Swipe! A mere flick of a finger is all it takes for you to find that perfect match made in heaven. Well, at least it would in an ideal world. Because these days, venturing into the dating arena often feels like spinning a wheel of fortune where only a lucky few encounter carefully-curated online personas that actually meet reality.
The chances of meeting someone kind and compassionate sometimes seem extremely low. And despite taking plenty of precautions, there's a strong possibility a potential candidate will shatter every last bit of hope for your dreamy relationship into pieces. So it's best to arm yourself with knowledge about the red flags to look out for to ensure that your efforts don't go to waste.
"When it comes to dating apps, what is an automatic 'pass' for you?" asked Redditor LuckyC1723 and it sparked an illuminating thread on 'Ask Reddit'. People immediately jumped to the comment section to share their takes about the biggest turn-offs that make them swipe left without a second thought. We at Bored Panda have rounded up some of the most memorable responses to share with you all, so continue scrolling! Keep reading to also find our interviews with the Redditor who sparked this conversation, as well as Canada-based dating coach Sally Heart, down below. Then upvote the replies you agree with and be sure to weigh in with your own suggestions in the comments.
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We managed to get in touch with Redditor LuckyC1723, who was kind enough to have a chat about what inspired them to start this conversation in the first place. "I was just curious to see what other people value. It’s interesting to constantly see a lot of notifications from all the responses. It was fun," the user shared with Bored Panda. "It was cool to see what things were the most common 'passes.'"
When it comes to the instant turn-offs they personally feel while swimming in the deep waters of the dating pool, "not smiling with teeth is my biggest one", the user said. The one response that stood out the most in the comments was about the profiles with lists of demands, they added. "I’ve seen them but forgot about those types of bios."
As people jumped to the comments to share the most frustrating things they encounter while looking for The One, a brief scroll through this list may convince you that navigating the twists and turns of the online dating world is tough. "I think it’s difficult because there are so many options," LuckyC1723 said. "Why take this person seriously when you have another person or several waiting to talk to you."
"Respect yourself," the user advised. "If you’re confused about someone you’re interested in — move on. A person who is also interested in you won’t confuse you. You’ll know for sure they are into you."
A profile that's just a list of demands. "Don't be this, don't do this, spend money on me, do this, do that, etc."
Today, an astonishing number of people turn to their phones or the internet believing it’s the best place to meet singles. Statista reports that in 2020, there were an estimated 26.6 million smartphone dating app users in the United States. And it’s hardly surprising, as dating sites and mobile apps are extremely helpful tools to bring two people together. Most of the time.
Because despite what many people think, the dire reality is that finding a partner has not become easier at all. Data from Pew Research Center has shown that nearly half of U.S. adults — and a majority of women — say that dating has become harder in the last 10 years. Would-be daters sometimes experience how apps tend to bring out the worst in some people, and many consistently express dissatisfaction, frustration, and hopelessness about the process.
If any statement includes "if you can't handle", nah, I'm out.
Because if she can't handle me at my most selective, then she doesn't deserve me at my most openminded.
Also, demanding that you be original while her profile is exactly the same as 99% of other women's profiles, f**k that.
To gain insight from an expert in the field, we reached out to dating coach Sally Heart who aims to help women build the necessary mindset and strategy to find and attract the love they truly deserve. She has a free online dating safety course called Safety Hacks for Online Dating to keep women safe from the dangers of online dating, including how to avoid scams or risks to personal safety using smart resources.
According to Sally, people tend to face many emotional hazards as they swipe and scroll because on these apps, the feeling of anonymity is present, even if people share their photos. "Some people lose the sense that there is a real person behind the other screen, and as a result will say or do things they wouldn’t normally do if they had met in person," she explained.
"Find out ;)"
I don't know if it's common everywhere, but it is in my region.
Sir, if I wanted to find anything out, I'd hire a private detective. And you're not worth the money.
“I’m actually 20, idk why it says 24 lol”
Or something to that effect.
Why lie about 4 years, especially when you’re that young? 24 is far from old, ffs.
single word replies to everything with no effort to make conversation.
if you weren't interested, why tf did you match.
I then usually say my back hurt. when they ask why, tell them it is from carrying this conversation...
