this point this has happened 3 -4 times, always the same guy.

This time I was traveling with a coworker. He sees me getting dragged off while he is going through security. I'm sitting their getting my usual taste of german hospitality when he ackwardly opens the door to the interrogation room (why wasn't it locked?). We both yell "GO AWAY" at the same time. He looks at me, smiles, and we have a good laugh. Next few times he was friendlier.

ooo-ooo-oooyea Report

7points

POST

JR 1 week ago

i think the only way this makes sense is if the first 3 "he"s in the second paragraph are the coworker, and the last 2 are the interrogator.

4points

#65

This one time me and my partner were talking to this lady we both know, lady was telling me that her mother just died, I was like "I'm super sorry to hear that, what was the cause?"

She said "she died of old age"

Me "that's comforting and f****d up at the same time'

Her "she was also sick, so what can you do"

Me "well she could've held on for 1 more year"

S**t got real quite, we said our good byes, after jumping in the whip, my partner said, "wtf is wrong with you??

Qu3ViveZapat0s Report

7points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

You wished her a longer life, but in this case that's not what she would have wished for herself.

3points

#66

After an important one of my son’s basketball games that they lost, I tried to console one of his teammates who played well but made a bad mistake. I didn’t know if I wanted to say “great job” or “good game”, so I ended up saying “good gob!” When he gave me a funny look I said, “Oh sorry. I meant geat grame!”

I was pretty embarrassed and he was really confused.

bigwomby Report

6points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

I sometimes use the phrase "Sorry, these aren't my teeth, I'm just keeping them warm for the dog" to apologise for a betise like this

4points

#67

When I was in college one of my classmates, whom I knew a little but not well, told me that her father had just died. In my surprise, for some reason, I smiled and laughed. Before I could correct myself, she looked at me in horror and turned her back to me.

These days, I know about social anxiety and that this type of reflexive reaction isn't uncommon, and it doesn't mean you don't care (I wasn't actually laughing at her), but I still feel terrible about it.

ClonePants Report

6points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Maybe she had reason - she was trying to cope but you didn't help. Her problem + your problem = one bigger problem. My attempted fix for when I do this is to put my face in my hands (People will interpret this as shame) and leave, without speaking.

0points

#68

Someone dropped a mug at a remembrance service of the Bosnian g*nocide. They immediately were embarrassed and apologetic and I brushed it off by telling them "no body no crime!".

king-geass Report

6points

POST

#69

I was telling some friends about how a bug landed on my uvula during a rugby game, which caused me to throw up *at that exact moment* while I was playing. However, instead of saying uvula, I accidentally said urethra. Cue confused looks from the people I had just met that were in the group too.

Caligulis Report

6points

POST

AtMostAFabulist Premium 1 week ago

It'll behoove ya, to care for your uvula.

1point

#70

As a kid I would always laugh uncontrollably in serious situations. I remember at daycare I once got in trouble for doing something and sent to the office to wait for my mom to come and pick me up. The manager was scolding me and I just bust out laughing looking at her face all mean and angry looking at me. This happened at another daycare as well and the manager got mad at my laughing and grabbed my face firmly in her hand to force me to look her in the eyes.

Another time our preacher randomly showed up during dinner time to meet with his congregation on a personal level and say a prayer for the families he met. He sat on the couch and my mom on the other, I sat in the chair across the room and he started his prayer. I remember it being so quiet and I just started laughing so hard I was vibrating trying to contain it. He stopped the prayer and just looked at me for a few seconds and then continued.

Many years later when I first got married I told my wife about this stuff, we moved together to a new town and joined a church to meet new people. Suddenly me laughing during a serious situation came back. We were in church and a lady from the choir was singing we had made a joke about the Sunday after church the week before because of how she looks and moves when she sings. Well she did a solo song again the following Sunday and I started laughing so hard I started shaking trying to hold it in. The couple behind me thought I was so moved from the song and thought I was crying as they could not see my face placed their hands on my shoulders to comfort me but they did not know I was cry laughing which made me laugh even more.

Key_nine Report

5points

POST

Leoninus Fate 1 week ago

I.... have pseudotumor cerebri, basically a brain tumor without a tumor, and it messes the nerves in my brain due to pressure, {hurts like hell} so for a long time my emotions were messed up, all I could feel was happiness and anger..... for the last 16 years i "have" emotions, but they're slightly messed, Like i can't be scared, like yea i can jump at loud stuff if my hearing aid is in, but scared no if I'm "scared" I start to laugh uncontrollably..... we found this out when my adopted mom would yell at me {not abuse just raised voices I couldn't so and "scared" me} and I would just laugh and laugh, causing a horrid cycle of her getting louder and me laughing till she got tired {i told her this... was abuse to me as she was on her deathbed and we talked it out} but laughing when scared..... it helps a lot and usually pi$$s people off in fights lol

1point

#71

I went into uncontrollable hysterical laughter while telling my boss why a $300,000 project was going down the tubes. I was laughing so hard I was crying and had trouble breathing. The more I tried to explain the harder I laughed.

