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118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes

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In the world of funny jokes, there’s one category that’s way funnier and way cuter than the rest. Have any guesses? Well, of course, it’s a sure shot as we can all agree that those jokes definitely, absolutely, obviously are animal jokes. Same as the animals themselves - curious, hilarious, and adorable - these cool jokes will most likely make you go ‘awww’ and ‘hee haw’ at the very same time. Dare to disagree? Then check out our collection of the very best animal jokes without succumbing to the charms of the fauna and without losing your socks writhing in joy. If you do succeed in avoiding these expressive matters, though, then we congratulate you on being the most imperturbable person on the face of the Earth.

Anyhoo, why don’t we talk about the cuteness of these awesome jokes and the animals themselves a bit more? Talking about round, fluffy, squishy, and peculiar beings is, after all, one of our favorite things to do! So, no need for high-stakes betting on the topics discussed in these hilarious jokes, for there will definitely be sharp-clawed kittens, snotty-nosed puppies, beady-eyed field mice, smooth-skinned piglets, and sharp-toothed crocodiles who promise to see you after a while. And if these animals are too regular for your taste, then how about some adorable jokes on aye-ayes, pink fairy armadillos, and ocelots? We sure do have some of those, too!

But, before we get a prominent toothache from listing the sweetness you are about to witness with your eyes and your heart, why don’t we go to the actual animal jokes just a bit further down? Once you are there, give your generous vote for the funniest (or the most charming) of them all, so they will proudly take their spot at the top of this list. Once this step is fulfilled, share these clever jokes with your friends. That is, if you wish to see them turning into mush from this cotton candy sweetness of animal jokes.

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#1

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes "My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer." - Matt Fernandez

62points

Catarina 2 years ago

🤣🤣

6points

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#2

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!” “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”

54points

Nancy Lynch 2 years ago

Why bring keys when he can ring the doorbell.

4points

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#3

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

51points

MarmotArchivist 2 years ago

Mew, Mewtwo, Mewthree...

12points

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#4

A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend’s having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist,” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

47points

Catarina 2 years ago

This One should be higher up 🤣🤣👌

6points

#5

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

46points

Nancy Lynch 2 years ago (edited)

Good luck getting cats to pull anything together!

6points

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#6

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

45points

Stewart Ritchey 2 years ago

Why do those birds in the water stand on one leg? If they pulled up the other one they'd fall over, silly!

1point

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#7

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes "A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you." - Jay Leno

45points

Pilar 2 years ago

I can't say that a didn't see that one coming... Infallible!

3points

#8

"After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.” - Norie Bloom

44points

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#9

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

44points

Tobiasz Blaszczynski 2 years ago

Mmmm

2points

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#10

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An Investigator!

34points

Jess 2 years ago

He's invested in the situation!

1point

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#11

"We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet." - Rita Rudner

34points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

She's great!

6points

#12

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and rollover. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

33points

Okatango 2 years ago

Sounds like the dog would be more comfortable than any human passenger :)

8points

#13

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

32points

Pilar 2 years ago

What I want to know is how the giraffe was able to fit through the door...

2points

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#14

"I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him." - Reid Faylor

27points

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#15

What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?

Wheeeeeeeee.

26points

#16

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What do you call a dog magician?

A Labracadabrador!

25points

Panda poster 2 years ago

Lel

0points

#17

On a Facebook page for beginning artists, one asked, “Any suggestions for painting dogs?” Another responded, “Wait till they’re asleep.”

24points

Danish Susanne 1 year ago

This reminds me of a cat we had, that I only have photos of when asleep. If she didn't sleep she came running and stuck her nose onto the lens, which does not give good portraits

0points

#18

What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck?

Firequackers!

24points

#19

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Snake 1: Are we poisonous?

Snake 2: I don't know. Why?

Snake 1: I just bit my lip.

23points

BatPhace 2 years ago

The standard misconception, if the thing bites you, and you die, it's venomous. If you bite it, and you die, its poisonous lol. Classic joke though

4points

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#20

"Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, "Snake! Run!" His companion laughs at him. "Oh, relax. It’s only a baby," he says. "Don’t you hear the rattle?" - Steve Smith

22points

Panda poster 2 years ago (edited)

Lllllk kg do is so ur do if do us do is to E Eli woo woo So so EDIT: I was sp

-3points

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#21

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.

22points

#22

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

21points

Bobbie Meyers 2 years ago

There are penguins that live in the desert.

5points

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#23

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

21points

#24

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

21points

#25

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best.

20points

Stewart Ritchey 2 years ago

Explanation?

0points

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#26

How are a cat and a sentence different?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has a pause at the end of its clause!

19points

GSMountainWolf 2 years ago

Augh I was gonna share this one

2points

#27

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie-talkie!