The dating coach pointed out that while there may be many pitfalls in online dating, the biggest one is daters failing to make a strong enough attempt to meet other people. "You should be trying to go on at least a date a week. At the end of the day, online dating is no different than regular dating… it’s a numbers game!"
"The more people you meet, the more likely you’ll meet the right person for you," the coach continued. "Your goal should be to try to meet people in person as quickly as possible because that’s going to determine if there is a real connection and fit for the long term. The in-person connection will always trump an online connection."
Height requirements kind of bum me out... I'm 6'2", likely to be taller than any woman I match with, it's just... I don't see myself getting along with anyone who would make that such a set-in-stone priority that it's in their profile.
Naming country music as one of their interests is also a bit of a gray flag. Not a knock on the genre or its fans, it's just usually an indicator that we're not speaking the same language.
People who behave like they're too good for you. Instant no.
But it may feel challenging to find a match when dating apps nudge people to make split-second decisions by relying on profile pictures and descriptions that guide them. "Online dating IS all about looks and first impressions," Sally told Bored Panda. "That’s why I encourage all my clients to put some effort in their profile pictures while painting an 'accurate' picture of who they are."
Talk too much about who they want and not enough about who they are
Because they know who they want isn’t realistic. Real people aren’t perfect representations of your puerile fantasies.
The dating coach advised you to always put your best foot forward and show off your best assets. "That said, don't use filters in an attempt to make yourself look better. For men, they hate it when they can’t see a woman’s body in pictures, and for women, they hate it when men wear nothing but hats and sunglasses."
"You want to accurately represent what you look like but in the best light possible. Wear your nicest clothes, the ones that show off your best assets and make an effort with your hair, makeup and overall aesthetic. It’s not about wearing tons of makeup if that’s not you, but about showing yourself in the best light," Sally added.
There are some profiles where people are obviously angry at their lack of success in finding a hook-up or relationship or whatever. Stuff like “I doubt anyone here is even real.” Or “I hate profile questions, just message me.” Or “I’m not interested in going 20 rounds in chat. Message me if you want a real man and a real date.”
The lack of effort tells me that you and I would not be compatible.
People who brag about paying their own bills like it isn’t already something you’re supposed to be doing.
Posing in front of a BMW/Mercedes/Porsche etc.
A friend of mine genuinely owns - and has available to hire - a number of high end sports cars. His customers are usually "influencers" trying to imply a lifestyle they cannot actually afford. I always see people posing with a car like that and think "I wonder if they rented that from M?"
We were curious to learn what mistakes to avoid in a profile bio, as well as what a good online dating profile should look like to give you real chances of finding love. "The BIGGEST mistake I see people make with their online dating profile is including negative language: 'Don’t message me if… I can’t stand a man who… My pet peeves are… I hate it when...'" Sally explained.
"Another terrible faux pas that I continue to see people do is to crap all over online dating or allude to the fact that you don’t want to be online: 'My friends made this profile for me… I know this isn’t the best place to meet people… I haven’t had the best luck with this…' etc."
Weird anime pictures or memes instead of a normal
Picture of them
"future milf" /
"can probably outsmoke/drink you" /
"5'6 cause it matters" /
"let me meet your dog" /
"hmu with your best pickup line" /
"I made this as a joke"
Just be creative, for f**k's sake. People who use these tired lines are basically signaling that all they have going for them is their looks.
One more thing: if you're almost exclusively posting yourself in a bikini, I'm not interested. Not because I'm a prude or anything, but some girls' profiles look like an 1800's slave auction with the way they advertise themselves. It makes me feel like a pervert. It signals to me that they pride themselves on their looks instead of their character. Men aren't as shallow as people think they are. A lot of us can see through that s**t.
I'm interested to see what women experience on the other end of Tinder. It's probably much, much worse.
When they start listing what they don't want, stuff like "don't talk to me if you're under 6'0" tall"
I don't understand why anyone would care what height someone else is?? It doesn't change their personality
Your profile is crucial when determining your success online, so if you wish to stand out from the crowd and find potential dates, Sally had a few suggestions. "People should be focusing on showing and demonstrating who they are by painting a picture. Instead of saying 'I am a kind person', you could tell them how you demonstrate that characteristic 'I help out at a local shelter every month.'"
People who take photos of themselves pretending to be asleep. So cringe.
