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138 Honest Valentine’s Day Cards For Unconventional Romantics

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If your perfect Valentine's day ideas consist of hating everyone who likes this festivity, then you've clicked on the right post. And it's an even better match if you hate the kitschy side of Valentine's Day, yet like to impress your significant other of how much you don't care about it anyway. In that case, we have a selection of very ironical, deeply sarcastic, totally un-romantic Valentine cards for you to greet your loved one without getting all pukey cute.

Most of us have had enough of the typical Hallmark-style love cards (not that there's anything wrong with them). For couples and romantic singles with a sense of humor or an unconventional approach to romance, there are fun and creative greeting cards like these!

Sure, some of them are not the most romantic greeting cards out there (not that you were looking for one, anyhow), but you've got to give them to the right person for them to be effective. If there's a pant-nullifying Valentine's Day card that you think we've missed, you can add it to this list and vote for your favorite what-you-see-is-what-you-get cards as well!

(h/t: huffpost)

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

F*ck Valentine's Day

Final score:

139points

ParkaMan 9 years ago

=)

8points

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#2

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

129points

KarenSobaski 9 years ago

A valentine card for Norman with love from the Cat Lady.

9points

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#3

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

123points

ToneGasteiger 9 years ago

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! :) XX

7points

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#4

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

122points

DeeYoungs 9 years ago

LOVE it!!! hahahahahha

3points

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#5

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

118points

DianaBerulyte 9 years ago

The best one! :) :) :)

5points

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#6

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

109points

SabineKarlsson 9 years ago

Goood one! :D

4points

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#7

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

107points

DeeYoungs 9 years ago

1st world problems!!! hahahaha

4points

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#8

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

105points

SabineKarlsson 9 years ago

Not very mature, but I like this one ... :D

4points

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#9

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

102points

DeeYoungs 9 years ago

hubbie would appreciate this one!

4points

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#10

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

101points

YakhtarAli 9 years ago

hell yeah... hahaha this made my day :D

5points

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#11

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

100points

HardBoiled 9 years ago

like this one

4points

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#12

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

94points

msdyto 9 years ago

you too

2points

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#13

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

93points

9 years ago

jiji :)

4points

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#14

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

92points

JanisPederson 9 years ago

Reality! Ugh!

5points

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#15

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

92points

AleenaLiu 9 years ago

ha! my fave

3points

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#16

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

85points

BabyKangeroo7 9 years ago

DAMN LIKE MY ROOM AM I RIGHT?

1point

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#17

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

64points

ImranaNajafee 9 years ago

now that's love

4points

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#18

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

60points

$copper.fractions avatar$

ElliotLord 9 years ago

Did Ned Flanders make this one?!

4points

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#19

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

56points

KrunaPoštić 9 years ago

aaaaaaaaaaaa

2points

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#20

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

49points

DeeYoungs 9 years ago

cheeky!!!!!

3points

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#21

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

48points

Sonali Bhatt 7 years ago

Nice List. Very creative and nice cards. Find more gifts @ http://www.valentine.gifts/

1point

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#22

Like Kanye Loves Kanye

Final score:

36points

JohannaHegermann 9 years ago

This is just true love!

1point

#23

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

34points

shazzer 9 years ago

i dnt think thats possible im a pro biatch lol xx

4points

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#24

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

34points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

Did I write that?

1point

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#25

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

33points

JoannaVoll 9 years ago

That's totally me ;)

3points

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#26

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

32points

Liliana Mello 1 year ago

That's not what a dementor does they take away all your happy memories leave you with your worst memories then they take your soul

0points

#27

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

31points

#28

Every Irritating Minute

Final score:

30points

AbiezerCelzo224352 9 years ago

one of the sweetest ones so far

1point

#29

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

28points

Melea Miller 1 year ago

🤣🤣🤣

0points

#30

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

28points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

I've gotten this card - from men.

2points

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#31

I'm Still Not Sick Of You

Final score:

28points

Michael Kazarnowicz

Akanksha Patel 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-2points

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#32

You Are The Bacon To My Eggs

Final score:

27points

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#33

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

26points

#34

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

25points

#35

Valentine's Day Card "you Are My Favorite Nerd"

Final score:

25points

Akanksha Patel 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-2points

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#36

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

24points

#37

Cute Best Friends Valentines Card,you And I Are More Than Friends, We' Like A Really Small Gang

Final score:

24points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

in my minds eye, when I want to be BAD

1point

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#38

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

23points

#39

You Warm My Cold Black Heart

Final score:

23points

#40

Wood Card "popcorn To My Film"

Final score:

22points

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#41

You're My Favorite Bitch To Bitch About Bitches With

Final score:

22points

#42

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

21points

#43

Us Because Everyone Else Sucks

Final score:

21points

#44

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

20points

ParkaMan 9 years ago

xD hahahaha

5points

#45

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

20points

Lorien 8 years ago

Whoa.. that's saying a LOT

3points

#46

#95

Final score:

20points

msdyto 9 years ago

ok i won't

3points

#47

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

19points

Alisha Chohan 5 years ago

oH mY gAwAd

1point

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#48

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

18points

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#49

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

18points

#50

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

18points

#51

Tolerant Panda

Final score:

16points

#52

I Hate You

Final score:

15points

#53

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

14points

Kip The Otter 5 years ago (edited)

The perfect card for Dwight Schrute!

