Hey Pandas, AITA For Wanting Free Time After Work, Even Though I Live At My Parents’ Home?
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I (26F) have a younger bro (18M) and parents (both 47). My mum worked 2 years before she got pregnant with me.
During pregnancy and after, my mum always had excuses for not returning to work
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
Whether I was small, my brother was small, there was a long break from working, or that she must take care of the home (4-room flat in the block, which for me takes 30 minutes of cleaning, for her 15).
My dad works for us all in heavy industry, at 80°C degrees with short breaks during shifts. She can’t even make a proper meal for the time when he comes back home. He comes back home at the same hour every day and sometimes she realizes ten minutes earlier that she may unfreeze something to eat.
Bro still attends high school and doesn’t work, also he doesn’t really pay attention to his grades to the point that he had to repeat two subjects during summer to pass. I did very well in high school and even went to the Olympics last year. From the time when I graduated, I was catching every job possible in our industrial area, as for women they are a little limited in variety. I wanted to take part of my costs of living from my dad. I wasn’t really happy with them, as usually they pay minimal wages on trash contracts. The longest job I had was a year and it was even without a contract.
When I had a chance, I moved to the capital city with my BF. I lived there for 3 years. I got a job with a normal type of contract
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
If necessary I would find two types of additional jobs that pay right after it finishes (if necessary).
Due to inflation, problems with the house owner, and a new manager my family suggested coming back to my parents’ house. I agreed, but I see that almost nothing has changed
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
I got a job with a trash contract again for 4 months, my mum goes to clean house 2 days for 5 hours. Ofc when she comes back she is very tired and expects me to do everything. I work full-time. I don’t have time to do things that I would like, like going to the gym for health reasons, meeting with my old friends, selling my clothes, investing in a graphic design course, paying attention to my diet, meeting with family, going for a date, or just reading a book for more than an hour because she finds me something to do or she wants to talk about something stupid that she watches on TV.
She wakes up around 7/8 am, and until 1 pm she watches series or does her nails, dusts, and vacuums. Then she “prepares” something frozen for lunch or dinner and she is already tired. If I’m at home in the morning, she expects me to do everything. But if something happens, she reminds me that the flat is hers, and I don’t have the right to say anything. Maybe Dad treats her like a princess, but after my work, I would also like to do things that can help me in the future and not do her standard housing care.
While living with BF and later, after the breakup, I was also cleaning, doing shopping, and cooking and it never made me have pretensions to anybody that I needed to do something around me.
She also tries to tell me how to take care of my health, not seeing that her lack of interest from the beginning in nutrition gave me problems that I had from the youngest years, later also mental.
Am I stupid or they are strange? Need other points of view.
P.S. I pay them part of the living cost. Also, I buy most of the food I eat with my money.
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Share on FacebookIf your mom is that tired all the time, maybe she's got an underlying health problem? Has she been to a doctor? But I don't think you're TA, you really just need to find a way to get away from them and build your own life. They should be able to take care of themselves without your constant help.
Was it just me or did op come across as resentful about their perception the mom was failing as a house wife?
That's what I got too. It seems like two very different lifestyles not in harmony. OP needs to just get better jobs and move out.
Load More Replies...1/2 A lot of parents see their kids as live-in servants. I had chores from when I was too young to manage them (literally the doctor told my parents to lay off). I couldn't socialize in high school or do extracurriculars because I had to watch my parents' friends' kids so the adults could have fun. I wanted to work at summer camps; nope, had to stay home and find a c**p job because Mum needed me to clean house (she liked things vacuumed daily). I lived at home and worked my way through uni, but every moment I was at home I had to be participating in "family life," which was most often supporting my parents' socialisation. I took to just not coming home until late most nights. I mean, I was fine to do a share of the housekeeping, but my dad would expect me to skip a party or put aside writing an essay to help him with paperwork for his job. He could do it, but I was just "so much faster." I had to skip classes to set up for their parties.
2/2. OP is contributing financially to the household. There should be a set schedule of chores each week, one commensurate with being one-fourth of the household and a financial contributor. They shouldn't have to just be there at Mum's beck and call whenever the mother wants. I think that's what they're resenting is the Mum demanding that they linger at home to do whatever pops into her head rather than being allowed to go out to be productive. There's no schedule to it, no way for OP to work out time to build their own life and find opportunities for their own future. Mum just sees a live-in servant/companion, not a young adult working toward success. Kids and young adults deserve a chance to build their own lives. The Mum is hindering OP from doing that. She doesn't want her kids to grow up to be independent. She just wants them under her thumb. Very unhealthy.
Load More Replies...If your mom is that tired all the time, maybe she's got an underlying health problem? Has she been to a doctor? But I don't think you're TA, you really just need to find a way to get away from them and build your own life. They should be able to take care of themselves without your constant help.
Was it just me or did op come across as resentful about their perception the mom was failing as a house wife?
That's what I got too. It seems like two very different lifestyles not in harmony. OP needs to just get better jobs and move out.
Load More Replies...1/2 A lot of parents see their kids as live-in servants. I had chores from when I was too young to manage them (literally the doctor told my parents to lay off). I couldn't socialize in high school or do extracurriculars because I had to watch my parents' friends' kids so the adults could have fun. I wanted to work at summer camps; nope, had to stay home and find a c**p job because Mum needed me to clean house (she liked things vacuumed daily). I lived at home and worked my way through uni, but every moment I was at home I had to be participating in "family life," which was most often supporting my parents' socialisation. I took to just not coming home until late most nights. I mean, I was fine to do a share of the housekeeping, but my dad would expect me to skip a party or put aside writing an essay to help him with paperwork for his job. He could do it, but I was just "so much faster." I had to skip classes to set up for their parties.
2/2. OP is contributing financially to the household. There should be a set schedule of chores each week, one commensurate with being one-fourth of the household and a financial contributor. They shouldn't have to just be there at Mum's beck and call whenever the mother wants. I think that's what they're resenting is the Mum demanding that they linger at home to do whatever pops into her head rather than being allowed to go out to be productive. There's no schedule to it, no way for OP to work out time to build their own life and find opportunities for their own future. Mum just sees a live-in servant/companion, not a young adult working toward success. Kids and young adults deserve a chance to build their own lives. The Mum is hindering OP from doing that. She doesn't want her kids to grow up to be independent. She just wants them under her thumb. Very unhealthy.
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