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Every workplace has its own special language—a collection of phrases that somehow migrate from boardroom to breakroom until they're inescapable. These corporate catchphrases start innocently enough, often in management meetings or training sessions, before spreading through offices like a linguistic virus. Suddenly everyone is "circling back" and "touching base" while promising to give "110 percent."
The initial meaning gets lost as these expressions become verbal fillers that somehow make simple ideas sound important. From the passive-aggressive "per my last email" to the eternally vague "let's parking lot that idea," these office expressions manage to simultaneously communicate very little while irritating almost everyone. This collection captures thirty of the most eye-roll-inducing phrases that continue to echo through cubicles and Zoom calls, proving that no matter how much the workplace changes, questionable corporate speak remains eternal.
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#1
"Teamwork makes the dream work!"
LizzieBoredom 1 week ago (edited)
My dream usually involves chocolate eclairs, and a midget named Stanley.
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#2
My current favorite word is "escalation". As in "are you going to get that done by our commit date or do we need to escalate?" It's corporate-speak for "I'm gonna tell my mommy."
Ripley 1 week ago
I'd like to know what OP would suggest instead. I work in a very deadline-driven function. If the work isn't submitted by the due date and time, you can be locked out of a contract for years, potentially costing millions. If someone is consistently missing deadlines, or leaving everything to the last minute, it puts pressure on the rest of the team, and can be really detrimental to the team morale and/or mental health. "I'm telling (your) mum" is often the only thing that's going to work. Obviously it's not the first recourse, but it sure as hell should be the last.
#3
When someone asks if I'm still "living the dream", I quickly respond with, "nightmares count, right?"
#4
"Not good with computers" that's when you need to pipe up and say "I'm sorry to hear that, would you like me to organise some additional training with HR for you?"
Lost Panda 1 week ago (edited)
I refuse this excuse. There is no reason for anyone to not be good with computers in a corporate environment any more, considering that most have been using computers and the such since at least the 90s. At this point, it is not that you are not good with them, you refuse to adapt. *Edit: This is not to say I expect you to be a pro, but the basic knowledge of how to do the basic tasks related to your job are indeed expected.*
#5
"On a go forward basis..."
Why can't you just say, "In the future..."?
#6
"idk just make it really creative and make it pop". gotta love being the only graphic designer.
#8
"You should want to take on more responsibility to help out your work family. I understand that there's only two of you doing three people's worth of work, but we're a family and family helps each other out."
Not for 11 months family doesn't. Especially when there's not a raise involved.
StrangeOne 1 week ago
Just the "work family" being mentioned makes me want to throw down my vest and leave. We're a team of employees. Not family. Almost every meeting we've been having my manager loves to emphasize how we "spend more time with each other than our own families at home".
#9
"Awesome sauce".. I hope that I am the only one who has to deal with this.
#10
"You look tired."
StrangeOne 1 week ago
Should never be mentioned by anyone. It's always women to women, too. Especially if you don't wear make up.
#12
Whenever someone gets the weekend off everyone tells them "Must be Nice!"
#13
"Support the needs of the business". Read as: "stay as late as we need you and forget about your life outside these walls."
#14
"At the end of the day..."
"It is what it is"
"Let's not try and reinvent the wheel"
"Minimum viable product"
"Can you do me a favor?" - It's not a favor if you're my boss and I don't get a favor in return
#15
"Would you mind doing . . . ?" Because you know that I don't have the option to say no.
#17
I have one co-worker who without fail every single time I see him says "Having fun yet?" even if it's only been about 10 minute since I saw him last
#20
"One of the many 'hats' that I wear..."
#22
"Happy Pre-Friday". Said today, just like every other Thursday.
#23
When someone walks in the office and says something along the lines of, "Look at all you hackers."
Haaa so funny. Very original. That's the first time someones made that joke!
#26
"Thinking about how you shoulda stayed in school?" From the boss every time I do any menial task
#29
When I put a $10 bill in the change machine and the quarters come tumbling out slot-machine style, invariably some d*****s says "You hit the jackpot?"
Marnie 1 week ago
I can see how it would be annoying. My Mom absolutely LOVED repeating jokes like this. We'd struggle to get past each other in a doorway and she'd say, "Shall we dance?" and just giggle and grin every time. It was so cute that I have a hard time being annoyed by repeated jokes.
#30
Once had a boss that would say "horse and pony show" (instead of dog and pony show).
eye twitching
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What do you think ?
Multa Nocte 1 week ago
Here's to Auntriarch whose last day at work is tomorrow - cheers! 🥂 💐 🎊
Multa Nocte 1 week ago
Here's to Auntriarch whose last day at work is tomorrow - cheers! 🥂 💐 🎊
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