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Hey Pandas, AITA For Warning My Best Friend About Her Former Bullies?
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Hey Pandas, AITA For Warning My Best Friend About Her Former Bullies?

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Moderator’s note:

If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.

This might be a long story, so hang on tight. Apologies for any mistakes or confusion in my writing, as I’m in a bit of a rush here.

So I have a best friend (L) who I’ve known for almost a year and a half now. We’ve been best friends for 8 months. I thought things were going great between us since we talked to each other every day. We have fun. There are times when we laugh and cry, and we do our best to comfort each other. I thought we were going to be together forever, but I don’t think we’re going to last much longer.

For context, before we became best friends, L knew a girl (M) who used to be her best friend before she accidentally made a joke pretending to have a crush on M’s boyfriend, which slightly offended M. I know M. M and I are not friends and never were friends.

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She’s manipulative and controlling, and of course, when M decided to overreact and get mad at L over her joke, she went overboard, didn’t want to be friends with L ever again, and instantly became best friends with another girl (O) who I didn’t know very well.

M and O got together and did as much as they could to humiliate and hurt L over the small joke she made

Image credits: Louis Galvez (not the actual photo)

I should note that the joke had a very sarcastic and lighthearted tone, so there was no way L could’ve been serious. When all of this drama started escalating, L reached out to me, and I helped her the best I could. We became best friends shortly after.

M and O found out and did so many things, including lying to all of L’s other friends to make them leave her and make L look like a bad person, threatening to hurt L and me, saying that L should date [insert creepy pervert’s name here], calling us ugly and stupid on numerous occasions, calling L a pig, and even arguing with me over the phone once when L wasn’t around.

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O even called L a b**ch. That isn’t even all they did, and the tormenting continued for months. They did eventually stop picking on us a couple of months ago, but even after that, I found out that they were still talking trash about us and even attempting to make bad social media posts about us. Still, at least things were getting better.

Fast forward to yesterday, L tells me that M and O finally apologized

Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)

I’m not sure whether it was a genuine apology or not, but basically, they invited L to hang out with them. L says that they are nice now, but I still can’t forgive them—not after all the things they put us through. I warned L to be careful because who knows what M and O might do. They could snap at any given moment.

Today just seemed to be my breaking point. I was, and still am, sad, confused, scared, and a little bit mad. M and O never apologized or said anything to me, so why are they doing so to L? And why now, after all they did to us?

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L referred to me as “one of my homies,” then I replied with, “Well, M and O are not my homies.” I think I accidentally made her mad at me because of that. She knows I won’t forgive them. She then told me that M and O are her besties. I asked if I was her bestie, and she said yes.

L told me that the whole situation was her own fault because of some things she did to M in the past, apparently. I’m assuming this is just stuff M guilt-tripped her for before, and I reminded L that it’s not her fault and that M is just a bad person who overdramatizes everything.

I reminded L of the things M and O did to us, and I once again warned her to be careful because who knows what they could do next. I kind of referred to a possible outcome as the Kirra Hart situation (if you don’t know what it is, google it. Justice for Kirra Hart), and said I didn’t want her to get hurt like Kirra did if M and O were trying to lead her on and do something.

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I’m honestly clueless as to what I’m supposed to do now

Image credits: Anthony Tran (not the actual photo)

Sure, they could be acting nice now, but I don’t know if they’re going to be nice forever or if they’ll snap and start the cycle of bullying again. L then got a little annoyed and told me not to compare M and O to abusers ever again or even assume they could be plotting to hurt her.

I want to be L’s best friend still since she’s the best one I’ve had in a long time, and I know if I decide to leave her, I’d be crushing my own heart and possibly hers too. And what if she does get hurt? I don’t want her to be alone during the aftermath.

I don’t know if I should convince her to leave M and O or if I should just let them be. I want to protect L, but I also don’t want to be overprotective and make her feel like I’m trying to keep her away from potential friends. We both don’t have many friends, and I know L has been wanting to find new friends for a while now since all of her other friends gave in to M and O’s lies and just ditched L.

