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Hey Pandas, AITA For Warning My Best Friend About Her Former Bullies?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
This might be a long story, so hang on tight. Apologies for any mistakes or confusion in my writing, as I’m in a bit of a rush here.
So I have a best friend (L) who I’ve known for almost a year and a half now. We’ve been best friends for 8 months. I thought things were going great between us since we talked to each other every day. We have fun. There are times when we laugh and cry, and we do our best to comfort each other. I thought we were going to be together forever, but I don’t think we’re going to last much longer.
For context, before we became best friends, L knew a girl (M) who used to be her best friend before she accidentally made a joke pretending to have a crush on M’s boyfriend, which slightly offended M. I know M. M and I are not friends and never were friends.
She’s manipulative and controlling, and of course, when M decided to overreact and get mad at L over her joke, she went overboard, didn’t want to be friends with L ever again, and instantly became best friends with another girl (O) who I didn’t know very well.
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M and O got together and did as much as they could to humiliate and hurt L over the small joke she made
Image credits: Louis Galvez (not the actual photo)
I should note that the joke had a very sarcastic and lighthearted tone, so there was no way L could’ve been serious. When all of this drama started escalating, L reached out to me, and I helped her the best I could. We became best friends shortly after.
M and O found out and did so many things, including lying to all of L’s other friends to make them leave her and make L look like a bad person, threatening to hurt L and me, saying that L should date [insert creepy pervert’s name here], calling us ugly and stupid on numerous occasions, calling L a pig, and even arguing with me over the phone once when L wasn’t around.
O even called L a b**ch. That isn’t even all they did, and the tormenting continued for months. They did eventually stop picking on us a couple of months ago, but even after that, I found out that they were still talking trash about us and even attempting to make bad social media posts about us. Still, at least things were getting better.
Fast forward to yesterday, L tells me that M and O finally apologized
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
I’m not sure whether it was a genuine apology or not, but basically, they invited L to hang out with them. L says that they are nice now, but I still can’t forgive them—not after all the things they put us through. I warned L to be careful because who knows what M and O might do. They could snap at any given moment.
Today just seemed to be my breaking point. I was, and still am, sad, confused, scared, and a little bit mad. M and O never apologized or said anything to me, so why are they doing so to L? And why now, after all they did to us?
L referred to me as “one of my homies,” then I replied with, “Well, M and O are not my homies.” I think I accidentally made her mad at me because of that. She knows I won’t forgive them. She then told me that M and O are her besties. I asked if I was her bestie, and she said yes.
L told me that the whole situation was her own fault because of some things she did to M in the past, apparently. I’m assuming this is just stuff M guilt-tripped her for before, and I reminded L that it’s not her fault and that M is just a bad person who overdramatizes everything.
I reminded L of the things M and O did to us, and I once again warned her to be careful because who knows what they could do next. I kind of referred to a possible outcome as the Kirra Hart situation (if you don’t know what it is, google it. Justice for Kirra Hart), and said I didn’t want her to get hurt like Kirra did if M and O were trying to lead her on and do something.
I’m honestly clueless as to what I’m supposed to do now
Image credits: Anthony Tran (not the actual photo)
Sure, they could be acting nice now, but I don’t know if they’re going to be nice forever or if they’ll snap and start the cycle of bullying again. L then got a little annoyed and told me not to compare M and O to abusers ever again or even assume they could be plotting to hurt her.
I want to be L’s best friend still since she’s the best one I’ve had in a long time, and I know if I decide to leave her, I’d be crushing my own heart and possibly hers too. And what if she does get hurt? I don’t want her to be alone during the aftermath.
I don’t know if I should convince her to leave M and O or if I should just let them be. I want to protect L, but I also don’t want to be overprotective and make her feel like I’m trying to keep her away from potential friends. We both don’t have many friends, and I know L has been wanting to find new friends for a while now since all of her other friends gave in to M and O’s lies and just ditched L.
So AITA for disagreeing with my best friend and potentially making her angry? And WIBTA if I stopped being her best friend?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Eroe Infinito 6 months ago
Ah. School drama. Those were the days. When you become an adult you realize how silly things like these are. But being bullied is no joke. So I understand. This is a circumstance where your best bet is to stay out of it and let L fall super hard on her own. And just be there to pick up the pieces when she does. You can't make up someone else's mind for them. No matter how much you try. Just hang out when you can, talk when you can. Avoid fakes because they're not good in any part of life. Young or adulthood. And just try stay happy in you own head. It'll be okay. I'd say your gut/ suspicion is completely right. And eventually you'll be the hero L needs you to be. Best of luck.
lenka 6 months ago
It sounds like you are genuinely trying to be a good friend to L but I am concerned that you are over invested in her relationships and decisions. L is not your responsibility. She is responsible for herself and her choices. For your own mental health and safety, I would suggest that you simply remove yourself from the triangle. Tell L that you love her, that you will always be there to support her and that you hope you can remain good friends and hang out with her separately from M & O, but that you prefer not to get entangled in the drama. A good mantra is "Not my circus, not my monkeys". Find some friends who are less toxic. A good friend will give you energy, not take it away. It might seem like the end of the world now, but as you grow up you will see that people come and go in your life. You should choose those who lift you up, not those who drown you in drama xoxox
Stacy Jones 6 months ago
The other girls will show their true colors again soon enough, but if you keep trying to force the issue, you will push L away. Just be a friend to her, and stay away from the Mean Girls. Watch out for them trying to turn L against you - when that happens, just distance yourself from the situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; just remember, it does get better.
Eroe Infinito 6 months ago
Ah. School drama. Those were the days. When you become an adult you realize how silly things like these are. But being bullied is no joke. So I understand. This is a circumstance where your best bet is to stay out of it and let L fall super hard on her own. And just be there to pick up the pieces when she does. You can't make up someone else's mind for them. No matter how much you try. Just hang out when you can, talk when you can. Avoid fakes because they're not good in any part of life. Young or adulthood. And just try stay happy in you own head. It'll be okay. I'd say your gut/ suspicion is completely right. And eventually you'll be the hero L needs you to be. Best of luck.
lenka 6 months ago
It sounds like you are genuinely trying to be a good friend to L but I am concerned that you are over invested in her relationships and decisions. L is not your responsibility. She is responsible for herself and her choices. For your own mental health and safety, I would suggest that you simply remove yourself from the triangle. Tell L that you love her, that you will always be there to support her and that you hope you can remain good friends and hang out with her separately from M & O, but that you prefer not to get entangled in the drama. A good mantra is "Not my circus, not my monkeys". Find some friends who are less toxic. A good friend will give you energy, not take it away. It might seem like the end of the world now, but as you grow up you will see that people come and go in your life. You should choose those who lift you up, not those who drown you in drama xoxox
Stacy Jones 6 months ago
The other girls will show their true colors again soon enough, but if you keep trying to force the issue, you will push L away. Just be a friend to her, and stay away from the Mean Girls. Watch out for them trying to turn L against you - when that happens, just distance yourself from the situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; just remember, it does get better.
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