I still remember him staring at me across his desk. "You know this is serious, right?"

"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! Y-y-yes! HAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!"

Years later when I saw the *Coupling* episode about the Giggle Loop it all made sense.

banjowashisnamo Report

5points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Coping mechanisms aren't necessarily understood by all

5points

#72

I once accidentally called my teacher "mom". I had stayed late to get some notes or something and we were walking out together. And she had said something and I accidentally responded with "I will, mom". I was so embarrassed!!! She just kinda reminded me of my mom and I forgot who I was talking to for a second 😂.

thepinkpoolnoodle Report

5points

POST

Piwakawaka 1 week ago

I'd be surprised if there are many teachers who haven't been called mum or dad at some point by a student.

7points

AnywhereOptimal1177 Report

#73

Hm, this is a hard one for me as it used to get me into a lot of trouble. But I have ADHD, and sometimes in really tough situations, i would bust out laughing. It was unconrollable and i never meant it. But people got so upset with me and i would have to leave the room. Not something I said, but did.

4points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

This is a tough part of ADHD to deal with, but it's part of the illness, not necessarily part of you

3points

#74

In sixth grade I was called on in class to give an oral presentation. I panicked and sprinted out of the classroom.

villettegirl Report

4points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

They're your classmates, not the Spanish Inquisition. So, yes, things are *really* bad ...

2points

#75

When I was in high school I had friends that you just walked into their house without knocking. We had a goody way of saying “hello”. So I walk in my friend’s house and say the goofy hello to a room full of people eating off of tray tables. My friend got up and pulled my out of the room and told me her father had died earlier that day.

cnowakoski Report

4points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Don't blame yourself for not knowing a thing, unless you had been told it earlier

1point

#76

Gave a eulogy at my uncle's funeral, got nervous and accidentally said, 'We'll all miss him, but at least he's in a better *placebo* now.' Didn't realize my mistake until I heard someone snort in the back row.

AmberRoseOFBarbie Report

4points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Hope this kept them happy

2points

#77

My stepmom's dad passed away and everyone took turns giving a speech. I was nervous cause I only knew him for 2 years and he had Alzheimer's, so he was different every time I saw him. I had no connection to him. I was skipped for the speech and my sister asked if I had something to say, I said no, I was relieved cause I didn't want to fake a speech.

I got my a*s chewed so bad.

throwra-spunout88 Report

3points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Fair emotion, poor phraseology

2points

#78

Not really a serious situation, but I was in a hotel using the elevator. I had previously been watching some “content”, and opened up safari as soon as the elevator door closed. The dead silence of the elevator was broken by extremely loud moaning. I couldn’t run out of there fast enough when the door opened. Most awkward 20 seconds of my life I think.

Line____Down Report

3points

POST

SirWriteALot 1 week ago

Always use a secondary browser in privacy mode!

1point

BFLOsnowglobeTrotter Report

#79

Said super excited over the top I yelled out “it’s great to see you!!!!” at a wake. She looked at me with such disdain.

3points

POST

Binky Melnik 1 week ago (edited)

I posted one just like this above. I feel a tiny bit better that others make the same faux pas. (Speaking of which my dad, a farmer usually caked in manure, was attending an inaugural ball because my aunt married well. Lotta snobby, hoity-toity folks in attendance, obviously, and dad was trying to fit in. He made a small joke which didn’t land and said, “I’m sorry; I’m afraid I made a fox pass.” I’ll bet my mom wanted to kill him, but I still think it’s funny! This is what you get when to take a grubby farmer to places he has NO experience in, and no desire to be there! What’d they expect? He couldn’t BE any more fish-out-of-water!)

1point

#80

I was going through jury selection back in 2012 or 2013. I was in the jurors box with others and we just finished answering questions from the prosecutor. All the lawyers in the case take a quick huddle at the bench and the judge calls out several people, one of them being me. He said you are all dismissed, thank you for your time. Now I don't know what possessed me to do this maybe it was because I was there at 8am and went through 4 different cases and kept being pushed to the next but as I was leaving that court room I threw up the deuces and said "Y'all have a good one, I'm out.". Now mind you this was a felony gun case, with over 5+ years on the line. I was on the second floor, I wanted to run and jump through the window I was so embarrassed.

Asunder_ Report

3points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

"Threw up the deuces" - that's a new one for me ...

1point

#81

Unmuted the wrong headset during a meeting, i was gaming while in a work meeting and was wearing 2 headsets so i have one on each ear to follow the meeting and the game i unmuted the wrong headset and started yelling order for my teammates in the meeting.

RHedenbouw Report

3points

POST

SirWriteALot 1 week ago

Uncool, man. These stories are the reason home office is being treated like slacking off. Which you obviously did.

27points

#82

I was in the woods with some other kids i barely knew. Cops busted us and were putting the fear in us. I told the cops I was a "goodie little two-shoes".

Romnonaldao Report

3points

POST

Andrew Keir 1 week ago

Fair enough as a self-image - but maybe cops shouldn't be putting the fear on kids?

1point