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So AITA for disagreeing with my best friend and potentially making her angry? And WIBTA if I stopped being her best friend?

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

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Statinanis

Statinanis

Author, Community member

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Hello. Don’t mind me, just tryna have fun here. 𝙸'𝙼 𝙱𝚄𝚂𝚈 𝙼𝙾𝚂𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴٫ 𝚂𝙾 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝙱𝙴 𝚄𝙿𝚂𝙴𝚃 𝙸𝙵 𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚁𝙴𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙽𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚈. 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝙰 𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙻𝙻٫ 𝙸 𝙼𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙹𝚄𝚂𝚃 𝙱𝙴 𝚄𝙽𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝙰𝙻𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙱𝚄𝚃𝚃. 🤣

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Statinanis

Statinanis

Author, Community member

Hello. Don’t mind me, just tryna have fun here. 𝙸'𝙼 𝙱𝚄𝚂𝚈 𝙼𝙾𝚂𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴٫ 𝚂𝙾 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝙱𝙴 𝚄𝙿𝚂𝙴𝚃 𝙸𝙵 𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚁𝙴𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙽𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚈. 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝙰 𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙻𝙻٫ 𝙸 𝙼𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙹𝚄𝚂𝚃 𝙱𝙴 𝚄𝙽𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝙰𝙻𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙱𝚄𝚃𝚃. 🤣

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Moderator, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

Read less »

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Moderator, BoredPanda staff

Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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Eroe Infinito
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah. School drama. Those were the days. When you become an adult you realize how silly things like these are. But being bullied is no joke. So I understand. This is a circumstance where your best bet is to stay out of it and let L fall super hard on her own. And just be there to pick up the pieces when she does. You can't make up someone else's mind for them. No matter how much you try. Just hang out when you can, talk when you can. Avoid fakes because they're not good in any part of life. Young or adulthood. And just try stay happy in you own head. It'll be okay. I'd say your gut/ suspicion is completely right. And eventually you'll be the hero L needs you to be. Best of luck.

lenka
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like you are genuinely trying to be a good friend to L but I am concerned that you are over invested in her relationships and decisions. L is not your responsibility. She is responsible for herself and her choices. For your own mental health and safety, I would suggest that you simply remove yourself from the triangle. Tell L that you love her, that you will always be there to support her and that you hope you can remain good friends and hang out with her separately from M & O, but that you prefer not to get entangled in the drama. A good mantra is "Not my circus, not my monkeys". Find some friends who are less toxic. A good friend will give you energy, not take it away. It might seem like the end of the world now, but as you grow up you will see that people come and go in your life. You should choose those who lift you up, not those who drown you in drama xoxox

Stacy Jones
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The other girls will show their true colors again soon enough, but if you keep trying to force the issue, you will push L away. Just be a friend to her, and stay away from the Mean Girls. Watch out for them trying to turn L against you - when that happens, just distance yourself from the situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; just remember, it does get better.

Sunny Day
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't finish reading the post. Too much 5th grade trauma resurfaced. Ima go play with my Barbie now.

Raleigh Rowan
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Difficult though it may be, you have to let people learn for themselves. Even though you believe you know best, you have to allow your friend to make her own decision. If she gets hurt, support her without saying you told her so. If you get hurt, forgive them, hope that they change, and move on - you know your self worth.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't trust them. I wouldn't hangout with them either. Their true colors are going to come out sooner or later and your friend is going to have to find out for herself. Stay out of the situation and away from the whole lot of them.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You've said your peace, and now its time for you to let this go. Youre feeling vulnerable because you dont have many friends, which is fair, but this is not a situation you can control. You will only cause stress and drama for yourself and L, and drive her away quicker. I can assure you that in a few years none of this will matter as much as it does now..

