The one that comes to mind first was when my wife and I went to a local brewery with her parents and my father in law was chatting with the owner while we all were having a flight of beers to try a bunch of them. He asks the owner "hey (x) do you have any kids?" and the owner responds "no kids", gestures to the beers in front of us and says "these are my kids".

And without skipping a beat, I said "your kids are delicious!".

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I was pretty sure my FIL was cheating on my MIL with a much younger family friend. When I mentioned my concerns to my husband, he thought that I was being dramatic. Okay, whatever.

About 2 years later, my MIL took me out to lunch. On the car ride there, she said she had something to tell me, that FIL had been having an ongoing affair with much younger family friend. My dumb*ss reaction?

"I KNEW IT!!!!!".

formercotsachick Report

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Family friend posted on FB their close friends (mother/daughter) had been ki*led in the Middle East….i was horrified and somehow while attempting to post my condolences, posted an Ursula (Little Mermaid) GIF and couldn’t delete it 🙈.

Parking_Giraffe_8884 , Karolina Grabowska/unsplash Report

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A much younger co-worker told me “I’m pregnant!” At the time she was 20, living in a camper and unmarried with a new BF.

I said “Oh s**t! I’m so sorry!” Her entire being crumpled and she said “uhhhh no I’m very happy about it! My BF and I were trying!”

I felt about two inches tall. I’ve apologized any number of times since; she mostly found my awkward reaction hilarious but was trying not to barf, as it turned out. Years later, she is a very happily married mother of two children and her husband is awesome. (SORRY AGAIN, GIRL!).

underpantsbandit Report

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Well, moments ago I just told a WWII vet that I "used to see a lot more of y'all earlier in my career" in reference to them dying off, so there's that.

I'm really bad at small talk.

anon Report

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I was meeting with a client to assist with matters related to her husband's passing.

During our consultation I stated in regard to planning details: "well, nobody ever died from being prepared".

While I was able to continue the meeting and she didn't seem to notice the Texas sized faux pas I just let out.

Thinking about it 4 years later still makes me scream internally.

Notmydirtyalt , Ivan Aleksic/unsplash Report

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At a funeral I asked how’s it going to the sister of the deceased. I still say ahhhhhhhhhhh in the shower.

foxpost , Julia Taubitz/unsplash Report

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My husband, on the phone: "I've got really bad news, [friend] died this morning."

Me: "But he wasn't supposed to do that!"

SofieTerleska , sarah b/unsplash Report

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Wedding photographer. 6 (?) bridesmaids, having trouble communicating who I wanted to move. I blurted out "the skinny one".

_Enoch_ , Ave Calvar/unsplash Report

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While I was working at a supermarket a 10yo boy fell flat on his face, and we took him out the back with his parents to tend to his injuries. The mother said "I'm worried he has a concussion, we'd better call an ambulance". Having graduated majoring in neuroscience I thought it would be a good time to point out that "It's lucky he landed on his nose!"...

... because obviously that cushioned the landing for his brain. But the way everybody turned to stare at me, particularly the look on the father's face, suggested it would be best if I exited the room. I left quickly.

dysmetric Report

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At the construction site, an apprentice had crushed his hand (don't feel too bad, he did a stupid thing as soon as he was left unsupervised after being told never to do the thing, so it was totally on him, plus he did end up keeping the hand with at least partial function) and after he left for the hospital everyone else was ushered into a meeting to discuss it. 
  
The Safety guy was yknow, IQ of about 50, like most Safety guys, ESL-level command of the language though it was his mother tongue. So we were used to him saying "pacific" in place of "specific" and so on. When asked how the young man was coping, he meant to tell us the kid got sedation as soon as he got in the ambulance, but what he actually said was something like, "He was freaking out so bad they needed to seduce him on the drive to keep his mind off it". 
  

I looked like a total a*****e snorting with laughter as a youngster's future hung in the balance. But I regret nothing!

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I was at the Holocaust Museum in D.C. with my sister. There were several survivors out in the lobby sharing their stories. I am a very anxious person who tends to word-vomit when nervous.

