Philomena spilling the truth 💀

Hogfather covered this pretty well. Death: [reads a list] The boy wants a pair of trousers that he doesn't have to share, a huge meat pie, a sugar mouse, "a lot of toys" and a puppy named Scruff. Albert: Ah, how sweet. I shall wipe away a tear, 'cause what he's getting, see, is this wooden toy and an apple. Death: But the letter clearly... Albert: I know. It's the socio-economic factors. The world would be in a hell of a mess, eh, if everyone got what they asked for. Death: I gave them what they wanted in the store... Albert: Yeah, well, what good is a god that gives you everything you want? Death: You have me there. Albert: It's the HOPE that's important. It's a big part of belief. I mean to say, you give people jam today and they'll just sit and eat it. But jam tomorrow, now... that'll keep them going for ever. Death: And you mean that because of this the poor get poor things and the rich get rich things?

Oh my. Ouch!

Earthquake903

Earthquake903

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True that Miss Cunk. Tell your mate Paul I said hello 👋

I love her :D

Janissary35680

Janissary35680

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“If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean morality comes from morons?”

Heavy.

I don't like that username

Living in poverty? Maybe you're worshipping the wrong god. Stop dreaming about killing unbelievers, and start earning today!

and that is why the big, expensive presents should always come from mom, dad, grandma & pa, and other family members. Let Santa bring the smaller gifts.

😔

Sad...

Yes. And I bitterly regret it to this very day.

Yeah that drives me crazy lol

Because I read the message in case it’s an emergency, which in most cases it isn’t, and am too busy with something to reply right away. Then I forget about it and don’t remember until days later, at which point I‘m too embarrassed to reply at all.

I'm ready, I've always been ready

Are they a thing anywhere except the USA? Totally foreign concept in my country!

Aaah, the wonders of the trickle-down dictatorship

Same day , different years

Earthquake903

Earthquake903

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Is he gonna put it on the fridge when you're done?

And to drink ma'am? Water

I swear my ears do that on the pillow side

Hahaha well that's now one of my new years goals

A good chef is like a good friend, they have the ability to pay attention to something else beside their own drama.

No one can dunk on you harder than your mom

(eats like ten breath mints for good measure) there we go, that'll REALLY show them.

Or you only meant to think it.

You'll be dead you won't care

When you have to read the same comment over and over 'cause you keep zoning out.

I start panicking that the cross between the image means do u want to mute? And not you are muted

Earthquake903

Earthquake903

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Omg, you were a sturdy child to survive a two story fall

As annoying as an inflamated testicle! 🕷

My fiancé got married while I was deployed. A friend’s wife ran away from Utah to LA with a rock band. They were LDS

I go shopping with my mum a lot, mainly because I don't have any friends to go with and every time I end up regretting it. It takes her 3x as long to look through a store as it takes me.

Most likely he already had the quarter palmed in his hand and was messing with you.

Family, like the Jupiters.

Welp

Tickets are the bigger risk, n doubt. Scalpers are a bigger problem than airlines, despite the latter's best efforts.

I'd loved to have been that guy/girl in school that had it all figured out or had a talent. Or even had parents that made an effort to guide me in anyway. The older you get, the more doors close while your figuring out where your jigsaw piece fits.

This one time I slept funny and completely lost feeling in my foot. Not pins and needles, I just couldn't feel it at all. Then it got better. Kinda confusing.

Holy carpet. That is a creepy idea.

I was having suicidal thoughts a while back. my friend helped me cope with it by googling most painless suicide methods and reading the wiki page with me. how utterly unsympathetic she was actually really helped for some reason.

You are asking out of curiosity.

Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

I say ouch when my character in a video game gets hurt