Orysha
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being friendly with L is just a way to get at you and make you suffer. A little refined bully's torture. If you cut all ties with L they woul start bullyng her again. Your friend is way too nice and too easy to guilt trip.

actaeon cross
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forgive but never forget is how I live in such situations. I've always been able to remain cordial and, on the surface, get along with people I dislike (definitely not near as friendly or patient as I am with others, though). The closest situation I experienced while in high school to you was a friend who always got mixed in with jerk guys. I shoved down my dislike to be there for her (she had expressed suicidal ideation, and I didn't want to abandon her as a friend, though I did report it to a trusted teacher). In my case, we ended up losing contact and haven't talked since graduation (admittedly she was really angry when I broke my promise to not tell anyone about the above). If/when those girls turn on her again, your friend should remember you being there and reliable. Just don't say 'told you so' or anything if/when it happens and I think you could maintain your friendship.

Orysha
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never forgive, never forget is my way to go (hence the best 😋) with bullies. Restraining from saying "I told you so" or "What did you expect?" is so difficult.

Load More Replies...
Joanne Earle
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This definitely sounds like high school. My thoughts are: It's not going to matter one bit after graduation and these people will probably never even see each other again.

Gen X Feral
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm reminded of an old saying from before my day even, leopards don't change their spots. Just because they're being nice now doesn't mean that they aren't still manipulative "mean girls". L is a fool if she think because they're nice now it doesn't mean they aren't up to something. People show you who they really are.

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only a matter of time before L turns on OP and not long after that the mean girls dump her again too, having successfully broken up the friendship. A story as old as time.

Terry Bockovich
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your heart because it's going to break and heal many times. This one is hard because of the cruelty involved, knowing it's a matter of time until you see her in pain. You are not alone in this experience and I'm so glad that you are hearing your instincts. Distance from drama is going to be the smart and emotionally healthy choice that will help you by starting now. There is only 100 years that we get to have. Do not waste a moment on feeling like you're doubting yourself. You know it's not OK. You know it's unacceptable. You know what kindness really is and all you have to do is keep doing that. Whatever anyone says, you know who you are.

Max Fox
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are these women in middle school? They should all grow up.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If L knew what the bullies said to you, then she is condoning it. She has to find out for herself if it happens. However, I'd be keeping my distance from her as this is a clear indication that she's blaming you somewhat for their treatment, since she's also blaming herself for the treatment she got. Which is sad, but L will have to learn that she does not merit that kind of treatment, for any reason.

AngelWingsYT
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I admire your caution n care for L but in the end it is her decision. If you are truly worried they will do something heinous alert her mother about your concerns. Id be weary too if ppl who have done very malous acts suddenly out of the blue say sorry to ONE person n immediately suggest to hang out...that is how ppl get badly hurt or worse...

Eroe Infinito
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah. School drama. Those were the days. When you become an adult you realize how silly things like these are. But being bullied is no joke. So I understand. This is a circumstance where your best bet is to stay out of it and let L fall super hard on her own. And just be there to pick up the pieces when she does. You can't make up someone else's mind for them. No matter how much you try. Just hang out when you can, talk when you can. Avoid fakes because they're not good in any part of life. Young or adulthood. And just try stay happy in you own head. It'll be okay. I'd say your gut/ suspicion is completely right. And eventually you'll be the hero L needs you to be. Best of luck.

lenka
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like you are genuinely trying to be a good friend to L but I am concerned that you are over invested in her relationships and decisions. L is not your responsibility. She is responsible for herself and her choices. For your own mental health and safety, I would suggest that you simply remove yourself from the triangle. Tell L that you love her, that you will always be there to support her and that you hope you can remain good friends and hang out with her separately from M & O, but that you prefer not to get entangled in the drama. A good mantra is "Not my circus, not my monkeys". Find some friends who are less toxic. A good friend will give you energy, not take it away. It might seem like the end of the world now, but as you grow up you will see that people come and go in your life. You should choose those who lift you up, not those who drown you in drama xoxox

Stacy Jones
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The other girls will show their true colors again soon enough, but if you keep trying to force the issue, you will push L away. Just be a friend to her, and stay away from the Mean Girls. Watch out for them trying to turn L against you - when that happens, just distance yourself from the situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; just remember, it does get better.

