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19
Hey Pandas, AITA For Not Telling My Friend I’m Not Happy With Her New Relationship?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
So, when I was in 7th grade, I had a huge crush on Lucas (M15), and my closest friend since the freaking 2nd grade, Amy (F14), knew that I liked him since 7th grade and Lucas liked me too, but neither one us of dated that young. We liked each other all through high school, but then several years later in our junior year, I noticed he started flirting with Amy, while I still liked him.
RELATED:
Amy, the “loyal best friend”, couldn’t help but give him the attention he wanted
Image credits: Eliott Reyna (not the actual photo)
Soon, it got out that he wanted to go out with her, but he was shy so he didn’t have the guts to ask her out. I was crushed! A week later, Amy started giving me the silent treatment out of nowhere.
I begged Amy to tell me why she was so angry with me, she wrote me a note explaining everything she hated about me
Image credits: the blowup (not the actual photo)
Part of the note was that she feels like I am “in the way of Lucas and her.” After about two months, she acts like our little issue never happened! Then, after a couple weeks, we still hadn’t spoken about our “argument” and she dropped yet another bomb on me.
Joe (M17), Lucas’s best friend, started calling Amy by Lucas’s name as a joke, so she knows the secret was gonna get out. What secret? They were texting a lot and were going to go to the Homecoming dance together but he was out of town which, by the way, she had been keeping from me. But wait! There’s more.
She has no idea that I am hurt by this, in fact, I study theater and plan to major in the theatric arts so I easily fooled her into thinking that I was happy for her and even though I am over Lucas (since the letter) I was still hurt.
Actually, every time I see her I act all bubbly and excited for her when in reality, I have daggers in my stomach
Image credits: Ben White (not the actual photo)
And it gets worse. I even asked her if she would go out with him. Her answer: “Probably, but since a lot of my friends have liked him in the past, I might feel pretty bad about it.” Then we were hanging out after school at Starbucks and the words “I would totally, like, marry Lucas tomorrow.” came out of her mouth. The truth is, honestly, she is a cheerleader and gorgeous so he most likely feels the same way, you know, classic football player, cheerleader love story, but I feel really upset about it and she doesn’t know. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I felt after she wrote me that note and so I am very hesitant to tell her how I feel.
I don’t know what to do! All she does is talk about him. Also, ever since she told me about the whole Homecoming story she wants to be best friends again, so like now you want me back? Come on.
So like, AITA for being pissed off about this and wanting her to shut her trap about it? I honestly need help. Also, if you’re confused by anything I said, please leave a comment and I will clarify.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
1. Having a crush on someone doesn't entitle you to anything. It's fine to ask your friend to dial down the chat about Lucas a little, but you can't call dibs on a person. 2. It doesn't sound like your friendship is that solid, you pretend to be happy when you see her, she gives you the silent treatment. You're in high school, not kindergarten. You can either talk through things or your friendship isn't that important to both of you.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I think the first thing to remember is that having a crush on Lucas, even if Amy knew, doesn't mean you have first claim on him. He's his own person and it is perfectly reasonable for him to like Amy and not you...that's just how life works. You can't make that decision for him. Secondly, Amy is also her own person and it is reasonable for her to like Lucas back. Yes, it was rude for her to not be honest with you, but it doesn't sound like you're being honest with her either. I would encourage you to take the higher ground, explain why you are upset but be willing to hear her as well.
Ti Al 1 year ago
Two teenage girls, maybe friends, liking the same teenage boy ... well, it happens. And happend millions and millions of times. No one, mostly not even the teenagers involved, will remember it in a few years from now. Even if it might hurt now and feel overwhelming, the only important thing in this is to learn how to acccept rejection and to evaluate if you want to go on with that friendship.