We walked up to a woman because my sister wanted to talk to her. I kept a bit of distance because I was feeling so anxious to be in the presence of someone I deem to be a hero for surviving the horrors of a concentration camp and having the courage to share them with us.

After she gets done telling us about how she was the only survivor in her family (unfortunately most of her family had perished upon arriving at Auschwitz), she asked if anyone had questions. No one spoke up, so she asked again, making direct eye contact with me.

I blurted out "BUT WHERE IS YOUR FAMILY?!" and she got this super sad look in her eyes and simply shrugged. I wanted to die. I apologized profusely and ran out of there SO FAST while my sister was dying of embarrassment. I hope that wonderful hero understands I was overcome with emotion and wasn't just trying to be a d**k.

I'm sorry, Esther. ❤️.

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Okay not as bad as many here but:

In college I worked as an office assistant. One day I was tasked with tracking down the office's ice chest and bringing it back for an event they were hosting later. I found it in an *occupied* conference room - very important people in nice suits holding a seemingly important/formal meeting around a big oval table. I awkwardly and quietly tried to step in and drag the ice chest out from the corner (no explanation given).

Unfortunately it was full of half-melted ice and a lot of water. When I finally got it to the doorway it got stuck and then dumped over. A f*****g tidal wave of ice water spilled out over 25% of the room. I ran to the bathroom for a handful of napkins and feebly attempted to soak up *gallons* of water while they tried to continue their meeting.

Eventually I panicked and just dragged the ice chest out. I stopped a janitor in the hall and said "I think there was a spill in that conference room over there..." then hurried away.

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Not me but a friend was at work when this guy came in all un focused and not acting like himself. Mind you this is a blue collar shop environment. He says "What the f***s wrong with you? Did someone die or some s**t?" Guy looks at him and says. "My twin sister died last night".

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I don’t know if this was more awkward or just stupid but I’ll go with it anyway.

When I was 17 me along with three of my friends got arrested for armed robbery. We didn’t do it, and it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They brought us to the police station and were investigating what happened and in walks in a detective who I have known since I was little.

He looked at me and says “what the hell did you do?”

Mistakingly, I replied “What didn’t I do!?”

Made it look so much worse. But he knew me well and knew I’m not the type of person to do what I was accused of doing and he made sure that other guys investigating the case made sure they knew the story 100%. After hours of sitting at the jail, they let us go.

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When my dad was getting arrested by the feds my house was raided while he wasn’t there and they sat me and my siblings on the couch to tell us what he had been arrested and I out loud said “well sucks to suck I guess.” My siblings still make fun of me for it.

FarFact4811 , Curated Lifestyle/unsplash Report

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I farted during a eulogy one time. I thought it would be silent and unobtrusive… it was neither.

mike_face_killah Report

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I don't know if it counts as serious but my dad used to deliver items to different offices every day. So, while he knew people there, he saw them once a week at most. One day, he saw a woman he knew was pregnant. He said, "Wow. When are you due? You look ready to pop." She replied, "I had him two months ago.".

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My first big interview im sitting there when two women walk in to start the interview. I stand up, shake their hands, and say “looks like you two are going to tag-team me, huh?” I immediately knew that wasn't the right thing to say. They just laughed and moved on. Got the job, too!

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At my former company, the CEO was pushed into resignation after an acquisition. He had helped found the company and grew it from the ground up over 15 years. An all-hands was organized to celebrate his career and possible retirement - wine, cake, and a large picture with signed well wishes...the whole nine yards of corporate party planning. He stood quietly as the room filled, taking in the sea of faces he had come to know over the years, readying himself for some tough goodbyes he was not prepared to have.

