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There is no universal list of red flags in a partner one should look out for; or run away from the second they see one. However, some things are more likely to be considered red flags by most, even though they might not scare everyone to the same degree.
Members of the ‘AskReddit’ community recently discussed red flags they don’t mind so much in a potential partner. It all started with the user ‘Cerseiriously’ posing the question, and their fellow redditors were open and honest about it. Scroll down to find their answers on the list below and see if you would consider any of these red flags deal breakers yourself.
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#1
"How a man treats his mother is a sign of how he'll treat you so be careful"
Or if he dislikes his mom, doesn't want to help her, be there for her, talks bad about her. It could be because she's horrible and it's just a sign of how she treated him.
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#2
Having friends of the opposite sex. I don't understand why people act like it's a big deal.
#3
Someone who’s been single for a long time! I find jumping from partner to partner more concerning. Some people never figure out who they are on their own.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
👆🏻This 💯this👆🏻 I'm always bowled over when someone's broken up/divorced after a long term relationship and is dating within a month or two! - whatever happened to taking 50% of the relationship time to process and figure out who you are without them?
#4
Someone who isn't close to their own family. I'm not close with mine, either. I'd actually think it was refreshing to be with someone who understood and felt the same way.
#5
Not having a lot of prior relationships (as an older person). When I met my husband, he was 34 and had had only one serious relationship up until that point which was 15 years prior.
Now I know a lot of people would see that has a waving red flag and think there was something "wrong" with him, but the reality was he was in a male-heavy specialty (engineering college to an engineering job), had a job where he traveled about 90% of the time and, when I met him, had just moved back to the area where he had grown up after being away for over 10 years. None of that was conducive to meeting people or a relationship and, beyond that, he's not a particularly social person or someone who really revels in the company of others, which didn't help.
We met online, we clicked, we started dating, we got married 2 years later and are still married 18 years later.
jennymac312 1 year ago
Thank you! I'm 35 and neurodivergent. I've never had a serious relationship. Not for lack of desire or trying. It just takes a special person to find my quirks cute and not off-putting.
#6
Depression. My misses was in a rough way when we met. I took her under my bubbly delightful wing and pulled her in the right direction. Helping and supporting her every single day it may be tiring at times but s**t I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is amazing I type this as I sit next to her knowing she means everything to me. Damaged goods are fine by me I was damaged at a point in my life but I'm healed and am will to help heal others. My wife is a rock star and the light of my life. Love, listen be patient, and don't be afraid to point out where they goof. People goof often I goof often. A goof is nothing more than water under the bridge.
#7
Back when I was dating, I didn’t mind a girl with a lot of “experience” (Reddit loves using the term body count). If she wanted to be with me after being with lots of other guys, that told me I must be pretty damn good.
#8
I’ve been told my lack of social media is a major turn off and a major red flag. But I find a guy that doesn’t have any social media or very little attractive. It’s all about perspective.
expertlyblended:
Not posting a lot on socials. I used to think the world was ending if my partner didn’t proclaim me as their true and undying love on the internet. It was never that deep. I was just insecure. The people who matter know that we’re together, and that’s all I care about.
#9
Not being ambitious in their careers. They have to be responsible, and ideally financially stable. But at the end of the day, work is just work and doesn't define us, and they can have a lot of other passions in life while just wanting to get by in their careers.
#10
Someone with mental health issues. I basically screened for that when I was dating. Hubs had one depressive episode in his life, meanwhile I struggle a lot with it. But just him having the one episode allows him to know somewhat what I go though and be there for me in a way someone who never experienced depression couldn’t.
Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
Mental health issues, BUT dealing with it/handling it (meds, therapy, etc.) = green flag. It shows self-awareness, responsibility, and courage; qualities anyone would want in a partner or friend. If someone has a known problem and they're not willing to deal with it and just use it as an excuse to either do what they want or play the victim, that's a MASSIVE red flag.
#11
Being broke and somewhat dependent. I've never been with someone who had their s**t together perfectly and unless they want me to mommy them, I'm fine with that. I'm also a little behind in life when it comes to career and stuff.
I heart Boo-BI-es 1 year ago
Don't be so hard on yourself, there is no age limit to when we should have met certain milestones. I'm 38 and have just started back in university due to shìtty circumstances. So I'll be over 40 by the time I graduate and hopefully will start my career shortly there after. Screw society, you do you on your own time!
#12
No friends. No family contact. Because those are all the things I’m currently dealing with. By choice. Friends just kind of faded and realized I was the only one putting in effort. And my family is extremely toxic and one-sided. So I would look at it more as a green flag. But in a relationship right now with someone with the opposite of me and sometimes it’s a struggle. But it’s workable.
Lydsylou 1 year ago
If you dated someone with no friends then it would be nice to introduce them to yours but I can see how maybe they would want a little too much attention from you. I have a friend and I'm his only other friend and he is constantly texting or inviting me places because he has no one else to invite which can get a little annoying and overwhelming but it might be different if we were in a relationship because I would want to see him more often
#13
Someone who doesn't like dogs / cats/ pets. Some people here would have you believe they're secret psychopaths or something but some people just don't like animals. They could have had a traumatic experience with one while younger or just have a phobia.