Sunny Day
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't finish reading the post. Too much 5th grade trauma resurfaced. Ima go play with my Barbie now.

Raleigh Rowan
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Difficult though it may be, you have to let people learn for themselves. Even though you believe you know best, you have to allow your friend to make her own decision. If she gets hurt, support her without saying you told her so. If you get hurt, forgive them, hope that they change, and move on - you know your self worth.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't trust them. I wouldn't hangout with them either. Their true colors are going to come out sooner or later and your friend is going to have to find out for herself. Stay out of the situation and away from the whole lot of them.

Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You've said your peace, and now its time for you to let this go. Youre feeling vulnerable because you dont have many friends, which is fair, but this is not a situation you can control. You will only cause stress and drama for yourself and L, and drive her away quicker. I can assure you that in a few years none of this will matter as much as it does now..

Orysha
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being friendly with L is just a way to get at you and make you suffer. A little refined bully's torture. If you cut all ties with L they woul start bullyng her again. Your friend is way too nice and too easy to guilt trip.

actaeon cross
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forgive but never forget is how I live in such situations. I've always been able to remain cordial and, on the surface, get along with people I dislike (definitely not near as friendly or patient as I am with others, though). The closest situation I experienced while in high school to you was a friend who always got mixed in with jerk guys. I shoved down my dislike to be there for her (she had expressed suicidal ideation, and I didn't want to abandon her as a friend, though I did report it to a trusted teacher). In my case, we ended up losing contact and haven't talked since graduation (admittedly she was really angry when I broke my promise to not tell anyone about the above). If/when those girls turn on her again, your friend should remember you being there and reliable. Just don't say 'told you so' or anything if/when it happens and I think you could maintain your friendship.

Orysha
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never forgive, never forget is my way to go (hence the best 😋) with bullies. Restraining from saying "I told you so" or "What did you expect?" is so difficult.

Load More Replies...
Joanne Earle
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This definitely sounds like high school. My thoughts are: It's not going to matter one bit after graduation and these people will probably never even see each other again.

Gen X Feral
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm reminded of an old saying from before my day even, leopards don't change their spots. Just because they're being nice now doesn't mean that they aren't still manipulative "mean girls". L is a fool if she think because they're nice now it doesn't mean they aren't up to something. People show you who they really are.

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only a matter of time before L turns on OP and not long after that the mean girls dump her again too, having successfully broken up the friendship. A story as old as time.

Terry Bockovich
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your heart because it's going to break and heal many times. This one is hard because of the cruelty involved, knowing it's a matter of time until you see her in pain. You are not alone in this experience and I'm so glad that you are hearing your instincts. Distance from drama is going to be the smart and emotionally healthy choice that will help you by starting now. There is only 100 years that we get to have. Do not waste a moment on feeling like you're doubting yourself. You know it's not OK. You know it's unacceptable. You know what kindness really is and all you have to do is keep doing that. Whatever anyone says, you know who you are.

Max Fox
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are these women in middle school? They should all grow up.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If L knew what the bullies said to you, then she is condoning it. She has to find out for herself if it happens. However, I'd be keeping my distance from her as this is a clear indication that she's blaming you somewhat for their treatment, since she's also blaming herself for the treatment she got. Which is sad, but L will have to learn that she does not merit that kind of treatment, for any reason.

AngelWingsYT
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I admire your caution n care for L but in the end it is her decision. If you are truly worried they will do something heinous alert her mother about your concerns. Id be weary too if ppl who have done very malous acts suddenly out of the blue say sorry to ONE person n immediately suggest to hang out...that is how ppl get badly hurt or worse...

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