Listing religion as a requirement. That is, not if it lists "Religion: Christian" or something, but when they say something like "Must be interested in improving his relationship with Jesus".
I guess if you only want to date within your religion, it is effective
“I can probably out smoke you” ye that’s not a flex Makayla
While it’s important to remember that online dating takes time, the dating coach offered some tips to help you find a match in no time. "If you’re a woman, ASK MEN OUT! Being the approacher is different from being the pursuer. Contrary to popular belief, the majority of men love it when the woman makes the first move, so BE BOLD," she advised.
Moreover, consider including videos or audio of you talking in your profile as this makes you feel like a real person. "[This] reduces the number of negative or rude messages you’ll receive and increases your odds of connecting with people and being asked out on dates. It’s harder to be mean to someone who you can watch and listen to, it makes you more 'human,'" Sally concluded.
People who are super political in their bio. If all you have to say about yourself is your political affiliation, I already know it's gonna be a headache to talk to you in text or person.
If your political party is LIFE fornyou..for you... its a big no... no problems with things like "registered dem/rep" but when it's a huge deal and when you're only willing to date someone who matches your ideals perfectly. RED FLAG
When they have so many filters and only close up shots from the chin up.
"I'm here for a good time, not a long one"
I don't take issue if you want to live your life like that, but if I have to hear the phrase again I'm gonna hide in a space shuttle and get off while I'm on the moon.
"Don't be boring"
So basically, they’re saying that they want someone who will always have to entertain them, while they do nothing to entertain them in return. Witty conversation is supposed to be a two way street. Both people have to contribute. They sound like they’re lazy and dull as a wet dishrag.
Whats boring to you is exciting to someone else. People who say don't be boring usually have no listed interests. Hard pass for me :)
"If you're bored, then you're boring." Harvey Danger, "Flagpole Sitta"
hmm. I've found that most people are boring, you don't need to directly say this. For starters, a blank "bio" and or a phrase like "just ask me".
Yup, met a few of those. One was boring enough for 2, the other needed someone who could keep up with her ADHD
When I was on dating apps, number one thing that made me pass was kids.
Respect to anyone who's making it work, I am friends with single parents and it's f*****g rough. But I do not like kids and even if I did I am not at a point in my life where I can be a parental figure.
"Just seeing what's out there."
You want to borrow my binoculars? They'll probably help you look around better.
I'm surprised "entrepreneur" hasn't made the list. It used to put me off instantly.
YES. Or "travelling free spirit, digital nomad" etc..mostly means they are homeless and without a real job.
Load More Replies...I met my now husband when online dating just started. I just put a normal photo of me up and was totally honest with the things I wrote. I figured it might get me more dates if I post an edited or posed photo and write what people want to hear, but sooner or later they'll see and get to know the real me. So what's the point in wasting each others time.
Personal turn off for me is photos where women are orange with fake tan. Fake tan itself can be fine, just its over use is.... ridiculous.
This definitely proves you are in the UK. I call them the chavettes.
Load More Replies...Here's a couple that make me instantly swipe left courtesy of Scottish tinder. If you don't have banter then swipe left - Lass all I have to go on is your photos and your little blurb about yourself sometimes even less, how do I know if you will get my banter on top of that conversations and banter goes both ways. The other one i see way too often Have to make me laugh - I agree being able to make each other laugh is important in a relationship of any type but Aye, let me just crack out my stand up routine which features only the edgiest and dirtiest jokes. I can be pretty funny once I get a better understanding of someone but I'm not going to be throwing anything out until I can feel relaxed speaking with you. Online dating is draining and I have less and less energy for it these days. Too many one sided conversations and people who clearly enjoy sampling their own brands
I was completely honest about my accomplishments and my shortcomings. I did not try sell some ideal version of myself, but basically said “here’s how I’m great, here’s how I’m mediocre, and here’s how I stink.” And then also what was important to me culturally, politically and ethically. It was probably the most honest I’ve ever been with myself and it worked. Been married nine years now to the best person I’ve ever met, and I have kept no secrets.
" Be interesting/don't be boring" with no interests listed. "Attractive people only" with no mention of what attracts you.
