There seems to be more to the story (as hinted) but even like this: At no point in history in no family ever have good cookies, hidden in the high closet, been "for everyone". He knew what he was doing and that makes him the AH.

If you hid them in a high cabinet where no other snacks or food is hidden, common sense would tell someone to ask if it's ok to eat them. Sounds like you need to renegotiate the way groceries go in this situation. If he "contributes" to the groceries, then he can just buy his own groceries and put a sticky on or have his own shelf in the fridge/cabinet. It sounds like he is contributing but eating more than he contributes since he ate the whole box.

You took in someone who is known to be a bit of a freeloader. Hide the goods better next time.

I'm conflicted, if someone is contributing to the grocery shopping I would have a hard time denying them access to the pantry and fridge. I think the best solution would be to hide them in your room until you are ready to dish them out.

The people who are all, "who cares," have never been broke with kids. It's very stressful to have to pinch pennies, with few opportunities to do or have something special on occasion. Should she have communicated to to the BIL? Sure. But he's an adult whose receiving a favor from people who are struggling themselves. What an oblivious a**e. If this is a pattern of behavior, no wonder he's divorced. They need to sit down together and establish some boundaries immediately because this can easily spill over other undeclared boundaries.

Sounds like issues have been adding up and this is the one that "broke the camels back". I think y'all need to sit down and talk everything out or it'll just get worse from here

I don't see any reason why the slob couldn't get off his buttt and go and buy another 2, yes 2, boxes of those cookies. 1 for the theft and snooping, 2, for the entitlement and cheek.

There's a good reason he's divorced

NTA if he is responsible for his own food and food is not shared, especially if the cabinet where the cookies were stored is not a place where he would normally find his snacks, or shared snacks. YTA if food is shared, especially if you never asked him not to eat them. Most likely ESH because he didn't consider they were special and stashed somewhere weird for a reason and at least should have asked, but also that you didn't give him a heads up that they were special and just went straight to pissed off. It sounds like you need to have a conversation about rules and courtesy. Otherwise simply ask him to replace them and move on. I have had difficult people live with me and this is not the hill to die on.

He's gaslighting you. It does matter and YOU care. I bet your kiddos care, too, since those cookies were rewards for them. If he's going to play mind games, he can see himself to the door.

It's different if he had been told they were for a specific purpose. Without being told, how would he know?

I have a sweet spot for a type of cookies. The caramel biscuits from the Dandoy House in Brussels.... Touch my stash AND I WILL F*CKING EAT YOUR LIVER WITH BUTTER SAUCE AND A NICE CHIANTI! (°_°) there won't be any more warnings

NTA. If you ate things he bought with his money, would he be okay with that. It wasn't an open package out on the table, it was tucked away on a high shelf. He should at least apologise and maybe it's even time he found his own place. Don't know the housing market where you are, but is he even looking really actively? If you really need a place, in a few months you should be able to find something, even if its temporarily.

Make it a lesson learned and be clear : tell him that next time he's eating something he didn't buy, he's out. He's a grown-up man knowing your situation, that's on him to behave like a normal person.

I think you should establish clear rules and consequences for his stay with you. Calmly and thoroughly, explain to him in detail "a repeat pattern of disrespecting our boundaries and taking advantage of our hospitality," then establish how he is to avoid this in the future, and what will happen if he doesn't. Set a good example for him, and your children. Clear rules and boundaries, steadily enforced.

How expensive are these cookies, like $10 for "premium" ones? Just ask him to pay you back or buy another box!

Did you at any point tell him they were only for your children? But you are NTA. Most people would either ask first or would know that given their being hidden, probably to leave alone

ESH, with the fellow Panda sucking a little less. Shared food is hard because food is a consumable. My partner often eats important things at the wrong time. "Where is some major component needed for this meal?" "Where is our candy for trick or treaters?" "Where are the hidden chocolate bars for your father's Christmas gifts?" No matter how I squirrel things away, they are often consumed. But I also don't put a post it on the items saying "do not eat, for specific purpose* It's equally my fault until I create a system that clearly delineates "hands off!* Otherwise it just looks like food. It appears like brother-in-law has been a house guest in your mind and a roommate in his. Roommates are allowed mistakes while guests should defer to the standards of their hosts. Adults coping with the trauma of divorce and/or unexpected job loascan be self centered or singularly focused on staying above water. Your household is treading water trying not to drown while facing this new normal.

He's a db. You need to get him out asap. How dare he be anything other than helpful & constantly trying to make your lives easier?! What a filthy, ungrateful, entitled wanker.

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It's difficult to say because there is no detail to how you reacted. Ok you were livid and confronted him, but how? With a calm tone masking the thunder, or with a knife in your hand while screaming like a lunatic? At the end of the day, they are only chocolates, but if they were clearly tucked away somewhere that would suggest they were being kept for a purpose, then you would have a right to be pretty pissed. However, if they were stored where shared food is kept, then you only have yourself to blame. That being said, I'm a hypocrite and would completely overreact and flip my s**t if someone ate my food. Something else to consider, did "Jake" ever share his luxury chocolates? If no, then I wouldn't blame you if you fed his body through the nearest chain-link fence.

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Who cares? Why do you look for drama.