Leave him and stop drinking. Do you not notice the theme of "we were drinking", "I was drinking", "he was drinking"?

This is all one drunken mistake away from tragedy. The kids will be the ones harmed inevitably.

You need to leave him, if not for your sake then for your kids. Why are you subjecting yourself to this abuse?

Get an attorney and file for divorce. Emotional abuse is still abuse!

The guy is trash. DO NOT put up with someone treating like this. I see no reason for you to continue to be a doormat for a man. This guy is an abusive controlling garbage monster. I grew up with a father like that only he was sober. He is never going to change his behavior and unless you want your kids to learn from dad's example or possibly be bullied by dad in the future you need to get out of there ASAP. I can tell you that a male child ( now adult) acts exactly like my dad did screaming at my mom all the time when he is angry. I was terrified of my father and trying to dodge his fury and this other male as well has become a mission of mine. Dad is no longer here but the other one I try to avoid his wrath. My father has caused long lasting trauma and PTSD along with many other events that happened to me in my life. People can't raise their voice above a certain level when angry or if any yelling at me happens I either have to yell back or have a panic attack. As someone with a seizure disorder and other disabilities it has caused me harm. Do not subject yourself or your kids to an AH like him,

To much alcohol. You are sourrunded by alcoholics - abusive ones. Get away. You need to break the pattern totally

You're the ahole for going back to this awful man.

So deleted my original comment cause I realized something. Actually OP YTA for going back.to your alcoholic husband. 1st you need to leave him, get a divorce. Unless he gets help then 1 drunken night could end in tragedy. OP you need to protect your kids. Second you need to press charges against your brother for assault on you and your daughter. Also stay away from your brother. He is just as toxic as your husband. Lastly you need therapy and to quit drinking yourself. I went down a bad rabbit hole with alcohol durning my divorce and it almost ended badly. I luckily lived and no longer drink. So OP get out and leave those toxic people. Your kids could end up starting to resent you and cut you out of their lives. Hell if I was the 20 year old that had been assaulted by her uncle I would.

Have you tried turning your husband off and on again? It seems he has a nasty virus that has corrupted the whole system... it may be easier to just junk the old model and upgrade to a new one.

Unfortunately, growing up around your abusive brother helped set you up to accept an abuse husband. Your kids growing up around this will think abuse Is okay/normal and are statistically more likely to get into abusing relationships themselves or be abusers. For your and your kids’ safety and health, leave your husband.

Another concern: you mention that you have made him change his behaviours a lot over the last 5 years, and then again that you got back together because you thought he had changed. OP, I say this with nothing but kindness and understanding, but you love the man you WANT him to be, not the man he IS. Unfortunately, you don't get to take the pieces you like and try to swap out the bits you don't. You either accept him AND the parts you don't like, or you decide the things you don't like are unacceptable to you and end it. And you already know that it's the latter. Do everyone involved a big favour and end this unhealthy relationship; no one is getting what they need here.

Separation and then therepy. F**k man. Treat yourself better

I considered recording conversations with my now ex, but he would go on for hours,. I journaled asap afterwards before I would forget. I recommend reading Why Does He Do That (if you google the title and 'pdf' you can find it free). If you prefer podcast try Love and Above. These are some of the free resources I found when I was questioning my relationship.

Get out now. You are in danger and so are the kids and any pets. And you should quit drinking.

The first time my ex-husband got drunk, verbally abused me for a couple of hours, then demanded a divorce, we hadn’t even been married three months. I accepted the tearful apology next morning. Over the years, he progressed from verbal and some physical abuse (shoving me around) when drunk to not being drunk but still abusing me. Every disagreement no matter how trivial turned into a screaming session and “we should get divorced”. He knew I’d back away from something so significant over the fact I asked him nicely to put his dirty socks in the laundry basket not on a coffee table in the living room. It took me 12 years, 12 fücking years of escalating abuse until I finally realized, I didn’t love him any more, didn’t even like him, I’d be relieved if he died! What I’m trying to say is I understand how hard it is to let go. How many times you tell yourself it’ll be different this time. It won’t. Things will never get better; they may get much worse. Mine literally tried to kill me in drunk rage fits twice. Please, grab all your paperwork, your kids and LEAVE.

My early years were spent watching my parents grow further and further apart, to the point where they slept in separate bedrooms. But I wasn't aware of how bad things had gotten until one fateful day. Do you have ANY idea what it does to a child to see their parents tearing at each other? It makes their whole world unstable. If you believe for one millisecond that your children are unaware of what's going on, you are sadly mistaken. You need to leave--NOW. Get the sheriff to assist you, if necessary, but GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Emotional and verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse in a flash, and alcohol seems to be the spark that can ignite it. Do you want your kids to see Daddy hit (or end) Mommy? That would ALSO impact your children's mental stability. If you stay, it won't be long before they'll end up living with relatives or in a children's shelter, your husband with the police, and you with the medical examiner (voice of experience).

They all sound like raging alcoholics. For kids' sake I hope she dries out. Her brother will off himself by ignoring his diabetes that way.

The post & the poll are abt whether OP is an AH for making/playing the recording &, after reading the entire post, I couldn't care less abt an effin' rec94ding

Get away and stop drinking yourself. It clouds judgement. He can't hold his liquor as they used to say and is an abusive drunk. You shouldn't need to record conversations to prove the truth to anyone especially your own partner. It isn't fair on you or your family. Walk away with your head high and enjoy your future away from the drama.