19points

#28

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.

19points

Withered Warrior 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#29

Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot around the world.

19points

GSMountainWolf 2 years ago

Wow, I got mixed up there for a second

2points

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#30

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

19points

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#31

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

19points

#32

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

Ouch.

19points

#33

A rancher was persuaded to cross-breed his cattle with hyenas. It was a disaster. The offspring were the laughing stock of the community!

18points

#34

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course. Buildings can’t jump.

18points

#35

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

An eggroll!

18points

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#36

"It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t interbreed. Nobody wants a loyal snake." - Roy Blount

17points

Geeki Nikki 2 years ago

I want a loyal attack snake.

12points

#37

An elephant drinking from a stream spots a tortoise lounging on the shore. He grabs it with his trunk and flings it into the jungle. A passing zebra asks, "Why did you do that?" ...... "Forty years ago that very tortoise nipped my tail just for fun," the elephant said. "Wow, forty years ago! How did you remember that?" "Well I have turtle recall," replied the elephant.

17points

Withered Warrior 2 years ago

What's turtle recall?

-2points

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#38

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

"Dam!"

17points

#39

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "You read my mind, buddy."

17points

Pomeranian_Oden 2 years ago

or...Why the long face?

0points

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#40

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What's the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?

Pay him!

16points

#41

Why are cats so good at video games?

Because they have nine lives.

16points

#42

Why did the pig have ink all over its face?

Because it came out of the pen.

15points

Nicky 2 years ago

Why was the pig on probation? (Because it just came out of the pen.) (I just made that one up.)

1point

#43

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do birds fly south in the Fall?

Because it’s too far to walk.

15points

#44

I lost my dog today, So put an ad in the paper. Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read!

15points

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#45

Wandering inside a pet store, I stopped in front of a birdcage to admire a parakeet. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?” - Shirley Brown

14points

#46

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What kind of jungle cat is no fun to play games with?

A cheetah.

14points

B S 2 years ago

sigh, i know the joke wouldn't work w the felines that ARE found in jungles but cheetahs are savanna dwelling. NEXT

1point

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#47

What do you get when you cross a snake with a tasty dessert?

A pie-thon!

13points

#48

They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat — but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want.

13points

#49

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes This report from an agent landed on my desk in the auto claims division of our insurance company: "Driver encountered a large deer that jumped out from the woods to challenge his vehicle. The deer attacked his vehicle without having any insurance."

13points

Lorna Anne Skinner Emmons 2 years ago

I had that happen to me. The deer was a hit and run deer. I had the deer hair to prove it but they haven't located it yet. I got a new car door and front bumper. It bounded into the driver's side door. Jumped the vehicle and took off

0points

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#50

What day do chickens fear the most?

Fry-days.

13points

#51

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?

Shear madness.

13points

#52

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do cows never have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

12points

#53

What type of market should you never take your dog to?

A flea market!

12points

#54

What did the sleepy Australian bear say at the job interview?

"I believe I am koala-fied for this position."

12points

#55

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?

Plenty of milk!

11points

Lorna Anne Skinner Emmons 2 years ago

A lot of fertilizer too

3points

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#56

Why is a bee's hair always sticky?

Because it uses a honey comb!

11points

#57

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

11points

Nicky 2 years ago

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a bar, and the rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."

0points

#58

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Cow's don't "who" they "MOO."

11points

Yuffa Kinazzo 2 years ago

Knock knock. Who's there?. Gope. Gope who? Hahaha.... 😄

4points

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#59

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What was the goal of the detective duck?

To quack the case, of course.

11points

#60

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

11points

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#61

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes A pony went to see the doctor because it couldn't speak. "I know what's wrong," said the doctor. "You're a little horse!"

11points

#62

What is the best way to cook a gator?

In a crock-pot.

10points

Spittnimage 2 years ago

Crocodile would've worked better than gator.

0points

#63

What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

Swimming trunks!

10points

#64

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What did the leopard say after finishing a delicious meal?

"That hit the spot!"

10points

#65

Pollen and allergies got the best of Liam, my 9-year-old son, so he stayed home from school with his grandma. When I got home from work, he said he had brushed our dog, Abby. Knowing that I kept the dog’s brush up out of reach so she couldn’t chew on it, I asked, “How did you know where I keep Abby’s brush?” He gave me a puzzled look and said matter-of-factly, “I didn’t. I used your brush.”

10points

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#66

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

10points

#67

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself.

10points

#68

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Kanga.

Kanga who?

No, Kanga-roo!

10points

#69

A college girl was visiting my farm and noticed the ring in our bull's nose. Intrigued, she asked, "Did you put that ring in his nose or was he born that way?"

