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“My Family Thinks I Make My Money Crocheting”: 30 Secrets People Won’t Ever Tell Their Families
When I was a teenager, I kept countless secrets from my parents. I concocted elaborate stories about where I was and who I was with to conceal the truth many times, and it’s probably best that they never find out what I was actually up to. Nowadays, however, I feel like I can share almost anything with my family. We’re all adults, and I don’t have anything to hide. But if you do, you’re not alone…
Redditors have recently been exposing the juiciest secrets that they’ll never reveal to family members. Some of this information is concealed because it’s not exactly PG, and other secrets are kept to avoid hurting Mom and Dad’s feelings. But there’s nothing wrong with sharing these truths anonymously online! Enjoy reading through the replies, and be sure to upvote the ones you’d keep from your parents as well.
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#1
I actually enjoy pineapples on pizza. There, I said it. It's not a phase, it’s just who I am now.
RELATED:
#2
That I’m in debt because my business is struggling (clients are struggling too so paying bills late) they think I’ve lost so much weight because I’m dieting when in reality it’s because I can’t afford food. Any money I get in I buy my dogs food so he never goes hungry. He always has a full belly and that’s the only thing that matters. .
Dog Mom to Zoe 2 weeks ago
Pasta is cheap and filling. It's sad to think that anyone goes to bed hungry but so many do.
#3
That I love my dogs more than I do some of my brothers and sisters.
#4
My buddy Jake invited me to his church’s trivia night, and I figured, “Sure, I’ll pretend to know Bible stuff if it means I get unlimited slices of pepperoni.” Things were going great until one trivia question asked, "What’s the fastest-growing Christian denomination?"
Being the self-proclaimed king of useless knowledge, I muttered, "Probably the Mormons. Those guys are grinding harder than a Call of Duty streamer."
Turns out, I was right. Pastor Dan, the youth pastor , overheard me and started asking questions like I was some Mormon historian. Now, I’m not Mormon, but thanks to a deep dive into Wikipedia after watching The Book of Mormon musical, I had random facts locked and loaded. So I started rambling about Joseph Smith, golden plates, and how Mormons don’t do coffee but somehow still have the energy of caffeinated squirrels.
Apparently, Pastor Dan was fascinated. He started asking me more questions, and since my brain is 80% trivia facts and 20% anxiety, I just kept going. I figured he’d forget about it.
Fast forward a few weeks: Jake tells me Pastor Dan has been deeply researching Mormonism... like, full-on studying their theology, reading the Book of Mormon, and apparently vibing with it.
Then, last week, Jake drops this bomb: "Dude... Pastor Dan just announced he’s converting."
I went to church for free pizza and accidentally built a Mormon.
TLDR Got free pizza, dropped some random Mormon facts, and now there’s one less youth pastor and one more guy preparing to bike across America in a white shirt and tie.
#5
I make my living owning and running a small business that designs and sells custom plushies and apparel.
My family thinks I make my money crocheting, and I do make a few bucks here and there from my yarn work, but the absolute vast majority of my income comes from the custom made latex fetishwear and kink gear I produce.
Janelle Collard 2 weeks ago
Hey, you're a small business person, fulfilling a need. Nobody needs to know *everything* you do. 😁
#6
Nothing makes me happy anymore and I wish I would just not wake up.
#7
That sometimes I wish my parents were divorced so that I could visit my mom without having to see my dad at the same time.
EDIT: Holy c**p, had no idea so many people relate to this! I feel a bit less like a freak.
Lee Gilliland 2 weeks ago
I was relieved when my parents finally divorced. They really shouldn't have been married in the first place, but they stayed together until my little sister graduated university. It did not make for a happy childhood.
#8
I draw furry kink smut for a living and make more than I would if I worked full-time retail.
I'm my own boss, I work from home, and the clients are generally FAR kinder than when I worked for firms as a designer.
I just tell them I'm a freelance illustrator/graphic designer and "I'm working on" posting my work online.
#9
I was a s******r for two years. Paid cash for college. 25 years later, no one knows.
#10
The reason I didn’t have my mom come with me after I miscarried my baby was because after surgery I knew she would have asked for my pain killers. She made it always about her and she’s the reason I have so much trauma.
#11
That I don’t really enjoy life but rather just existing when I’m not in their presence so essentially putting on a happy face when I’m around them. I would never self harm since I know how much that would hurt them but damn do the days feel long sometimes.
#12
That I make a lot more money than they think I do. Worked in education for years and then went into consulting. I live beneath my means, rent a modest house, and have been able to build my savings. They all still assume I live on a similar salary and I just let them think that.
