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Hey Pandas, AITA For Standing Up To My Husband After His Latest Outburst By Playing A Recording?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
My husband (42m) and I (39f) have been together for about 5 years, married for 2. We have 5 (mine) + 4 (his) children. A year ago, we separated because we were fighting all the time.
The reason is: that he is very hard on the kids and punishes (home arrest, takes away internet/phone, etc.) them if they don’t act like he wants (I imagine kids were raised like this in the ’50-’60s). I am trying to raise the kids in a more gentle way. I have been able to change his behavior a lot in 5 years but still, he is strict.
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My husband also drinks a lot. He makes himself believe that it is his right because he works in IT and makes a lot of money
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
When he drinks he becomes easily irritated, and he wants a lot of attention (always).
Before we separated, we fought almost every time when I had also been drinking (getaway at a hotel or something), and probably the biggest reason was that I wouldn’t take his nonsense. When I don’t drink, it’s easier to ignore the things that would easily turn into a fight. Sometimes, I would record the conversations so I would have proof that I didn’t do the thing he said. When he was drunk and mad at me, he threatened to kick me and the kids out, get a divorce, etc.
We moved back in together 2 months ago and I thought he had changed and stopped the threatening but here we go again
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Yesterday my brother (35) was visiting us, my husband picked him up from his place and they wanted to watch hockey together. Both were drinking a lot. At 9 pm I told my brother that I was gonna take him home now, my husband wanted to tag along.
My brother has diabetes (1) and when he drinks and doesn’t eat or take insulin, he can get psychotic (this happened a lot when he was younger). I didn’t realize early enough that it was going to be that way. Anyway, on the way back, we went to see my daughter (20) and my brother wanted to go drink one drink with her too, and I messed up by going with it.
The night ended up like this:
I tried to get my brother to leave the bar, but he wouldn’t even though he was asked to leave by the owner (he was wasted). He started yelling and was getting aggressive. My husband grabbed him by the neck and that made things worse. When I said this to him, he got angry at me and walked to the car screaming!
My brother started walking home but he left his coat where his insulins were. My daughter ran after him, and in 2 min my brother attacked her and threw her bag away. My husband was about 40m away, he could see me.
I went to get my daughter’s bag and then my brother started attacking me. I walked backward away from him, screaming “Leave me alone, stay away,” etc
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
My daughter and her fiancee ran to help me. My husband sat by the car. Finally, after minutes, he walked to help, and we were able to leave.
In the car on the way back, I asked why he didn’t help me right away. He said he didn’t hear me and started yelling at me to find a man who would be what I needed
Image credits: Adrien Olichon (not the actual photo)
Because obviously, he’s not the one. And he can never do things the way I want (self-pity talk). I told him I would call the police to get him out of the car if he didn’t stop screaming at me when I was driving 100km/h in the pitch dark. After that, he was quiet till we got home. At home, he started the divorce talk again… I even recorded one conversation.
This morning I tried talking to him, but immediately he started raising his voice that I was accusing him in the car, I started acting out to him in the car (which isn’t true). I told him I could play the recording, but he didn’t want to hear it (he didn’t want to be wrong). I was so pissed that I said I could play from the speakers (I wouldn’t in front of kids) and he yelled “If you do that so that the kids can hear it, you can pack your bags and leave!” So I slammed the bedroom door and walked out, we haven’t spoken since and probably won’t speak for days.
Aita?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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What do you think ?
Weasel Wise 2 months ago
Leave him and stop drinking. Do you not notice the theme of "we were drinking", "I was drinking", "he was drinking"?
Bluephoenix (Post author) 2 months ago
In thi's post i didn't say i was drinking, i was the driver. I stopped drinking.
Load More Replies... lenka 2 months ago
Oh my goodness. So much to unpack here. Firstly, your husband is not a good person. He is an abusive alcoholic. Stop trying to change him. He wont change. Leave him. You need to have some very firm words with your brother about his alcohol use. If he cannot appropriately manage his insulin when he drinks, then neither you or your daughter/other children should be anywhere near him when he does.
Weasel Wise 2 months ago
Leave him and stop drinking. Do you not notice the theme of "we were drinking", "I was drinking", "he was drinking"?
Bluephoenix (Post author) 2 months ago
In thi's post i didn't say i was drinking, i was the driver. I stopped drinking.
Load More Replies... lenka 2 months ago
Oh my goodness. So much to unpack here. Firstly, your husband is not a good person. He is an abusive alcoholic. Stop trying to change him. He wont change. Leave him. You need to have some very firm words with your brother about his alcohol use. If he cannot appropriately manage his insulin when he drinks, then neither you or your daughter/other children should be anywhere near him when he does.
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