dang, thats gotta sting

Every freaking day

I still have college dreams where I can't find my final's class.And , then ,I remember that I'd already graduated fifty years ago! But at least I always have my clothes on.

As an introvert this hurts because it’s true

For me it's rather "When you start treating everyone the same way you treat yourself...." (I should probably add this: I wouldn't treat anyone else that way.)

AHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA

Yup. And then you are out of friends. Welcome to our world. We regret nothing, though (my wife and I).

This is what I'm dealing with with one of the kids I look after. He goes by this and then wonders why both he and the other party are in trouble (actually he often claims the others aren't in trouble when they are). Then it becomes tit for tat and they both take offence and won't leave each other alone. The whole time I'm trying to remind him that he wouldn't be in trouble if he came to me as soon as the other child offended him.

This. "Why are you so hostile when you talk to me?" Maybe it's because you're always such a pri¢k whenever you come to my machine you dingle berry.

That´s right.

That´s my face and also my cat´s face.

I like what they did in The Good Place where they gave an option to kill yourself once you decided you had nothing to do in heaven anymore.

Don't forget all of the overthinking about potential scenarios that probably will never happen but they still *might*

Sleep is supposed to make you not tired, right? To make you not want to sleep, right? SO WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I WAKE UP I AM TIRED AND WANT TO SLEEP?

Shrek.

I want a tat like that

"Not yet, but we keep *trying* to get someone to take you off our hands."

And even my nose is running

upvote for Loki

Yeah, you've hit the nail on the head with this one...

Its a 50/50 chance I'll break my neck but I'll risk it

When you're sleeping peacefully and remember that one awkward moment from 4th grade that never fails to make you cringe...

I'm focusing too hard on saying "What" after they finish to listen to what they actually say.

How'd someone get this picture of me?

thats how introverts talk

Whenever a server brings me food and says "enjoy your meal" I always have to catch myself so that I don't say "you too"

I am all too familiar with that procrastination face…

[Will Poulter meme] You guys have people who just say "Hey" to you?

I recently broke this habit if they dont care about me i wont break myself anymore for them they can eat sh1t

" Funny, but Jim never asks for a second cup of coffee."

Just don't order a Depresso then?

Be silent, and be thought a fool: or speak out, and remove all possible doubt

Yup. Years and years of being good to people... and being slapped in the face for it - then suddenly someone's nice - I don't know what to do.

Oh.. .SO many things could have been avoided if I'd just been an a$$h**e. I actually would likely have enough money to soothe the guilt of being one too. Yeah, this being considerate, compassionate, giving thing, has really only garnered a whole lot of abuse for me. Sadly.

Thank god I'm not

Very similar to "when I was your age, I had brought my own house" ...

All the time!

Someone doesn't mean anyone

100% my favorite part of a drumstick!

I guess that's another way to burn up.

Like Hapsburg royalty?

"Dad, you really gotta dial those BBQ baked beans back a little bit."

Been There......

Act casual, take credit

Touché

This is particularly worrisome to me in a porta or pit toilet….

Ngl this is so real 💀

You got two hours of sleep?!

*cries while reading book

Mine would be worse, this is mine on the weekends

...that you somehow feel is a valid argument

I feel seen.

THE STICK HAS FEELINGS AND A FAMILY! YOU CAN'T JUST THROW IT IN THE FIRE!