Oh I love this.

Best dad joke ever

It's gotta be with 2 g's ie, skin dogg.

You are required to have a license to drive a car, having kids?................zip, zero, none, nada required.

A fitting end

I like this one

I got Homo Deus ( sequel to Sapiens) for Christmas and the introductory chapters were talking about how humanity has solved its 3 main challenges, war, famine and disease, and how any outbreak of those would be because of human incompetence. I was thinking about Covid in the disease chapter, as the book was written 2016

An opportunity has been missed.

IMO HenpeckedHal has the best tweets in the parenting/family category, if you aren't on ElonX, you can follow the account on the zuckphotoapp

As a kid, the garden hose was my hydration source.

I regularly refer to Home Depot as the toy store, so yes, lets go.

Lucky you!

Way to cover up the punchline with the report button, BP. UPDATE: They fixed it

We also call something in perfect condition "mint condition" for a reason. lmao (yes, I know it actually means it come straight from a mint... relax.)

Says the country that calls crisps 'Chips' and calls chips 'Fries' !

Looking at you Nick.

Yikes!

That is an expression that I have never heard before… but I love it

i'll be seeing this in my nightmares tonight

"No Toads were harmed in the making of this"

My dad will always get like one gift and my step mom will get all the others. But the gift my dad will get will be like a million dollars so that new doll or makeup bag mom bought you? Useless. Those new Jordan's though? Best gift ever

As long as he looks like Jason Mamoa.

Oh no! There is one spot on the Massachusetts Turnpike, just after Springfield, where it is an hour between the two exits. 2 hours more driving if you miss the exit. I distinctly remember seeing a street name on the overpass and asking myself why I was seeing it when I had to get off that exit. Only made that mistake twice. Yup. I didn’t learn my lesson the first time.

I'm not the one with a stove that could blow you up or poison you in your sleep.

Dr. Ender. Checks out.

LOLOLOLOLOL cen$ors missed $omething :D

For the last 3 Christmases multiple people in my house have been sick from norovirus for the entire Christmas week. Every year we have to stay home all week and see no one

That baby was cute, though. With the big eyes and everything.

I see Pedro Pascal, I upvote.

GD! Billy D. Williams is hot! Also, talented.

Potter…

Aw. RIP Andre Braugher.

That Mitchell and Webb Look is hilarious.

This meme should really have a pic of John Hurt at dinner in Alien.

My mom says it's a scam, but you do you boo

Or husband.

Please may I can - My nephew, 2 years old.

is this normal?

And the next search is 'how to hide a body'

Didn't expect to see a meme of Robert Saleh on here

For what "Disney" charges for tickets I would be infuriated to see a broken sign during my "Magical Vacation"... but that's me.

Oh I don't know. A golden retriever would make a great representative.

Still a great game. I play with my dad and uncle on holidays when I get to go visit them.

Please don't jinx me like this!!

But I do...

Now for wrath, now for ruin, and for the love of god at least stay in bed til the red dawn! Forth Eorlingas - uh I mean bedtime!!!

Giggity Giggity !

If you're a man, the correct nomenclature is trophy husband!