Insults are, to put it simply, a way to offend and be rude to people. This is often done in the hopes of belittling, offending or humiliating folks who may or may not deserve it.

The deeper reasons as to why people do that can vary wildly and are complex in their nature. But to keep with the simplicity of this explanation, it can come from a place of anger, pain, trauma, guilt, bigotry, lack of self-esteem, patience, or just plain old not knowing any better.

However, insults can also be a form of bonding among friends. Dr. Jeffrey Rubin, psychologist, author, and the man behind the From Insult To Respect blog, discussed this in a post of his. Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Rubin for an interview.

To put it simply, insults can be fun, and fun means laughter, and laughter means a pleasant experience. If anything, insults among friends can be a way of telling them you like them “without being mawkish about it.” 

We asked Dr. Rubin if this idea of insults among friends as a way of bonding can extend to countries and continents.

“I think so. Although, it’s useful to keep in mind that the very joke that will delight some will deeply offend others. Unless the humorist is willing to deal with the blowback, such humor might be wisely avoided.”

“There are types of humor to be avoided in either case. Jokes directed at the people of another country that can’t change, such as some facial characteristic or color of their skin, or some historical event that has long passed serves nothing positive. Much better are quips about some behavior that has the potential to be improved, so it spurs some thoughtful consideration. The safest humor, in my opinion, is directed to something that occurs in one’s own country as well as the other country or countries so, in this way, a shared bond is created.”

While it can be a case of superiority, bigotry, comebacks, and the like when it comes to international relations, there’s also this thing called friendly rivalry. Friendly rivalries are competitions between parties at odds with each other over certain issues, but they do so in a civil and sometimes humorous manner.

A good example of friendly rivalry can be seen among universities. They often keep up friendly rivalries amongst each other as this sort of civil competition pushes these institutions to bring to the forefront their very best, knowing well enough that if it is lacking, it will be pushed to second place.

Another example is friendly rivalries among military units. These also have the potential for encouraging internal cohesion through sports competitions, with some members excelling more productively as a result.

Now, it is important to note that constructive humor has to be done right. Hence, insults have to be well thought out to be able to achieve the aim of positive change.

“Great humor is designed to spur some thoughtful consideration about something that can potentially be changed,” explains Dr. Rubin. “Focus on a topic about something you believe needs changing and make that the target of your humor.”

Another form of insulting that can possibly be justified is found in dealing with difficult people. It is a knee-jerk reaction to being bad-mouthed that actually starts adding nuance to insults.

You see, this situation is no longer necessarily coming from a place of pain or anger. Instead, it’s fighting fire with fire because it’s a form of self-defense. Either that, or the one throwing insults stepped out of line and you simply asked them to get back behind it. And that can be justified.

If anything, creative insults can very effectively derail and thus defuse an argument. How? Because we tend to laugh at unexpected things.

So, if you’re creative enough, you might just make your insulter laugh so much, they might just end up embarrassed and storm out or they might also accept defeat and apologize. And if you can hug it out in the end, hey, that’s all that matters.

Another thing to keep in mind with insults is that they change with time. What was once a joke that could pass as appropriate might no longer be available for whipping out in casual conversation. And vice versa.

“In many places in the U.S., jokes about gay people and cross-dressers are still regularly heard, but they have lost much of the meanness that was typical in earlier times,” elaborates Dr. Rubin. “I think that recent literature and films that depict these people in a much more sympathetic manner than the past is largely the reason for this.”

Whatever the case, if you need more input on your comedic repertoire, this Bored Panda list about hilarious comebacks might just hit the spot.

Be sure to also check out Dr. Rubin’s work on From Insults To Respect as well as his “Cool Steve” trilogy of novels and a free ebook on dealing with criticism.

Or, if you’re already gifted at roasting people like they’re a rotisserie chicken, then why not share your know-how and jokes in the comment section below!