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Mom Has To Deal With CPS After Losing Her Husband Thanks To BIL, Can’t Forgive Him
In-law relationships don’t always have to be complicated. However, it only takes one overbearing relative who lacks respect for boundaries to ruin everything and create a rift within the family.
A woman dealt with this headache with her brother-in-law, who demanded more time with her children. When she refused, he called Child Protective Services out of spite. The worst part is that it all happened while she grieved the loss of her husband.
All her in-laws have since piled on her, pushing her to ask the internet for answers.
RELATED:
A woman was at odds with her brother-in-law, who disrespected her boundaries
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It began when he demanded to spend more time with her children
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After she refused, the BIL called Child Protective Services out of spite
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Eventually, all of her in-laws began piling on her
Image credits: Aita6096
Image credits: Edmond Dantès / Pexels (not the actual photo)
People act out of spite to gratify their egos when they feel wronged
The brother-in-law was willing to put the woman and her children in a potentially traumatic situation just because she said no to his request. He was seemingly letting his spiteful feelings get the best of him.
Author and former clinical psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer says spiteful acts are comparable to addictive syndromes and carry an addictive sensation. In an article for Psychology Today, he explains that spiteful behavior can “soothe a dysphoric state of mind” because it can be both “mood-changing” and “consciousness-altering.”
Dr. Seltzer adds that people are willing to go to great lengths to satisfy their spiteful urges, even if it means blowing things out of proportion and causing immense damage. It’s likely why the brother-in-law went as far as calling Child Protective Services to put the woman in a difficult situation.
“It’s to gain a mental or emotional advantage over the other, and, given what’s driving the behavior, considerations of how it might negatively affect your own welfare simply fade from view,” Dr. Seltzer wrote.
The brother-in-law’s behavior, unfortunately, caused more pain to the woman, who was still grieving her husband’s passing. It forced her to set boundaries, which sent a message that she wasn’t tolerating his actions.
Experts like licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle Landeros advise adjusting interactions, such as limiting visits. As she tells The Knot, it “respects family bonds while maintaining comfortable boundaries.”
The woman was within her rights to forbid her brother-in-law to visit her children, given how traumatic the CPS episode must’ve been for her. Unfortunately, it created family drama that added to her heartbreak and grief.
The woman provided more information in the comments
Many readers condemned the BIL for his actions
However, some faulted the author for refusing her in-laws to help despite being “overworked”
Poll Question
What would be your primary concern if another relative wanted to be your child's guardian?
Their capabilities as a guardian
Their intentions
Their relationship with your child
The legal implications
What do you think ?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 1 week ago
I'd make sure that BIL's behaviour with regards to CPS is well documented. Then formally have your mother and another backup assigned as your children's guardians in the event of your demise. And then inform BIL that his plans have been chopped off at the knees and that he's never seeing them again.
UpupaEpops 1 week ago
At this point I would start reporting him to the police to have his machinations on the record then get a lawyer involved to see if a no contact order can be arranged. And let the school know that under no circumstances does he get to take the kids.
Load More Replies...
Michelle C 1 week ago
The YTA responses are infuriating! Those responses are from people who either A. Never been in this type of situation, B. Would probably express the same type of entitlement the BIL did if they were, or C. Just plain stupid. How are you going to slam a mother for working more to take care of her family, especially after she said they never offer to help just criticize, after losing her husband who probably also contributed to the household!?! Those in-laws need to mind their Ps&Qs because they have no right to those children only the parents do and if they want to have a relationship with those children BIL needs to humble himself and realize there's no law on his side.
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
He tried to TAKE her kids from her because she wouldn't give him more time. Seems predatory to me. Get formal documentation of this because this can only escalate badly.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 1 week ago
I'd make sure that BIL's behaviour with regards to CPS is well documented. Then formally have your mother and another backup assigned as your children's guardians in the event of your demise. And then inform BIL that his plans have been chopped off at the knees and that he's never seeing them again.
UpupaEpops 1 week ago
At this point I would start reporting him to the police to have his machinations on the record then get a lawyer involved to see if a no contact order can be arranged. And let the school know that under no circumstances does he get to take the kids.
Load More Replies... Michelle C 1 week ago
The YTA responses are infuriating! Those responses are from people who either A. Never been in this type of situation, B. Would probably express the same type of entitlement the BIL did if they were, or C. Just plain stupid. How are you going to slam a mother for working more to take care of her family, especially after she said they never offer to help just criticize, after losing her husband who probably also contributed to the household!?! Those in-laws need to mind their Ps&Qs because they have no right to those children only the parents do and if they want to have a relationship with those children BIL needs to humble himself and realize there's no law on his side.
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
He tried to TAKE her kids from her because she wouldn't give him more time. Seems predatory to me. Get formal documentation of this because this can only escalate badly.
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