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Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Upset Over Discovering Disturbing Online Activity In My Partner’s Past?

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Recently, I found a folder with 291 pictures of sexy poses and hardly dressed (some nude) women on my longtime partner’s phone. We’ve been together for 11 years.

I also found dating apps like OkCupid and MeetMe on his phone. I know he has been talking to people on them, even though he deleted all the messages (I found screenshots of some messages).

I never checked his phone before; I always trusted him and gave him space, respecting his privacy.

Now, he recently passed away from colon cancer

Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Upset Over Discovering Disturbing Online Activity In My Partner's Past?

Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)

I was hoping to find some pictures and videos for our 20-month-old son and maybe a voice message he might have left for him.

But he didn’t leave any messages, notes, or anything for our son

Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Upset Over Discovering Disturbing Online Activity In My Partner's Past?

Image credits: Rahul Chakraborty (not the actual photo)

Instead, I found out he was chatting with and had screenshots of naked girls over the whole 11 years we were together.

I feel very betrayed and disgusted for spending so much time, attention, and money (since he couldn’t keep a job) on someone who did this

Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Upset Over Discovering Disturbing Online Activity In My Partner's Past?

Image credits: Daniele La Rosa Messina (not the actual photo)

Even on days when I was laying in the hospital with pre-eclampsia, he was talking with other girls!

Am I just overreacting, or is this a guy thing?

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What do you think ?

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Lyoness 6 months ago

Feel your feels, friend. The only way to get past how you're feeling is to go through it. Allow yourself to have every emotion that comes up - anger, disgust, sadness, whatever it may be. And then be ready to grieve, not just for the loss of your husband but for the man you thought he was. Having been through something similar I strongly recommend therapy - it gave me back to myself. Be well.

38points

John Harrison 6 months ago

What a beautiful comment.

7points

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Prafje Ram (Post author) 6 months ago

Thank you all for your comments and support. I have an appointment next week with a psychologist to deal with this all. Every comment helped me as well and I'm glad I was able to share what happened with you guys. Thank you very much once again

31points

Papa 6 months ago

That is not a guy thing. That is AH behavior, and it's not restricted to any one gender. There are plenty of good men out there, and I'm sure you'll find one (when you're ready, of course).

6points

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Libstak 6 months ago (edited)

No, you are not overreacting, it's not a guy thing it's a callous cheater thing you supported him through illness and this was how he repaid you? I'm sorry for your loss. I will say, sometimes being seriously ill can make people a little crazy maybe to the point of grabbing at anything and everything to experience regardless of morals or ethics. If you can forgive him, great but you are definitely entitled to your feelings of anger and betrayal too.

27points

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Lyoness 6 months ago

38points

John Harrison 6 months ago

What a beautiful comment.

7points

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Prafje Ram (Post author) 6 months ago

31points

Papa 6 months ago

That is not a guy thing. That is AH behavior, and it's not restricted to any one gender. There are plenty of good men out there, and I'm sure you'll find one (when you're ready, of course).

6points

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