Also an 'ask me and I'll tell you' to any question on their profile. Profiles where they talk about their ex. Just makes me think they're clearly not over their ex and are on the rebound. People trying to make the conversation sexual even if you've made it clear that's not what you're there for. I gave up on online dating a long time ago and decided to remain happily single ☺️
I can’t believe no one talked about sarcasm or partner in crime. I swear to god the “fluent in sarcasm…if you don’t like sarcasm I’m not for you…” or any other form of putting sarcastic as a selling point makes me so frustrated. And partner in crime 🤦🏼♂️
"Partner in crime" is a huge buzzword on SA tinder. Also "live life to the fullest" and "a glass of vino" ... f-off idiots.
Load More Replies...The constant d*ck picks, as soon as you swipe right. Tell me gentle Pandas, has that ever worked, for anyone? Or is getting your "equipment" seen an end in itself?
I was dating before dating apps. Number one red flag was someone talking constantly about what a terrible person their ex was, or even worse, every ex he had was a terrible person. I very rarely talked about my ex on dates, but I did refuse to date anyone named Frank.
Nothing but headshots and closeups of your face. What are you hiding? Why can’t I see all of you? Also, if any sort of MLM is mentioned, I’m out.
I can say from experience that after one-too-many mismatches (making excuses not to meet, one-word replies, not even bothering to talk on dates etc), that I have practically deleted the Tinder app. Nothing against dating apps, but I think I've had enough of them for a while.
tinder sucks but unfortunately it basically has a monopoly.
Load More Replies...My three are tattoos (that's personal though), women that never try to converse with you or intiate conversation and, as a man, you have to do all the conversational heavy lifting, and inspirational quotes or memes, no man has ever gotten attracted to a woman because of the inspirational quotes she posted as pictures on her profile.
My hard pass (back when I tried online dating): she has a dozen photos, 3 are of a group of women, the rest are a pet (solo) and pix of scenery (sunset, beach, forest,etc.) My first thought "Wow, here's someone with no self confidence!"
I agree with most of the list, and most of the comments; one red flag for me is when someone is holding a drink in every single picture. That tells me they might have a problem and they don't see it as such. Another is when they only post pictures of nature; like, ok, I agree, the world is beautiful, but that doesn't tell me anything about you. Other red flags off the top of my head are the staged "laugh shot", pictures of them against a wall that has angel wings painted on it, and a shot of them standing on a skyscraper skydeck. Oh, and skydiving, but there's always an instructor. I'd be impressed if you were an actual skydiver, but doing it once or twice, meh.
"vintage hipster" silence Kaiyleigh, the only vintage thing about you is your bike. "weed is life" okay Jared, but i want a partner who cares about me more than weed "(political schpiel after political schpiel)" Karen, please keep your distance.
Do you have what's app, do you have messenger kick snap chat etc litrally we are talking on a messaging app successfully already why is there this insistence on talking on a different app, also we've exchanged 3 lines of chat I'm not going to give my number or personal information out to every man that comes along and says hello, once I've confidentially figured out your probably not a crazy axe murderer 🤣 and we have common ground and a conversation actually takes place then Ill happily exchange details there's some weird people on the internet safety first surely 🤷
Wow! People are so picky! My red flags: * I'm a teenager! * I'm married! * I'm an ax murderer! * I'm dead! I got murdered by a person with an ax!
I'm a teenage, married, axe murderer, who was murdered with an axe... I got better.
Load More Replies...I'm surprised "entrepreneur" hasn't made the list. It used to put me off instantly.
YES. Or "travelling free spirit, digital nomad" etc..mostly means they are homeless and without a real job.
Load More Replies...I met my now husband when online dating just started. I just put a normal photo of me up and was totally honest with the things I wrote. I figured it might get me more dates if I post an edited or posed photo and write what people want to hear, but sooner or later they'll see and get to know the real me. So what's the point in wasting each others time.
Personal turn off for me is photos where women are orange with fake tan. Fake tan itself can be fine, just its over use is.... ridiculous.
This definitely proves you are in the UK. I call them the chavettes.