Alex Boyd 1 year ago
Op, your feelings here are what I like to call "valid, but not actionable." Of course it feels awful when somebody you like doesn't feel the same way, and it doesnt sound like Amy is doing a fantastic job of navigating this situation, but it's ultimately Lucas's choice to like who he likes--Amy can't make him like you instead, even if she wanted to. And I would guess that Amy is probably struggling with honesty because she knows you're going to have hurt feelings no matter what she does or says. And it's fine and normal to have those hurt feelings, BUT, there isn't really anything you, or anyone, can do about it, because Amy and Lucas aren't actually anything wrong by dating each other. You just kind of have to accept that it's happening and it feels lousy.
Alex Boyd 1 year ago (edited)
PS, if you don't want to have a big heart-to-heart talk with Amy where you're honest with each other and figure out how to repair the friendship (or if you don't feel like she'd be receptive to that), one alternative to blowing up the friendship could be that you're just...too busy to hang out with Amy quite so much, for a while, until the situation becomes less fraught. You're not ignoring her or avoiding her, and you do make plans with her now and then, but you don't have time right now for the kind of aimless hanging out that turns into her going on endlessly about how great her relationship with Lucas is. To make it work, though, you do actually have to be busy! Ideally, you'd find some interesting activity, project, or job that will take your mind off the whole Amy-Lucas situation (and maybe even put you in contact with some boys who aren't Lucas) but if worst comes to worst, you could always discover that you really need to buckle down and improve your grades. Good luck!
Load More Replies...
Cam 1 year ago
I'll keep it simple. You NEED to talk with your friend. And you NEED to be honest. Ideally you both are. And be ready to listen to your friends words, with as little prejudice as possible (it can be hard when you're making yourself emotionally vulnerable). Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't, but bottling it up and pretending nothing is wrong is clearly not working. Talk about it before it explodes, because that's when it can get really ugly. Also, if you can, figure out what bothers you exactly about the situation. Is it jealousy of her seeing Lucas romantically? The cruel letter? What is your ideal resolution? Your second best outcome?
V 1 year ago
Yeah, Amy hasn't handled this well, but you could have done better. But as teenagers this is pretty standard stuff. You can't do anything about Lucas, you have no claim to him or anything like that. You have three options 1) blow up the friendship and walk away. 2) have a heart to heart with Amy about everything. 3) don't blow up the friendship, but take a step back and sort out your own thoughts and emotions as they are the only thing that you have control over. But as much as you are probably feeling awful right now billions of teenagers throughout the ages have been in the same situation and came out the other side unscathed.
Just stopping by 1 year ago (edited)
In my opinion you should drop Amy like a hot potato. It is true, you are not entitled to Lucas just because of a long-standing previous crush. However, she knew how you felt about him and therefore knows you must feel some type of way about it but ultimately doesn't care much. Not to mention that whole thing with the mean letter and not addressing it after the fact was way out of line. Forgive the drama and move forward without her. You'll have more peace that way
Diana 1 year ago
You should cut contact with Amy, she knows you have a crush on Lucas and still only talks about him with you. Also, that letter was a nasty thing to do that shows she behaves like a bratty kid. If she wants to go out with Lucas then so be it, there's no betrayal in that but her actions towards a supposedly friend and how she is willing to act for a guy she would probably date for a few months tell me how s****y of a person she is. Also OP you can't be mad at them for dating when you knew the guy liked you first and still didn't make a move. ESH
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
How old are these people? Seems to me there's a huge lack of maturity all around. Just fcking tell her - how she reacts will tell you what shape your friendship is in.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
1. Having a crush on someone doesn't entitle you to anything. It's fine to ask your friend to dial down the chat about Lucas a little, but you can't call dibs on a person. 2. It doesn't sound like your friendship is that solid, you pretend to be happy when you see her, she gives you the silent treatment. You're in high school, not kindergarten. You can either talk through things or your friendship isn't that important to both of you.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I think the first thing to remember is that having a crush on Lucas, even if Amy knew, doesn't mean you have first claim on him. He's his own person and it is perfectly reasonable for him to like Amy and not you...that's just how life works. You can't make that decision for him. Secondly, Amy is also her own person and it is reasonable for her to like Lucas back. Yes, it was rude for her to not be honest with you, but it doesn't sound like you're being honest with her either. I would encourage you to take the higher ground, explain why you are upset but be willing to hear her as well.
