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Because I’m not just carrying around a hot chocolate for nothing.

Besties need to know they’re appreciated this year.

Obvs not – but if it’s folklore it must be true.

To send to your friends desperate for a new POTUS next year.

For the pessimists of the world…

And it just so happens to be a beautiful Anthro pillow that I bought you… SOZ!

Elf on the Shelf burial site?!

For those poor souls with December birthdays.

Maybe a little bit of both?

It’s fine, everything is fine.

Let mom and dad know the TRUTH this year.

Anyone that needs to hear this rn, hear it.

8 days of booze!

Well, it wasn’t just going to say “Shalom”

He’s just not interested in wishing you a Happy Hanukkah this year, is he

Not really kidding tho!

Because true holiday spirit comes in pretty glasses.

C’mon you know you wanted to do this when you were a teenager.

*gasps*

*shrug* Probs, anyway.

I’ll take a thousand Christmas cookies, thx

Listen bro, it should be an honor to be related to this queen.

My, you’re the best elf of all…

A dash? A pinch? A dusting? WTF there’s so much of all of this.

Except wait, Christmas is a hoax invented by the Chinese right?

Maybe. Just maybe. (v likely)

Long distance friends get ready to check the mailbox.

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