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Mom Expects Daughter To Pay For Her Plastic Surgery, Tries Gaslighting Her After Being Told ‘No’
Mom Expects Daughter To Pay For Her Plastic Surgery, Tries Gaslighting Her After Being Told ‘No’
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Mom Expects Daughter To Pay For Her Plastic Surgery, Tries Gaslighting Her After Being Told ‘No’

68

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Despite the fact that parents should do their utmost to protect and nurture us, some adults simply do not know how to control their worst impulses. Narcissists, abusers, and deadbeats can still manage to have kids, to their offspring’s woe.

A woman described the conflict she had with her mother, who decided to try and gaslight her into thinking she agreed to pay for her cosmetic surgery. As often happens with children of narcissistic parents, OP didn’t even understand just how toxic her mother was until netizens talked her through it in the comments section.

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    Parents might at times ask their children for help or favors

    Image credits: StudioPeace (not the actual photo)

    But one narcissistic mom tried to convince and pressure her daughter into paying for her plastic surgery

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    Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: shellygotsugar

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    Readers identified that OP’s mom’s behavior was very abnormal

    While we only have some descriptions of OP’s mother’s behavior, many signs point to her being a narcissist. From a refusal to grasp reality, to constant manipulation of those around her, this sort of behavior is sadly common. In some ways, it’s almost hard to blame the narcissist, as this mental condition can completely cloud their judgment.

    In some ways, OP’s mother might not even think she is doing anything wrong. The entitlement that comes with rampant narcissism can truly convince folks that they are simply in the right. To the despair of any who encounter them, these sorts of narcissists tend to make their delusions everyone else’s issue, as OP’s story clearly demonstrates.

    A common issue for the children of these kinds of parents is the inability to understand that their behavior is abnormal. After all, a child only knows what they have experienced. This is somewhat visible in OP’s story since her mother’s actions are truly bizarre, but she didn’t quite understand that until people pointed it out online.

    Image credits: Daria Obymaha (not the actual photo)

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    Growing up with a narcissistic parent has many side effects

    The good news is, should the child establish some distance and perspective, it often becomes clear that their parent is a narcissist. However, the nature of child-parent relationships often makes this difficult. After all, if you live in the same city, how exactly do you create real distance? The parent often knows this as well, so they will do their best to ensure proximity.

    The result, for the child, is a higher risk of depression, self-esteem issues, and, in this case, a financial burden. This is visible even in OP’s decision to ask the internet for a second opinion on an open-and-shut case. This is not to disparage her, as previously mentioned, these kinds of parents do their utmost to shame their kids into believing their delusions.

    This is particularly horrible, as the offspring of these sorts of people often struggle with a number of major issues. Because a narcissist tends to not be very giving with praise or attention, their kids tend to be overly attention-starved and clingy in future relationships. They also tend to undervalue themselves to an unhealthy degree. So hopefully, the comments on this post can be a wake-up call for OP.

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    OP shared some pertinent details later

    [Reactions]

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    Most readers thought she was not at all to blame

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Read less »
    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    What do you think ?
    Chrissie Anit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My goodness that was hard to read because she KNOWS that her mother is in the wrong, and that her siblings are addicted... but she STILL gives them money!! THat is something that I can't wrap my head around, but mental dependence is a b***h.

    Emie N.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If this story is true, then she's not very bright. She is in her 30's and flat out said she didn't realize her mother could be narcissistic after someone pointed it out and then basically said they're unsure what that means. 🤦‍♀️

    Load More Replies...
    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well that story ended on a low note 🫤. I guess admittance is the first step tho!

    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope the OP will continue therapy. She might look up "narcissist" and get a revelation there.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She'd be the AH 100% if she gives her ANY money. No, not $3k. Not even a cent. Her behavior is abhorrent and unworthy of your time and attention. Run, don't walk, away from that situation. I get you have you personal demons, but they will never get better until you get away. Worse, if you give me an inch, you'll make it even harder.

    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's been brainwashed and beaten down. She feels isolated where she is, and only feels like she has mom (probably conditioned). Poor lass has a way to go to build enough confidence to say no. She's on the precipice of change, recognizing the toxic, and knowing the therapist was right,but because she wasn't ready to give up on her mom yet she discontinued therapy. I just hope she can try again, a gentle gentle approach from a therapist could work better, certainly better than calling AH because she's still influenced by her conditioning and struggling to break free

    Load More Replies...
    Alex Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're going to suck that every bit of financial success out of that poor woman. She's a piggy bank to a bunch of narcissists and addicts. They don't care about her, they care about what she can do for them. I hope she can find the strength and wisdom to set and hold boundaries.