9points

Penny Harrison 2 years ago

OR, did he run down to the mall with his bros.

3points

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#70

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes How much money does a skunk have?

One scent!

9points

Xavier Ze Pereira 2 years ago

skunks actually dont smell bad normally only when hey spray

-3points

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#71

What kind of math do owls like?

Owlgebra.

9points

#72

Why are fish so good at watching their weight?

Because they have lots of scales!

9points

#73

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why shouldn't you play basketball with a pig?

Because it'll hog the ball!

9points

#74

So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned dial-a-llama.

9points

#75

Max the little camel walks into his parents' room at 3 a.m. and asks for a glass of water. "Another one?" says his father. "That's the second glass this month."

9points

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#76

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?

“Why the long face?”

9points

#77

What do fish do at football games?

They wave.

9points

#78

What do cats have for breakfast?

Mice Crispies!

9points

#79

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant?

A gi-ant!

9points

Metallicd3ath 2 years ago

I think if you use the technical definition of giant, that's not even true, you'd have to use the fantasy definition.

-3points

#80

What's the smartest animal?

A fish because they stay in schools!

8points

Yuffa Kinazzo 2 years ago

Tuna. Because they're always in schools, and usually make on a roll.

1point

#81

Why did the whale cross the street?

To get to the other tide.

8points

David Henry 2 years ago

Also applies for Mike Tyson crossing the road.

3points

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#82

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why didn’t the elephant get the job he wanted?

His qualifications were completely irrelephant.

8points

#83

What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?

Can you please be more Pacific?

8points

Nicky 2 years ago

What did the dolphin say about her brother? He hit me on porpoise!

0points

#84

Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras!

8points

#85

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they can't remember the words.

8points

#86

What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

I don’t know, but you can step in a poodle.

8points

#87

Why are dogs like phones?

Because they have collar IDs.

8points

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#88

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes How do horses stay in such great shape?

They keep a stable diet.

8points

#89

Why can’t a leopard hide?

Because he’s always spotted.

8points

#90

Where do fish sleep?

On a water bed.

8points

#91

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do cows like being told jokes?

Because they like being a-moosed!

8points

#92

What do ducks watch on TV?

Duck-umentaries!

8points

#93

What kind of snake would you find on a car?

A windshield viper!

8points

Nicky 2 years ago

Dracula loved this joke.

0points

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#94

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes What do you get when two giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam

7points

#95

What happened when the frog's car broke down on the side of the road?

It gets toad away.

7points

#96

Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?

She got too jumpy!

7points

#97

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why did the baby elephant need a new suitcase for her vacation?

She only had a little trunk.

7points

#98

Hippo 1: You look like you’re gaining weight.

Hippo 2: That’s very hippo-critical of you.

7points

#99

How long do chickens work?

Around the cluck!

7points

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#100

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Where do shellfish go to borrow money?

The prawn broker.

7points

#101

What is black, white, and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin!

7points

John Lattanzio 2 years ago

Not a newspaper? Read instead of red tho

-3points

#102

What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?

You’re purrr-fect for me.

7points

#103

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"

7points

Nicky 2 years ago

This is a great joke.

0points

#104

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

He was trying to make both ends meet.

7points

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#105

What’s black and white and blue?

A depressed zebra.

7points

#106

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes There were 10 cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many are left?

None, because they were copycats.

7points

#107

Why are tigers, terrible storytellers?

Because they only have one tail.

7points

#108

Where are fish in orbit?

In trout-er space.

6points

#109

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals!

6points

#110

“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” - Alex Baze

6points

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#111

What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?

Chocolate mouse.

6points

#112

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they play in black-and-white.

6points

#113

What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?

Big ones!

6points

#114

What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?

A rocker spaniel!

6points

#115

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Why are elephants never rich?

Because they work for peanuts!

6points

#116

Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A Chi-ha-ha!

3points

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#117

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

3points

#118

118 Wildly Amazing Animal Jokes Yeah, I’d probably freak out too if a raven flew into my house.

2points

Nicky 2 years ago

I don't understand this joke. Explain?

0points

Aivaras Kaziukonis

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

What do you think ?

Kay blue 2 years ago

I think a few people missed the word "joke" in the title, judging by some of the comments.

0points

Metallicd3ath 2 years ago (edited)

Oldest joke I remember seeing was in a joke book about 10+ years back: "What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?" "I don't know." "Well, remind me to never have you fetch my mail."

0points

Kay blue 2 years ago

I think a few people missed the word "joke" in the title, judging by some of the comments.

0points

Metallicd3ath 2 years ago (edited)

Oldest joke I remember seeing was in a joke book about 10+ years back: "What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?" "I don't know." "Well, remind me to never have you fetch my mail."

0points

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