#13
That I literally hate them all. They’re soul sucking leaches whom don’t care about anyone other than themselves. I’ve been there for them all emotionally and financially, as soon as I got a separation after a 9 year marriage they all disappeared. I’m starting my life over with absolutely no support. I just got into medical school and I haven’t told any of them because they wouldn’t give a s**t….
#15
I do not believe in God and I smoked weed with my youth pastor on Wednesday nights when you made me go to church.
Shoutout to pastor Dave.
Kristy Marion 2 weeks ago
Relatable. As soon as my brother got his licence we started going to Sunday night mass instead of in the morning with our parents. Instead of attending, we sat in his car smoking and listening to grunge. We really couldn’t stand each other back then, but we hated mass more
#16
Getting a vasectomy at 24. Sorry mom and dad, you can’t pressure me into giving you grandkids now.
Multa Nocte 2 weeks ago
And we women have tried for so many years to get equivalent birth control at the same age but were never allowed. At least some progress is being made somewhere.
#17
I was a s*x worker for 2 years to help pay my husband's debts, buy a new car and get out of where we were living. More specifically men paid me to breastfeed them as I was 8 months post partum.
It's our dirty little secret because it got us to where we are now.
#18
Wife and I were swingers for a time . Went to a large weekend party. At one point we see my parents checking in. Needless to say we made a quick exit.
#20
If I’m being totally honest, I’ve probably skipped a few family gatherings just to binge-watch shows in peace. Like, you know when you just need me time? Yeah, I’ve used that as an excuse a couple of times. My family would lose it if they knew, but hey, sometimes you gotta recharge!
#21
Most of them know I did escorting. Most don't know that the majority of my customers were lonely middle-aged gay men. I was not out banging tons of hot chicks or lonely hot mammas.
#22
That as a straight guy, secure of my sexuality and gender, I already used eyeliner, lipstick and painted nails. Nothing to write home about, except I felt WAY too comfortable in that, more than just looking goth. I'm a long haired guy, so we all know where this is going.
Taking this to my grave, when it comes to my family knowing. Basically, I am SO into women that I felt kinda comfortable looking like one for a couple hours.
#23
After trying my whole life to believe they were decent people that loved me, I realize that my family is a bunch of self absorbed, idiotic, a******s that are too afraid to improve themselves for fear of losing their ideas of who they are.
#24
I know they like to gossip about me because they do it about each other, too. They're a big bunch of crabs in a bucket. Therefore, I lie about important things in my life sometime. It's hilarious to hear my dad's sisters talk like they know me when they are repeating a lie.
#25
I'd never tell my father that his alcoholic second wife (my first step mum), came on to me one night when he was out working, and she was drunk. I was 15 years old - less than a year after they were married.
#26
These other answers are so much more intense than mine!
My little secret is that ever since i stopped using birth control (as i am both single and a lesbian, i no longer saw the point), my sexual appetite has gone trough the roof, i have never experienced this before.
For 1 week a month, i will just be going about my day, when suddenly i get insanely h***y?
It does make me feel lonely though, as i have no one to share this with. Hands and fingers it is!
#27
That I quit college 33 hours away from my degree and never graduated. It was Mechanical Engineering, and I hated every bit of it. I was only in it because my parents paid the bill and forced me. Now I do really well financially in IT. But I feel like this lie coming to light would tear my family apart.
#28
I like to occasionally sneak out of the house, and wear a speedo to the beach or pool to tan my legs better.
I’m an American man, married to a woman for 25 years, heterosexual, father, and shamed into covering my body from the waist down in as much fabric as possible in or near the water.
Feathered Dinosaur 2 weeks ago
Move to Germany then, older man dgaf and wear speedos whenever they like
#29
I pawned my parents' wedding rings (they were divorced already and my mom kept them) to pay for college applications and an eighth of sour diesel. It eventually got them to stop having revenge s*x bc they blamed each other for the rings' absence and I'm 37 credit hours in lol I felt like a little s**t for doing it but god my parents hate each other til this day and im almost finished with my degre. Salubrious af for me.
#30
I had s*x with an exchange student my grandmother was hosting (I was 16, she was 17) a week before she met my uncle, whom she married soon after, thus becoming my aunt.
Edit: they are now divorced and she is a US citizen and small business owner. The small business is a B**M shop.
Poll Question
Do you believe it's better to keep certain information from your family to protect their feelings?
Yes, protecting feelings is important
No, honesty is always the best policy
It depends on the situation
I'm not sure
What do you think ?
Maples Dad 2 weeks ago
The majority of this stuff arent even things a normal person tells their family anyway. There is such a thing as too much info.
