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Hey Pandas, AITA For Thinking My Mom Reported My SIL To CPS Behind Our Backs?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
A bit of background: A few months ago, my brother was experiencing serious mental health issues and problems with substance abuse. During one of his stays in the hospital, my sister-in-law (SIL) was struggling to manage their three children on her own. One night, while dealing with the usual routine of making dinner and getting the kids ready for bed, the eldest child had an outburst. In frustration, my SIL accidentally pushed the child, who then fell to the ground and injured their wrist. The next day, my SIL took the child for an X-ray, which revealed a minor fracture.
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At that time, my brother wasn’t thinking clearly and relayed the story to our mother, who immediately assumed it was a case of abuse
Image credits: Manny Becerra (not the actual photo)
It’s worth mentioning that my mother doesn’t particularly like my SIL and takes every opportunity to badmouth her. She also believes it’s entirely my SIL’s fault that my brother was experiencing mental health issues in the first place.
Fast forward to now: My brother has gotten sober and sought the professional help he needed. I’m so proud of how far he’s come
Image credits: The Unmistakables (not the actual photo)
Today, my SIL told me that she recently received a call regarding a report of concern for the welfare of her child, specifically about the wrist injury
Image credits: Paul Hanaoka (not the actual photo)
A “concerned” family member made this report. My husband and I are absolutely horrified that someone, especially a family member, would make such an accusation during such a rough and low period in their lives. My SIL suspects that either my sister or mother made the call. I personally believe it was my mother.
My question is, AITAH for wanting to know who made this call to CPS, or should I leave it to my brother to confront the person who did this and ask why?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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Min 3 months ago
She got frustrated and broke her child's wrist. That is abuse. Very few child abusers actually set out to do so. As Libstak wrote, abuse is often caused by frustration.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
As a child who was frequently shoved, pushed, and thrown across the room by my mother when she was "frustrated" or "angry": yes! This is ABUSE. This is not an ACCIDENT.
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Libstak 3 months ago (edited)
She did act in frustration. OK yes, we all are capable of that but please do realise abuse is commonly about frustration too. I am sure she will cooperate well with CPS and they can also help her with the stress of dealing with your brother. These things go bad when CPS is treated as the enemy rather than the facilitator of a better outcome. Whoever reported her will be best disappointed if she embraces the opportunity of assistance that can be provided, her mental health deserves some care too and I am sure she is smart and loving enough to embrace the chance to get the best out of a bad situation. I hope she gets all the love support and courage she needs in trying to look after the mental health of her husband and the well being of her children as well as looking after herself, she so very much deserves it.
Ms.GB 3 months ago (edited)
I agree with your suggestion that she use CPS as a resource to get help. However it's important to clarify that she didn't ACCIDENTALLY push her child in frustration, she became frustrated and pushed her child. She had a moment of frustration in which she couldn't control her anger or actions and that's a problem. An accident is walking around a corner, not looking where you're going, bumping into your child and they fall down and break their wrist...that's an example of an accident. Just because you lost control of yourself in the moment and immediately regretted your actions does not make physically hurting someone an accident. She may have not meant to hurt her child but they aren't any less hurt. Good intentions cannot undo a broken wrist or the emotional damage of being physically hurt by a parent, especially with another parent in the hospital. Whoever called CPS did the right thing because mom needs to be able to handle even extreme emotions and traumatic situations without getting physical with her children. Life gets rough and sometimes when you think it can't possibly get any rougher it does and then it gets rougher still...There are a lot of ppl dealing with horribly stressful almost impossible situations but there is no excuse to get physical, especially with someone whose care and well being is in your hands.
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Michael MacKinnon 3 months ago
You should leave it to the system to deal with this. Your SIL has a reasonable position (indeed, surprised the hospital wasn't required to report).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 months ago
Hospitals are required to report suspected abuse. If the injury and story didnt seem like abuse to them, they wouldnt have reported it
Load More Replies... Min 3 months ago
She got frustrated and broke her child's wrist. That is abuse. Very few child abusers actually set out to do so. As Libstak wrote, abuse is often caused by frustration.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
As a child who was frequently shoved, pushed, and thrown across the room by my mother when she was "frustrated" or "angry": yes! This is ABUSE. This is not an ACCIDENT.
Load More Replies... Libstak 3 months ago (edited)
She did act in frustration. OK yes, we all are capable of that but please do realise abuse is commonly about frustration too. I am sure she will cooperate well with CPS and they can also help her with the stress of dealing with your brother. These things go bad when CPS is treated as the enemy rather than the facilitator of a better outcome. Whoever reported her will be best disappointed if she embraces the opportunity of assistance that can be provided, her mental health deserves some care too and I am sure she is smart and loving enough to embrace the chance to get the best out of a bad situation. I hope she gets all the love support and courage she needs in trying to look after the mental health of her husband and the well being of her children as well as looking after herself, she so very much deserves it.
Ms.GB 3 months ago (edited)
I agree with your suggestion that she use CPS as a resource to get help. However it's important to clarify that she didn't ACCIDENTALLY push her child in frustration, she became frustrated and pushed her child. She had a moment of frustration in which she couldn't control her anger or actions and that's a problem. An accident is walking around a corner, not looking where you're going, bumping into your child and they fall down and break their wrist...that's an example of an accident. Just because you lost control of yourself in the moment and immediately regretted your actions does not make physically hurting someone an accident. She may have not meant to hurt her child but they aren't any less hurt. Good intentions cannot undo a broken wrist or the emotional damage of being physically hurt by a parent, especially with another parent in the hospital. Whoever called CPS did the right thing because mom needs to be able to handle even extreme emotions and traumatic situations without getting physical with her children. Life gets rough and sometimes when you think it can't possibly get any rougher it does and then it gets rougher still...There are a lot of ppl dealing with horribly stressful almost impossible situations but there is no excuse to get physical, especially with someone whose care and well being is in your hands.
Load More Replies... Michael MacKinnon 3 months ago
You should leave it to the system to deal with this. Your SIL has a reasonable position (indeed, surprised the hospital wasn't required to report).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 months ago
Hospitals are required to report suspected abuse. If the injury and story didnt seem like abuse to them, they wouldnt have reported it
Load More Replies...
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