Pain between once-married exes can run deep, especially if infidelity ended things. While exes may keep up appearances for the sake of their kids, sometimes there’s still plenty of animosity lurking below the surface, waiting to pop up at the right time.

This was the case for a woman who recently turned to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk for refusing to waive her alimony payments so that her ex-husband can afford his cancer treatments while still leading a lavish lifestyle.          

More info: Reddit

Husband and wife with three kids got divorced over husband’s infidelity with escort 20 years younger than wife

Image credits: @invadingkingdom (not the actual photo)

For the sake of healthy co-parenting, the exes put on the appearance of getting along for years

Image credits: Mathieu Stern (not the actual photo)

As part of their prenup, the ex-couple had agreed the wife would be paid alimony for being a stay-at-home mom for their entire marriage

Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)

The lush-living ex-husband got cancer and asked his ex-wife to waive her alimony payments so he could afford treatment

Image credits: u/ThrowRATwist8921

The ex-wife refused, saying instead that the ex-husband could downgrade his quality of life, which includes a multimillion-dollar mansion

OP’s story begins with her telling the community that she and her husband got divorced after he cheated on her with an escort twenty years younger than her. The husband then went on to marry his affair partner. 

The ex-couple remained friendly for the sake of their three daughters, and, according to the prenup, the ex-husband agreed to pay alimony. Fast forward to today, and the ex-husband has early-stage thyroid cancer. 

The man reached out to OP to ask her to waive her alimony payments so that he could afford his cancer treatments. This despite him living a lavish lifestyle, complete with a multimillion-dollar mansion and a wife he spends thousands on.

OP refused, but the married couple kept pestering her about it, even getting the three daughters involved in an attempt at emotional blackmail. OP said they could always downgrade their decadent lifestyle.

The ex-husband has since called her coldhearted and said that he would help OP out if the roles were reversed. OP concluded her story by adding that the man’s cancer is very treatable and not life-threatening at all.

OP’s husband sounds like a piece of work who might stop the alimony payments to dig himself out of the financial hole he’s got himself into. As such, it may be important for OP to brush up on the facts of their original divorce agreement, just to avoid any unfortunate surprises.

In his article for Marriage.com, author Noah Williams writes that determining if an alimony order is enforceable starts with reviewing the original divorce decree or alimony agreement.

This legal document outlines the conditions, duration, and amount of alimony, providing clear guidelines on its enforcement. If an ex-husband stops alimony payments, it’s crucial to check if the order specifies actions for non-compliance.

An enforceable order will have legal weight, allowing courts to take action, such as wage garnishment or financial penalties, against an ex-husband who stops alimony payments. 

Consulting with a legal expert can help clarify the enforceability of an alimony order and guide someone like OP through the process of ensuring compliance.

Image credits: Hillshire Farm (not the actual photo)

Williams adds that ex-spouses, often ex-husbands, may stop paying alimony for several reasons. Financial difficulties are a primary cause, where an ex-husband stops alimony payments due to job loss, reduced income, or overwhelming debts.

When an ex-husband stops alimony payments, it’s natural to seek reasons for this sudden cessation. A straightforward approach is to directly communicate with the ex-spouse, as this can provide immediate clarity on why the alimony cessation by the ex-husband has occurred. 

It’s possible that financial difficulties, misunderstandings about the agreement’s terms, or a belief in changed circumstances could be the cause. If direct communication doesn’t reveal the reason or your ex-spouse ceases alimony without explanation, Williams suggests consulting with a legal professional for help.

When an ex-husband stops alimony payments, documenting missed payments becomes essential. Williams suggests starting by maintaining a detailed record of each payment’s due date and the actual payment date, if applicable, using a spreadsheet or dedicated financial tracking app for accuracy and ease.

For any communication with the ex-husband about missed payments, keep emails, text messages, or any written correspondence as proof of attempts to resolve the issue. 

These documents should clearly show each instance when the ex-husband stops alimony payments, creating a comprehensive paper trail. 

This documentation will be invaluable if legal action becomes necessary to enforce the alimony agreement.

What do you think of the situation OP finds herself in? Do you think she should waive her alimony payments, or let her ex-husband know he should rein in his and his new wife’s extravagant lifestyle? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

The Reddit community responded with a resounding NTA and said the ex-husband’s wife should get a job and stop living beyond her means, among other things

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