Susie Elle 2 weeks ago (edited)
That I'm deeply upset with them that I was so alienated within our own family that nobody noticed my eating disorder, crippling anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues. I feel like they still don't know who I am, anything I tell them about myself they seem to forget, and nobody ever really checks back with me about what's going on in my life. They care about me, sure, but I feel like they have no idea of me. EDIT: I came back with an example. As a teen and young adult, I used to straighten my curly hair every day. I stopped doing this somewhere in 2014, and have had a big head full of curly hair up until a few years ago (somehow the curls disappeared). A few days ago my dad said: "Your curls disappeared because of that constant hair straightening you're doing". I had to remind him that I hadn't touched a straightening iron in over a decade. Over the course of 8 years, somehow he never noticed.
Binky Melnik 6 days ago
As if your hair follicles know what’s going on with the old, dеad hair a couple feet from ‘em. 🙄 My dad comes up with idiotic theories for everything, too (though to him they are immutable facts and not theories). I feel you, Susie!
Cosmos in your eyes 2 weeks ago
I no longer practice the faith I was raised in. I'll keep it a secret long as I can.
Ron Man 2 weeks ago
I gave up. Most of these are things you would never randomly tell your family to begin with. Sexual appetites, kinks, flaunting your genitals... I think people didn't really get the point of the question. I mean, unless they think people are going to tell their family that they like to shave their genitals because it makes them more visually appealing and help them get oral s*x.
Tom De Paul 2 weeks ago
You keep the secret because it's not their business, not to protect them. Life isn't (shouldn't be) the Jerry Springer show.
Re dacted (Ace) 2 weeks ago
Not to protect their feelings, but because some things just aren't their business.
Magenta Blu 1 week ago
Silence is always safer Why give information? So the others will use that against me again?. No I'm done
Littlemiss 2 weeks ago
I will never tell anyone what happened in band camp. Not even that one time in band camp...
Saphyre Fyre 2 weeks ago
this is how messed up people's thinking and mental health in general is. it's sad.
D Gibson 5 days ago
This one was a piece of c**p. People are upset enough , no one needs to read about the dregs of society. This place is getting worse and worse. To say nothing of the ridiculous censoring. I don't want anyone who looks male in the women's washroom. There should be three kinds of washrooms, Men, women, & ? .
Maples Dad 2 weeks ago
The majority of this stuff arent even things a normal person tells their family anyway. There is such a thing as too much info.
Susie Elle 2 weeks ago (edited)
That I'm deeply upset with them that I was so alienated within our own family that nobody noticed my eating disorder, crippling anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues. I feel like they still don't know who I am, anything I tell them about myself they seem to forget, and nobody ever really checks back with me about what's going on in my life. They care about me, sure, but I feel like they have no idea of me. EDIT: I came back with an example. As a teen and young adult, I used to straighten my curly hair every day. I stopped doing this somewhere in 2014, and have had a big head full of curly hair up until a few years ago (somehow the curls disappeared). A few days ago my dad said: "Your curls disappeared because of that constant hair straightening you're doing". I had to remind him that I hadn't touched a straightening iron in over a decade. Over the course of 8 years, somehow he never noticed.
Binky Melnik 6 days ago
As if your hair follicles know what’s going on with the old, dеad hair a couple feet from ‘em. 🙄 My dad comes up with idiotic theories for everything, too (though to him they are immutable facts and not theories). I feel you, Susie!
Cosmos in your eyes 2 weeks ago
I no longer practice the faith I was raised in. I'll keep it a secret long as I can.
Ron Man 2 weeks ago
I gave up. Most of these are things you would never randomly tell your family to begin with. Sexual appetites, kinks, flaunting your genitals... I think people didn't really get the point of the question. I mean, unless they think people are going to tell their family that they like to shave their genitals because it makes them more visually appealing and help them get oral s*x.
Tom De Paul 2 weeks ago
You keep the secret because it's not their business, not to protect them. Life isn't (shouldn't be) the Jerry Springer show.
Re dacted (Ace) 2 weeks ago
Not to protect their feelings, but because some things just aren't their business.
Magenta Blu 1 week ago
Silence is always safer Why give information? So the others will use that against me again?. No I'm done
Littlemiss 2 weeks ago
I will never tell anyone what happened in band camp. Not even that one time in band camp...
Saphyre Fyre 2 weeks ago
this is how messed up people's thinking and mental health in general is. it's sad.
D Gibson 5 days ago
This one was a piece of c**p. People are upset enough , no one needs to read about the dregs of society. This place is getting worse and worse. To say nothing of the ridiculous censoring. I don't want anyone who looks male in the women's washroom. There should be three kinds of washrooms, Men, women, & ? .
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