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Hey Pandas, AITA For Going No Contact After My Family Ignored My Wife’s Surgery And Treated Me Like A Wallet?
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If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
Long story, pardon me for that.
I am one of 5 siblings, 3 girls and 2 boys. My parents were well educated, but my father was an industrial worker. I was very good in school up to middle school. The fall in grades occurred due to physical abuse by both parents.
My father would beat me in sessions that would last for up to an hour, with a leather strap he kept for the purpose. He often threatened to burn me with lit cigarettes
Image credits: Hill Country Camera (not the actual photo)
I got married 20 years ago, and the abuse increased. Once, I was locked out of the family home for a silly reason
Image credits: StockSnap (not the actual photo)
My wife was verbally abused for no reason — a long list of aggressive behaviours. I moved across the country, a 10-hour drive away, to escape the toxic situation.
Then, whenever I went to meet the family, I was treated like a stranger they must put up with — not included in family news or activities. My siblings were a part of this behaviour.
My wife underwent major invasive surgery; no one came to visit her in the hospital. She was alone at home in bed post-surgery as I had to travel for work. The family refused to come and stay with her, so I had to ask a friend’s mother-in-law to come over for two weeks. Practical strangers helped, while the family refused.
My entire salary was given to the family for 7 years, and 20% of my salary for 10 years thereafter to support them, yet I was still treated like an outcast
Image credits: juno1412 (not the actual photo)
I would still get demands to pay for medical expenses, which I paid — until I decided to break contact 6 months ago when things went too far.
My niece got engaged, but I was not invited to the celebrations, even though I was in town. She got married, but I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t shown pictures of the events, though I asked — they said they “forgot” to take pictures. Nothing was done to make us feel included.
They have planned a wedding party next month, but no personal invitation was given, even though there was plenty of physical contact. I just got an SMS saying we should try to buy nice clothes for an upcoming party — so that is like an indirect invitation, probably because many other people questioned our lack of attendance for previous engagements.
I have decided to break all contact with the family, as the disrespect crossed a red line. The family now complains to my wife that I haven’t called in 6 months, while no one called me to ask why I don’t call.
Certainly, we won’t attend the wedding party.
AITA for the estrangement? My family says I’m the A.
Moderator’s note
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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Poll Question
How do you feel about the author's decision to break contact with their family?
Fully support the decision
Understand the decision but have reservations
Think reconciliation is better
Oppose the decision completely
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What do you think ?
Jennifer Clayton 4 days ago
The hardest part of cutting off my a*****e parents was admitting that they don't love me. Almost as hard, convincing myself it isn't my fault they don't love me. You need to protect yourself and your family from these monsters. You will absolutely get burned every time you run back into that fire. I understand the urge, it's hardwired in our brains and bodies to seek love from our parents. But they sickened that connection until it died. Save yourself. Or your self esteem will go so far down you'll stop wanting to be saved.
Vinnie 4 days ago
Giving up on people can be hard, but necessary. Grieving the end can be complicated and hard, but it is still better than maintaining the relationship.
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LilliVB 4 days ago
He waited even too long. I would have cut contact as soon as possible with the parents because of the abusé and subsequently I would have cut contact with the siblings after the first pair of times that they have excluded him. What good are they to his happiness and mental health if they are just all downright toxic.
Vinnie 4 days ago
Easy answer: go ahead and break off with your biological family. Long list of why they're the problem: They treat you like an annoying stranger. Your father was physically a.busiv.e; your family commited financial ab.use. No one has shown remorse. It wouldn't surprise me if they invited you to a party only because of what other people think - which would mean that they care far more about explaining your absence than about keeping a connection with you.
Nils Skirnir 3 days ago
Get a dna test. They may not even be biological family
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Jennifer Clayton 4 days ago
The hardest part of cutting off my a*****e parents was admitting that they don't love me. Almost as hard, convincing myself it isn't my fault they don't love me. You need to protect yourself and your family from these monsters. You will absolutely get burned every time you run back into that fire. I understand the urge, it's hardwired in our brains and bodies to seek love from our parents. But they sickened that connection until it died. Save yourself. Or your self esteem will go so far down you'll stop wanting to be saved.
Vinnie 4 days ago
Giving up on people can be hard, but necessary. Grieving the end can be complicated and hard, but it is still better than maintaining the relationship.
Load More Replies... LilliVB 4 days ago
He waited even too long. I would have cut contact as soon as possible with the parents because of the abusé and subsequently I would have cut contact with the siblings after the first pair of times that they have excluded him. What good are they to his happiness and mental health if they are just all downright toxic.
Vinnie 4 days ago
Easy answer: go ahead and break off with your biological family. Long list of why they're the problem: They treat you like an annoying stranger. Your father was physically a.busiv.e; your family commited financial ab.use. No one has shown remorse. It wouldn't surprise me if they invited you to a party only because of what other people think - which would mean that they care far more about explaining your absence than about keeping a connection with you.
Nils Skirnir 3 days ago
Get a dna test. They may not even be biological family
Load More Replies...
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