Ti Al 1 year ago
Two teenage girls, maybe friends, liking the same teenage boy ... well, it happens. And happend millions and millions of times. No one, mostly not even the teenagers involved, will remember it in a few years from now. Even if it might hurt now and feel overwhelming, the only important thing in this is to learn how to acccept rejection and to evaluate if you want to go on with that friendship.
Alex Boyd 1 year ago
Op, your feelings here are what I like to call "valid, but not actionable." Of course it feels awful when somebody you like doesn't feel the same way, and it doesnt sound like Amy is doing a fantastic job of navigating this situation, but it's ultimately Lucas's choice to like who he likes--Amy can't make him like you instead, even if she wanted to. And I would guess that Amy is probably struggling with honesty because she knows you're going to have hurt feelings no matter what she does or says. And it's fine and normal to have those hurt feelings, BUT, there isn't really anything you, or anyone, can do about it, because Amy and Lucas aren't actually anything wrong by dating each other. You just kind of have to accept that it's happening and it feels lousy.
Alex Boyd 1 year ago (edited)
PS, if you don't want to have a big heart-to-heart talk with Amy where you're honest with each other and figure out how to repair the friendship (or if you don't feel like she'd be receptive to that), one alternative to blowing up the friendship could be that you're just...too busy to hang out with Amy quite so much, for a while, until the situation becomes less fraught. You're not ignoring her or avoiding her, and you do make plans with her now and then, but you don't have time right now for the kind of aimless hanging out that turns into her going on endlessly about how great her relationship with Lucas is. To make it work, though, you do actually have to be busy! Ideally, you'd find some interesting activity, project, or job that will take your mind off the whole Amy-Lucas situation (and maybe even put you in contact with some boys who aren't Lucas) but if worst comes to worst, you could always discover that you really need to buckle down and improve your grades. Good luck!
Load More Replies... Cam 1 year ago
I'll keep it simple. You NEED to talk with your friend. And you NEED to be honest. Ideally you both are. And be ready to listen to your friends words, with as little prejudice as possible (it can be hard when you're making yourself emotionally vulnerable). Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't, but bottling it up and pretending nothing is wrong is clearly not working. Talk about it before it explodes, because that's when it can get really ugly. Also, if you can, figure out what bothers you exactly about the situation. Is it jealousy of her seeing Lucas romantically? The cruel letter? What is your ideal resolution? Your second best outcome?
V 1 year ago
Yeah, Amy hasn't handled this well, but you could have done better. But as teenagers this is pretty standard stuff. You can't do anything about Lucas, you have no claim to him or anything like that. You have three options 1) blow up the friendship and walk away. 2) have a heart to heart with Amy about everything. 3) don't blow up the friendship, but take a step back and sort out your own thoughts and emotions as they are the only thing that you have control over. But as much as you are probably feeling awful right now billions of teenagers throughout the ages have been in the same situation and came out the other side unscathed.
Just stopping by 1 year ago (edited)
In my opinion you should drop Amy like a hot potato. It is true, you are not entitled to Lucas just because of a long-standing previous crush. However, she knew how you felt about him and therefore knows you must feel some type of way about it but ultimately doesn't care much. Not to mention that whole thing with the mean letter and not addressing it after the fact was way out of line. Forgive the drama and move forward without her. You'll have more peace that way
Diana 1 year ago
You should cut contact with Amy, she knows you have a crush on Lucas and still only talks about him with you. Also, that letter was a nasty thing to do that shows she behaves like a bratty kid. If she wants to go out with Lucas then so be it, there's no betrayal in that but her actions towards a supposedly friend and how she is willing to act for a guy she would probably date for a few months tell me how s****y of a person she is. Also OP you can't be mad at them for dating when you knew the guy liked you first and still didn't make a move. ESH
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
How old are these people? Seems to me there's a huge lack of maturity all around. Just fcking tell her - how she reacts will tell you what shape your friendship is in.
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