Alright I know I'm about to get downvoted for this but I guess I don't think the ex should be required to invite you. She may be jealous-- a lost marriage rankles for years after. If you have suspicions about the husband's fidelity, it's not okay. He's knowingly going to something that you don't feel comfortable about.

going to the birthday i can get, since its for the daughter, not the wife. but going to the soup?? why, it was his ex wifes event

The sweet 16 party 24 years ago you really need to let go of. Of course he was going to his daughters party. The monthly soup party is a bit weird that youre not invited and that hes going anyway. Did he and his ex stay friends? Did you many years ago tell her you only eat fork foods? Is your country experiencing a soup shortage? Sometimes there are parties where a partner is not invited, like a "girl's night" or a work thing. You not being invited to this party that you would want to go to is a snub. If you dont want to socialize with her and everybody knows that you would cause problems at a party, thats on you.

I feel like there is a lot more to this story than what you have shared. You jump from not being invited to the step daughter's sweet 16 to the soup events but the daughter is now 40 so there is 24 years in between these two events. I think telling your husband not to attend his daughter birthday is quite AHish, and 24 years is a lot of time to still be hung up on it but that's not the question here really. I dont think you are the AH for feeling left out of soup events also exwife is not an AH for leaving you out. She has no obligation to invite you. Husband might be an AH? But I think more information is necessary. Does the daughter still live at home? Does she attend the soup events? Is that why husband goes?

Info needed, did you talk to him after the previous soup parties? As for the birthday party, of course he went. You have no reason to expect to be invited to that. If you think he’s cheating, then there’s a whole other story here. Either way, communicate. Always communicate.

Ex playing games.

I wouldn't care unless I was suspicious of some fires being rekindled. Other than that? Meh.

Is there some information missing here? The daughter is now 40, why is she having a sweet 16 party?

Initially I kind of scanned this post, thought I got the gist of it, and was like of course she will not like/invite the "next-wife" and if the teen has only had a few years to get used to the new situation after growing up with both parents no wonder he is showing up there without next-wife because still settling dust. Then I read the post more closely and saw next-wife has been married to him 28yrs v first-wife 11yrs. That is not just a couple of years after the change. Daughter is 40 and next-wife has 20something kids with husband. Unless nextie and he had an affair and that is how they started and it was traumatic for original family then his behaviour seems really weird and I do not blame her for getting the hump about him going solo to "soup night". Might be worth her asking wtaf is really going on with this behaviour but make sure she is prepared for "I am going back to her" as a possible outcome. (Out there thought: he has been sidechicking first-wife for some time now)

I think u and ur husband have a very healthy relationship for he is being very honest about his relation with his ex and their daughter. Its one of those situations where everyone is right in their own way. Your husband is right as he has to be there for this daughter, this ex is right for she wants her daughter's father to be there and you are also right to feel that u should be included and ex wife is right is not including u in her own way. I think u have all the right to be upset but also just let it be as ur husband has to be there for the daughter. But ensure that the limits are not crossed.

Not for supporting his child and his ex wife. He help create her and wants to be in her life. The ex wife is for a reason.

Wow. OP is overreacting massively. If she's feeling left out, well, GO TO THE EVENTS!

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