    Linda's friend Ginger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I miss my mom so much. She loved my hand made cards. I was always convinced that she threw them away but after she died, I found a box in her closet with all the cards I ever made her and on the back of each one it would say "Ginger: Age #" in her handwriting. I'm almost 40 now. The reason I bring this up is because I can't imagine a mom saying "Next time I get a card, it better have money in it." Why do moms like her get to stay in this world and my mom doesn't?

    Lupita Nyong'heaux
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i had the same thought. my mom was AMAZING, and she died way too soon. yet, this trash-a*s "mother" is still alive. how is that even fair?

    Load More Replies...
    Gavin Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I see posts like this I realise how much unconditional love my family have for each other. My parents gave my brother and I all the support we needed as children and now as adults. We support them now too and hopefully that’ll be the case for many years to come. My brother is relatively well off ‘cause he and his wife worked hard at Uni and then subsequently they’ve been successful in work, I wouldn’t dream of asking for money from them, they’ve earned it, it’s theirs! Our relationships and built on love and caring for each other, why would we base them on what we can get out of each other?

    ॐBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m sorry, but if you’re bitching about your family leaching off you in one sentence then mention you’re sucker & will keep paying them all to maintain relationships, you’re the f*****g problem & perpetuating the cycle of abuse. “AITA cos I don’t want to pay my mom 10k for plastic surgery? Oh, I’m not. Thanks! I’ll keep paying her whatever she demands anyways. And I’ll also establish new transactions with my 7 siblings!” Why the hell did she even pose the question to follow up by saying she’s learned her relationships with her fam are wholly transactional (she had enough critical, intellectual & emotional thinking to graduate college?) and she’s fully on board to participate! She’s actually gaslighting us, the readers, to validate her compulsion to perpetuate the transactional nature of her relationships. “I know what I’m doing is wrong & unhealthy. But as long as I don’t like doing what I’m gonna keep doing, you random people won’t think I’m the AH. That validates me!” 🤮🤮🤮

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As for the emotional aspect of this, OP should be concentrating on making friends—-good friends—-where she is, so she has someone besides her mother to talk to. She needs to save her money for her future, not waste it on her mother’s b******t—-will spending on mommy’s head to toe plastic surgery support OP in her retirement? F**k no, it won’t. Mommy made her bed, and now has to lie in it. She didn’t HAVE to have eight kids. If OP is thirty-ish, then mama has to be like fifty-something, younger than me, d that means she was of childbearing age and had all her babies AFTER Roe v Wade made abortion, CHOICE, available, so she can’t make that excuse. Hell, birth control was available long before that, so kills that excuse too. Wonder how ma y fathers those eight kids represent. No. Mama wants her plastic surgery so she can go out and trap a new man, maybe one with money this time. True to form. Definitely not worth allowing her to go on draining OP’s bank account.

    Pamela Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mother is definitely a narcissist. It's very sad that the OP is still stuck in the manipulations of her mother. She will never break free until she realizes that she's constantly poor because of her. The only way OP is going to get anywhere financially is to go NC with her entire family. OP also needs to stay in therapy and learn how to cope with life on her own. She sounds desperately like she needs someone in her life, a good friend she can rely on or someone similar. Her mother has obviously made her extremely insecure about her standing in life. OP actually recognizes her mother/family for what she is, yet accepts it and, just to be treated well by her, will continue to pay. OP needs therapy more than her mother does. She needs to understand that her mother doesn't love her - never has. Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. I really hope OP gets the help she needs and that she can begin functioning as a normal, emotionally stable person.

    Load More Comments
    Chrissie Anit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My goodness that was hard to read because she KNOWS that her mother is in the wrong, and that her siblings are addicted... but she STILL gives them money!! THat is something that I can't wrap my head around, but mental dependence is a b***h.

    Emie N.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If this story is true, then she's not very bright. She is in her 30's and flat out said she didn't realize her mother could be narcissistic after someone pointed it out and then basically said they're unsure what that means. 🤦‍♀️

    Load More Replies...
    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well that story ended on a low note 🫤. I guess admittance is the first step tho!

