Feel your feels, friend. The only way to get past how you're feeling is to go through it. Allow yourself to have every emotion that comes up - anger, disgust, sadness, whatever it may be. And then be ready to grieve, not just for the loss of your husband but for the man you thought he was. Having been through something similar I strongly recommend therapy - it gave me back to myself. Be well.

No, you are not overreacting, it's not a guy thing it's a callous cheater thing you supported him through illness and this was how he repaid you? I'm sorry for your loss. I will say, sometimes being seriously ill can make people a little crazy maybe to the point of grabbing at anything and everything to experience regardless of morals or ethics. If you can forgive him, great but you are definitely entitled to your feelings of anger and betrayal too.

He's dead. Start over. You deserve someone who won't do this sort of bizarre c**p to you. You spent 11 years with this loser. Go spend the rest of your life with an amazing man because there are PLENTY of them out there who wouldn't dare do this, the random thought would never enter into their mind. Your, thankfully, dead husband was not normal; this was not regular guy behavior. Whenever in doubt, reverse the roles in your mind of a woman doing this to a man and you'll have your answer on whether this is normal, human behavior.

This is so sad. Didn't leave a single thing for their child?

Similar thing, but husband is still alive... luckily for him... its a sex addict thing. Joining a SANON group and counselling helped me through it. I stayed with husband on the condition he works on his addiction.

When in a relationship, some guys will never even notice other women, some like to look, some like porn, some like flirting, some like finding out if they've "still got it" by seeing if they can get a number, some cheat. I'm sorry to say, he crossed the line. I'm not saying it's an excuse (because there is not excuse), but if your sex life was not as active as his drive, it is possible that he never actually "did" anything with these women, and he was just using it for masturbation material. Was there any evidence in the messages that he actually met these women? Either way, you have a right to feel betrayed, because you were! He hid things from you, he lied. But if the level of betrayal is important to you and it turns out he was just having a wank... well, I guess it depends on how you want to remember him.

The pictures, absolutely normal, nothing to be upset about, probably >90% of guys have porn on their phones or computers. The dating site messages are another matter though, but there's a possibility that it was never anything more than a fantasy; only you can judge that from what you've seen.