"Yeesh, who died?" I quipped with a gentle nudge to his side. No response.

lakestreetjive Report

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This past Saturday I saw my nephew unexpectedly at a relative's house and called him his dead father's name instead of his name. He's 17 and the sweetest kid ever and I feel awful.

hometeamwins Report

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I was having the most intimate honest conversation with my new bf at the time. The vibes were amazing we were sat on my roof staring at the stars discussing our painful times and just really bonding. We were both crying, truly such an amazing moment.. and you guessed it.. I f*****g farted. 😐 I sat up to adjust and let out a good ol big one. I’m talking cheek clapper this was no “huh? What was that?” It was blank stare at each other “oh okay” moment. After the awkwardness subsided though we laughed and he was very nice to me about it and we have been together since. Almost 6 years by the end of December lol.

anon-o-mas Report

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In the prime awkward years of 7th or 8th grade I was in boy scouts and decided to puruse the Lifesaving merit badge. As part of the final test you have to prove to a real certified life guard that you can do a number of things like dives, first aid, how to approach a struggling swimmer, etc. One test was measuring how fast you could get out of normal clothes, dive in, and retrieve someone.

Of course the lifeguard that day was to me Wendy Peffercorn. During that test I struggled, pantsed myself, and flashed her and all of the other test takers.

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I was walking back to my dorm late at nite when I saw a man running dead silent at full speed in Converse and Jean shorts. I went into the road and started swinging my purse around while he tried to calm me down. He was on a jog and had on AirPods (new at the time), but I thought I was about to get m*rdered lol.

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We had a special needs gentleman come visit our tiny village primary school. I'm not exactly sure what his particular ailment was, cerebral palsy, maybe? Anyway, question time was at the end, and it was like a bolt of lightening came to me, I thought, oh my god. I quite literally have the best question in the entire world of questions, it's The One. I am so smart to have thought of this. Up went my hand, and the gentleman gestured at me to ask my question. So I said, brimming with unnatural confidence,

"Do you wish you were normal??!".

oxymoronisanoxymoron Report

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I was getting a zoom call back when Covid was happening to get into this schooling program for electrical. When they asked me “what have you been recently been doing at work?” And my dumb a*s response was “oh you know, running pipes and s**t” and then sat there like. Did I just say that💀 and the guy proceeds to reply with a head nod and say “oh! Pipes and s**t…”. Got accepted into the program 4 years later about to enter their apprenticeship program!

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Was talking to my new boss about organizing our large walk-in fridge and he asked if anyone had shown me around it... I responded, 'yeah, I've been inside Jeff.'

There was an awkward silence, and so I clarified, "I mean, I've been in there with Jeff."

Jeff is an elderly, obese man.

GrandMoffTarkles Report

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My default greeting for a long time was: "Hey, how's it going?" in an upbeat tone. Not the best choice of words to use when greeting someone at the door to the church at their mom's funeral. Luckily he took it in stride and just said "Hanging in there" instead of being brutally honest about his feelings in the moment. The sadness in his eyes was haunting though.

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Back in school, I dropped in on a buddy of mine wearing a cool t-shirt from Wes Craven’s “The Serpent and the Rainbow”, complete with artwork across the back of a drippy, zombie thing, emblazoned with the words, “Don’t bury me! I’m not dead!”…

Right into a wake for his recently departed aunt.

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My boss wanted me to explain something from the presentation and I replied saying “it’s self explanatory”.

gudetaamaago Report

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My sister and I had an epic case of the giggles at my uncle's funeral. We were sharing our thoughts on him when he was alive. Let’s just say he was one of those people who are fountains of funny stories. Our husbands tried to separate us by sitting in between us, so then we started passing notes. In church.

anon Report

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Once when I was in high school, we had like an ‘inspirational speaker’ come and talk to us about like life choices and the like. His thing was that he was an amputee who had lost his arm after getting so intoxicated he stumbled onto a train track and it got cut off.

After telling his story he opened my year group up to any questions we might’ve had. Without missing A BEAT, my little autistic a*s put my hand up in the air and asked him “If you could go back in time and change anything, would you do it?”

To his absolute credit, he didn’t chew me out and answered my question in good faith. It wasn’t until after that my classmates rightfully pointed out I just asked a man who had his arm cut off would go back in time and do anything different… I wanted the ground to SWALLOW me whole.