Snorky The Pig 1 year ago (edited)
I wouldn't call this a green flag, but I wouldn't think they are a psychopath either. In any case, I have had pets all my life, so I personally need an animal lover if we're going to live in the same house.
#14
Not being very communicative or chatty through text. Some people simply aren’t into texting.
I dated a guy who was like that. At first I took his lack of communication and short answers as not being interested… when in reality, he simply wasn’t much of a texter. I just accepted that’s how he was. In person he was great.
quentariel 1 year ago
Or some people are the opposite. They could write novels with each text, but hate talking in phone.
#15
Being “high maintenance”. I think it all depends on which definition of the phrase you’re going with. I’ve heard it used to describe women who are obsessed with their appearance and take 2 hours to get ready for a night out with hair and makeup. That doesn’t bother me at all. I like to look my best when I go out for the night and I like the woman I’m with to also look her best. Plus I enjoy the time they’re getting ready. I either chill and do stuff I don’t usually have the time to do (video games/YouTube/whatever), or I sit and chat with them while they do their makeup and hair. It’s a nice and peaceful time to unwind together and check in with one another before we go out for the night.
#16
I can be inconsistent at responding to texts and I like people who are the same way. Being glued to your phone and expecting constant communication is unhealthy imo. If it’s urgent, call me!
#17
“Oversharing” and some amount of surface-level emotional instability.
I’ll take someone who is open about and grappling with their feelings and worldview over someone who is trying to bury them. Furthermore, people who are embarrassed by or ashamed of their emotions and are therefore trying to manipulate them rather than address them are likely going to have the same response to *my* emotions as time goes on.
HolyDiver 1 year ago
I have found that many people can't handle openness, honesty and truth. They want the false imagery or 'honeymoon' behavior. I am who I am. I've been in recovery for over 30 years now and am used to being around people who value those qualities. 'Normies' tend to freak out a bit when you don't have a hidden agenda and mean what you say.. it's mind blowing.
#18
Self harm scars. As someone who's been there, I personally think it shows immense mental fortitude and strength. It shows that you're a fighter.
#19
IamTheShark:
Can't cook. I prefer to have total management of the kitchen.
dynamicdickpunch:
I'm the same, but with kitchen cleaning. There's my method of cleaning, and then there's all the wrong ones.
Snorky The Pig 1 year ago
As a woman, my friends find it weird that I want to do all of the housework. It's not about old-fashioned values, I just like it.
#20
Someone who needs their space. Maybe a lot of space. I describe my perfect relationship model as a Binary Star system. I've unfortunately found that a lot of men (I'm a woman, fwiw) are a little too protective/possessive or something along those lines to let this work.
#21
A woman with a kid. I'm bias though, met my wife when she had a two year old girl. Been married ten years this week.
Clown fish 1 year ago
Why what's wrong with us women with children? I'd be more worried about men who don't see or pay for their children
#22
A little bit of jealousy. I can deal with it since I can be a little jealous myself.
imnogoodatthisorthat:
I think it’s a normal emotion when you have genuine feelings for someone. Of course, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with that emotion. So for me the real red flag is if someone takes it out on me or tries to control me. But in general I like for my partner to be a little (or even a lot) jealous as long as they can deal with it in a healthy way.
Clown fish 1 year ago
Jealousy is fine as long as you talk and say why it made you feel that way but projecting your own insecurity on to someone else is BAD
#23
A certain type of dating history. Everyone has their own style of dating.
For example, Person A has a history of 3-4 year LTR but has never married while Person B doesn't have any relationships beyond 6 months. Person A thinks its a red flag that Person B "can't commit" when the reality is they simply end a relationship they don't see going long-term. On the other side, Person B thinks it is Person A who can't commit based on the fact they have years long relationships but don't progress.
Its all relative to how you compare the persons history to your own style of dating.
#26
Having someone that's meaner than me. My wife will always let the restaurant know when my order is wrong, also we were furniture shopping and she got an extra $800 off by asking if they could go any lower. I don't think I realized before her how costly politeness is.
#27
Having an alternative look. I like piercings and tattoos on a girl. I'm not a fan of the bright colored hair though.
#28
being overly emotional!! i feel like so many people see it as weakness or whatever, but as long as it’s healthy i think it’s really great to be able to express emotions
#29
Absorbed in their hobbies/their work. I love that. Go buck wild, even if it’s obsessive. Also because bruh I have a terrible rest/production ratio. I need someone who understands. LOL
Duckie Measles 1 year ago
Enjoy your hobbies but not to the point where you neglect other duties and it becomes unhealthy. I used to play the sims and would have emotional breakdowns over them dying lol
#30
Temper. Because I have one too. As long as it’s not abusive - physically or emotionally- I totally get flying off the handle and yelling about s**t sometimes.
What do you think ?
Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 year ago
Surprised at myself that I agreed with most of these. Takes all sorts
Kevin J. Henning 1 year ago
Depending on the person(s) there are red flags and then there are RED FLAGS.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 year ago
Surprised at myself that I agreed with most of these. Takes all sorts
Kevin J. Henning 1 year ago
Depending on the person(s) there are red flags and then there are RED FLAGS.
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