    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope the OP will continue therapy. She might look up "narcissist" and get a revelation there.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She'd be the AH 100% if she gives her ANY money. No, not $3k. Not even a cent. Her behavior is abhorrent and unworthy of your time and attention. Run, don't walk, away from that situation. I get you have you personal demons, but they will never get better until you get away. Worse, if you give me an inch, you'll make it even harder.

    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's been brainwashed and beaten down. She feels isolated where she is, and only feels like she has mom (probably conditioned). Poor lass has a way to go to build enough confidence to say no. She's on the precipice of change, recognizing the toxic, and knowing the therapist was right,but because she wasn't ready to give up on her mom yet she discontinued therapy. I just hope she can try again, a gentle gentle approach from a therapist could work better, certainly better than calling AH because she's still influenced by her conditioning and struggling to break free

    Load More Replies...
    Alex Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're going to suck that every bit of financial success out of that poor woman. She's a piggy bank to a bunch of narcissists and addicts. They don't care about her, they care about what she can do for them. I hope she can find the strength and wisdom to set and hold boundaries.

    Linda's friend Ginger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I miss my mom so much. She loved my hand made cards. I was always convinced that she threw them away but after she died, I found a box in her closet with all the cards I ever made her and on the back of each one it would say "Ginger: Age #" in her handwriting. I'm almost 40 now. The reason I bring this up is because I can't imagine a mom saying "Next time I get a card, it better have money in it." Why do moms like her get to stay in this world and my mom doesn't?

    Lupita Nyong'heaux
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i had the same thought. my mom was AMAZING, and she died way too soon. yet, this trash-a*s "mother" is still alive. how is that even fair?

    Load More Replies...
    Gavin Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I see posts like this I realise how much unconditional love my family have for each other. My parents gave my brother and I all the support we needed as children and now as adults. We support them now too and hopefully that’ll be the case for many years to come. My brother is relatively well off ‘cause he and his wife worked hard at Uni and then subsequently they’ve been successful in work, I wouldn’t dream of asking for money from them, they’ve earned it, it’s theirs! Our relationships and built on love and caring for each other, why would we base them on what we can get out of each other?

    ॐBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m sorry, but if you’re bitching about your family leaching off you in one sentence then mention you’re sucker & will keep paying them all to maintain relationships, you’re the f*****g problem & perpetuating the cycle of abuse. “AITA cos I don’t want to pay my mom 10k for plastic surgery? Oh, I’m not. Thanks! I’ll keep paying her whatever she demands anyways. And I’ll also establish new transactions with my 7 siblings!” Why the hell did she even pose the question to follow up by saying she’s learned her relationships with her fam are wholly transactional (she had enough critical, intellectual & emotional thinking to graduate college?) and she’s fully on board to participate! She’s actually gaslighting us, the readers, to validate her compulsion to perpetuate the transactional nature of her relationships. “I know what I’m doing is wrong & unhealthy. But as long as I don’t like doing what I’m gonna keep doing, you random people won’t think I’m the AH. That validates me!” 🤮🤮🤮

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As for the emotional aspect of this, OP should be concentrating on making friends—-good friends—-where she is, so she has someone besides her mother to talk to. She needs to save her money for her future, not waste it on her mother’s b******t—-will spending on mommy’s head to toe plastic surgery support OP in her retirement? F**k no, it won’t. Mommy made her bed, and now has to lie in it. She didn’t HAVE to have eight kids. If OP is thirty-ish, then mama has to be like fifty-something, younger than me, d that means she was of childbearing age and had all her babies AFTER Roe v Wade made abortion, CHOICE, available, so she can’t make that excuse. Hell, birth control was available long before that, so kills that excuse too. Wonder how ma y fathers those eight kids represent. No. Mama wants her plastic surgery so she can go out and trap a new man, maybe one with money this time. True to form. Definitely not worth allowing her to go on draining OP’s bank account.

    Pamela Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mother is definitely a narcissist. It's very sad that the OP is still stuck in the manipulations of her mother. She will never break free until she realizes that she's constantly poor because of her. The only way OP is going to get anywhere financially is to go NC with her entire family. OP also needs to stay in therapy and learn how to cope with life on her own. She sounds desperately like she needs someone in her life, a good friend she can rely on or someone similar. Her mother has obviously made her extremely insecure about her standing in life. OP actually recognizes her mother/family for what she is, yet accepts it and, just to be treated well by her, will continue to pay. OP needs therapy more than her mother does. She needs to understand that her mother doesn't love her - never has. Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. I really hope OP gets the help she needs and that she can begin functioning as a normal, emotionally stable person.

    Load More Comments
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