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I used to live at a married university apartment complex where several apartment buildings shared a common space in between the buildings (we called it the court). It was a very, very social common area and in the summer everyone was out socializing, BBQing, or playing with their kids in the court.

One day I was out socializing in the court when I saw a new couple moving a couch from one apartment to their own. I went over to help them as it was an awkward sized couch for only 2 people to move.

As we were walking the couch to this couple’s new apartment, the former owner of the couch ran up to us with the cushions and as she put them on the couch one of them fell off. The one side of the cushion had a large, dark brown stain on it.

Jokingly I said, “Did you m*rder someone on your couch Jane?”.

She matter of factly responded, “No, but I had our last baby on this couch”

The new owners made awkward eye contact with one another, and in silence we awkwardly walked the couch to the couple apartment.

leakyaquitard Report

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I used to travel through Frankfurt Airport.... a lot. Eventually I started getting flagged, taken to a backroom, and having this old german guy scream at me about being a d**g mule while they search my bag. At this point this has happened 3 -4 times, always the same guy.

This time I was traveling with a coworker. He sees me getting dragged off while he is going through security. I'm sitting their getting my usual taste of german hospitality when he ackwardly opens the door to the interrogation room (why wasn't it locked?). We both yell "GO AWAY" at the same time. He looks at me, smiles, and we have a good laugh. Next few times he was friendlier.

ooo-ooo-oooyea Report

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This one time me and my partner were talking to this lady we both know, lady was telling me that her mother just died, I was like "I'm super sorry to hear that, what was the cause?"

She said "she died of old age"

Me "that's comforting and f****d up at the same time'

Her "she was also sick, so what can you do"

Me "well she could've held on for 1 more year"

S**t got real quite, we said our good byes, after jumping in the whip, my partner said, "wtf is wrong with you??

Qu3ViveZapat0s Report

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After an important one of my son’s basketball games that they lost, I tried to console one of his teammates who played well but made a bad mistake. I didn’t know if I wanted to say “great job” or “good game”, so I ended up saying “good gob!” When he gave me a funny look I said, “Oh sorry. I meant geat grame!”

I was pretty embarrassed and he was really confused.

bigwomby Report

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When I was in college one of my classmates, whom I knew a little but not well, told me that her father had just died. In my surprise, for some reason, I smiled and laughed. Before I could correct myself, she looked at me in horror and turned her back to me.

These days, I know about social anxiety and that this type of reflexive reaction isn't uncommon, and it doesn't mean you don't care (I wasn't actually laughing at her), but I still feel terrible about it.

ClonePants Report

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Someone dropped a mug at a remembrance service of the Bosnian g*nocide. They immediately were embarrassed and apologetic and I brushed it off by telling them "no body no crime!".

king-geass Report

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I was telling some friends about how a bug landed on my uvula during a rugby game, which caused me to throw up *at that exact moment* while I was playing. However, instead of saying uvula, I accidentally said urethra. Cue confused looks from the people I had just met that were in the group too.

Caligulis Report

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As a kid I would always laugh uncontrollably in serious situations. I remember at daycare I once got in trouble for doing something and sent to the office to wait for my mom to come and pick me up. The manager was scolding me and I just bust out laughing looking at her face all mean and angry looking at me. This happened at another daycare as well and the manager got mad at my laughing and grabbed my face firmly in her hand to force me to look her in the eyes.

Another time our preacher randomly showed up during dinner time to meet with his congregation on a personal level and say a prayer for the families he met. He sat on the couch and my mom on the other, I sat in the chair across the room and he started his prayer. I remember it being so quiet and I just started laughing so hard I was vibrating trying to contain it. He stopped the prayer and just looked at me for a few seconds and then continued.