Load More Replies...Here's a couple that make me instantly swipe left courtesy of Scottish tinder. If you don't have banter then swipe left - Lass all I have to go on is your photos and your little blurb about yourself sometimes even less, how do I know if you will get my banter on top of that conversations and banter goes both ways. The other one i see way too often Have to make me laugh - I agree being able to make each other laugh is important in a relationship of any type but Aye, let me just crack out my stand up routine which features only the edgiest and dirtiest jokes. I can be pretty funny once I get a better understanding of someone but I'm not going to be throwing anything out until I can feel relaxed speaking with you. Online dating is draining and I have less and less energy for it these days. Too many one sided conversations and people who clearly enjoy sampling their own brands
I was completely honest about my accomplishments and my shortcomings. I did not try sell some ideal version of myself, but basically said “here’s how I’m great, here’s how I’m mediocre, and here’s how I stink.” And then also what was important to me culturally, politically and ethically. It was probably the most honest I’ve ever been with myself and it worked. Been married nine years now to the best person I’ve ever met, and I have kept no secrets.
" Be interesting/don't be boring" with no interests listed. "Attractive people only" with no mention of what attracts you.
Also an 'ask me and I'll tell you' to any question on their profile. Profiles where they talk about their ex. Just makes me think they're clearly not over their ex and are on the rebound. People trying to make the conversation sexual even if you've made it clear that's not what you're there for. I gave up on online dating a long time ago and decided to remain happily single ☺️
I can’t believe no one talked about sarcasm or partner in crime. I swear to god the “fluent in sarcasm…if you don’t like sarcasm I’m not for you…” or any other form of putting sarcastic as a selling point makes me so frustrated. And partner in crime 🤦🏼♂️
"Partner in crime" is a huge buzzword on SA tinder. Also "live life to the fullest" and "a glass of vino" ... f-off idiots.
Load More Replies...The constant d*ck picks, as soon as you swipe right. Tell me gentle Pandas, has that ever worked, for anyone? Or is getting your "equipment" seen an end in itself?
I was dating before dating apps. Number one red flag was someone talking constantly about what a terrible person their ex was, or even worse, every ex he had was a terrible person. I very rarely talked about my ex on dates, but I did refuse to date anyone named Frank.
Nothing but headshots and closeups of your face. What are you hiding? Why can’t I see all of you? Also, if any sort of MLM is mentioned, I’m out.
I can say from experience that after one-too-many mismatches (making excuses not to meet, one-word replies, not even bothering to talk on dates etc), that I have practically deleted the Tinder app. Nothing against dating apps, but I think I've had enough of them for a while.
tinder sucks but unfortunately it basically has a monopoly.
Load More Replies...My three are tattoos (that's personal though), women that never try to converse with you or intiate conversation and, as a man, you have to do all the conversational heavy lifting, and inspirational quotes or memes, no man has ever gotten attracted to a woman because of the inspirational quotes she posted as pictures on her profile.
My hard pass (back when I tried online dating): she has a dozen photos, 3 are of a group of women, the rest are a pet (solo) and pix of scenery (sunset, beach, forest,etc.) My first thought "Wow, here's someone with no self confidence!"
I agree with most of the list, and most of the comments; one red flag for me is when someone is holding a drink in every single picture. That tells me they might have a problem and they don't see it as such. Another is when they only post pictures of nature; like, ok, I agree, the world is beautiful, but that doesn't tell me anything about you. Other red flags off the top of my head are the staged "laugh shot", pictures of them against a wall that has angel wings painted on it, and a shot of them standing on a skyscraper skydeck. Oh, and skydiving, but there's always an instructor. I'd be impressed if you were an actual skydiver, but doing it once or twice, meh.
"vintage hipster" silence Kaiyleigh, the only vintage thing about you is your bike. "weed is life" okay Jared, but i want a partner who cares about me more than weed "(political schpiel after political schpiel)" Karen, please keep your distance.
Do you have what's app, do you have messenger kick snap chat etc litrally we are talking on a messaging app successfully already why is there this insistence on talking on a different app, also we've exchanged 3 lines of chat I'm not going to give my number or personal information out to every man that comes along and says hello, once I've confidentially figured out your probably not a crazy axe murderer 🤣 and we have common ground and a conversation actually takes place then Ill happily exchange details there's some weird people on the internet safety first surely 🤷
Wow! People are so picky! My red flags: * I'm a teenager! * I'm married! * I'm an ax murderer! * I'm dead! I got murdered by a person with an ax!
I'm a teenage, married, axe murderer, who was murdered with an axe... I got better.
Load More Replies...