Many years later when I first got married I told my wife about this stuff, we moved together to a new town and joined a church to meet new people. Suddenly me laughing during a serious situation came back. We were in church and a lady from the choir was singing we had made a joke about the Sunday after church the week before because of how she looks and moves when she sings. Well she did a solo song again the following Sunday and I started laughing so hard I started shaking trying to hold it in. The couple behind me thought I was so moved from the song and thought I was crying as they could not see my face placed their hands on my shoulders to comfort me but they did not know I was cry laughing which made me laugh even more.

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I went into uncontrollable hysterical laughter while telling my boss why a $300,000 project was going down the tubes. I was laughing so hard I was crying and had trouble breathing. The more I tried to explain the harder I laughed.

I still remember him staring at me across his desk. "You know this is serious, right?"

"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! Y-y-yes! HAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!"

Years later when I saw the *Coupling* episode about the Giggle Loop it all made sense.

banjowashisnamo Report

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I once accidentally called my teacher "mom". I had stayed late to get some notes or something and we were walking out together. And she had said something and I accidentally responded with "I will, mom". I was so embarrassed!!! She just kinda reminded me of my mom and I forgot who I was talking to for a second 😂.

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Hm, this is a hard one for me as it used to get me into a lot of trouble. But I have ADHD, and sometimes in really tough situations, i would bust out laughing. It was unconrollable and i never meant it. But people got so upset with me and i would have to leave the room. Not something I said, but did.

AnywhereOptimal1177 Report

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In sixth grade I was called on in class to give an oral presentation. I panicked and sprinted out of the classroom.

villettegirl Report

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When I was in high school I had friends that you just walked into their house without knocking. We had a goody way of saying “hello”. So I walk in my friend’s house and say the goofy hello to a room full of people eating off of tray tables. My friend got up and pulled my out of the room and told me her father had died earlier that day.

cnowakoski Report

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Gave a eulogy at my uncle's funeral, got nervous and accidentally said, 'We'll all miss him, but at least he's in a better *placebo* now.' Didn't realize my mistake until I heard someone snort in the back row.

AmberRoseOFBarbie Report

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My stepmom's dad passed away and everyone took turns giving a speech. I was nervous cause I only knew him for 2 years and he had Alzheimer's, so he was different every time I saw him. I had no connection to him. I was skipped for the speech and my sister asked if I had something to say, I said no, I was relieved cause I didn't want to fake a speech.

I got my a*s chewed so bad.

throwra-spunout88 Report

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Not really a serious situation, but I was in a hotel using the elevator. I had previously been watching some “content”, and opened up safari as soon as the elevator door closed. The dead silence of the elevator was broken by extremely loud moaning. I couldn’t run out of there fast enough when the door opened. Most awkward 20 seconds of my life I think.

Line____Down Report

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Said super excited over the top I yelled out “it’s great to see you!!!!” at a wake. She looked at me with such disdain.

BFLOsnowglobeTrotter Report

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I was going through jury selection back in 2012 or 2013. I was in the jurors box with others and we just finished answering questions from the prosecutor. All the lawyers in the case take a quick huddle at the bench and the judge calls out several people, one of them being me. He said you are all dismissed, thank you for your time. Now I don't know what possessed me to do this maybe it was because I was there at 8am and went through 4 different cases and kept being pushed to the next but as I was leaving that court room I threw up the deuces and said "Y'all have a good one, I'm out.". Now mind you this was a felony gun case, with over 5+ years on the line. I was on the second floor, I wanted to run and jump through the window I was so embarrassed.

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Unmuted the wrong headset during a meeting, i was gaming while in a work meeting and was wearing 2 headsets so i have one on each ear to follow the meeting and the game i unmuted the wrong headset and started yelling order for my teammates in the meeting.

RHedenbouw Report

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I was in the woods with some other kids i barely knew. Cops busted us and were putting the fear in us. I told the cops I was a "goodie little two-shoes".

Romnonaldao Report

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Once, during a serious presentation, I confidently declared that “we’re all in the same boat” and then realized I had just accidentally compared our teamwork to a sinking ship! The room erupted in laughter, but I was definitely blushing!

TinnaPearllly Report

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