2points

#54

Anti - Valentine's Card - This Is Not A Valentine

Final score:

13points

#55

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

12points

#56

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

12points

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#57

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

12points

#58

Lorem To My Ipsum

Final score:

12points

#59

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

11points

Lauren Michlin 5 years ago

what is up with those pigs??

1point

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#60

I'm So Glad I Found You

Final score:

11points

#61

Greeting Card "stay With Me" For Valentine's Day

Final score:

11points

#62

You Complete Me ...in An Incomplete Way

Final score:

11points

Suricata (Submission author) 9 years ago

If you like it you can download the card for free here! https://www.behance.net/gallery/23379947/Free-Alternative-Greeting-Card

1point

#63

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

10points

#64

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

10points

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#65

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

10points

#66

Valentine's Card - I Love Your Beard - Beard Love

Final score:

10points

#67

Nuts About You

Final score:

10points

#68

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

8points

#69

Go Away

Final score:

8points

#70

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

7points

#71

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

7points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

Duh-oh. But if it bombs as a Valentine try again on Presidents Day.

1point

#72

More Than I Love Meat

Final score:

7points

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#73

Oatmeal Horrible Cards

Final score:

7points

Kathy N Mike Chu

msdyto 9 years ago

welp, ill keep that in mind

2points

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#74

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

6points

#75

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

6points

#76

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

5points

#77

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

5points

#78

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

5points

#79

I Love You More Than I Love Pizza From Zazzle

Final score:

5points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

but don't tell Pizza

1point

#80

Oatmeal Horrible Cards

Final score:

5points

Kathy N Mike Chu

Lorien 8 years ago

I couldn't stop laughing..

1point

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#81

So Valentine. Very Like. Much Heart. Wow. Doge Shiba Inu

Final score:

5points

#82

Worst Candy Ever

Final score:

5points

#83

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

4points

GheaPerida 9 years ago

Phenom....a**l?

4points

#84

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

4points

#85

'rough' By Corrina Rothwell

Final score:

4points

Corrina Rothwell

#86

I'm In The Bush Outside And I Really Love You

Final score:

4points

#87

Parks And Rec April And Andy's Wedding Quote

Final score:

4points

#88

I'd Let You Have The Last Slice...

Final score:

4points

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#89

Left Shark Is Right

Final score:

4points

#90

So Fresh

Final score:

4points

#91

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

3points

#92

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

3points

#93

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

3points

#94

I Want To Twerk With You

Final score:

3points

#95

You Make My Life Less Shit

Final score:

3points

#96

Adventure Time Bmo

Final score:

3points

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#97

You. Pants Off. Now

Final score:

3points

Lorien 8 years ago

My favorite so far!!

2points

#98

Let's Get Knotty

Final score:

3points

#99

I'm Lost Without You

Final score:

3points

#100

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

2points

#101

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

2points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

intro to Role Play 101

1point

#102

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

2points

#103

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

2points

#104

Stealth Abs

Final score:

2points

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#105

Calculus Love... Limit Of My Attraction To You Does Not Exist

Final score:

2points

Roger Beukes 7 years ago

From the graph, "the limit of my attraction to you as it approaches infinity" is actually zero, and not "it does not exist".

2points

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#106

#22

Final score:

2points

RibaHaroon 9 years ago

L.O.V.E!!

0points

#107

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

1point

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

sent that to my last boyfriend.

2points

#108

Your Assets Make My Stock Index Rise

Final score:

1point

#109

Cactus Legs

Final score:

1point

#110

Dat Ass

Final score:

1point

#111

You're Allllll I Think About.....

Final score:

1point

#112

bemein

Final score:

1point

Rich Uspel 6 years ago

The FBI has traced some White House communications . . . This one was signed, " Mit all meiner Liebe immer, Stevie, Wir haben es in ein Bordell verwandelt, Bruder!"

0points

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#113

Unknown Anniversary

Final score:

1point

#114

Thank You Bar Graph Of Awesomeness

Final score:

1point

#115

I Love You More Than Pizza

Final score:

0points

Sunny Boardman 5 years ago

don't tell pizza

1point

#116

I'll Give You The V Later...

Final score:

0points

#117

Nice Cock

Final score:

0points

#118

You'll Do...

Final score:

0points

Angie Danger-Bear

#119

No Thanks...

Final score:

0points

Angie Danger-Bear

#120

Bite Me.

Final score:

0points

Angie Danger-Bear

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#121

'role Play'

Final score:

-1point

Corrina Rothwell

#122

Fuck Buddy By Snarkbitecards

Final score:

-1point

#123

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

-2points

#124

'bridal Wear'

Final score:

-2points

Corrina Rothwell

#125

Holla

Final score:

-2points

Šimun Šunjić

#126

Fuck Buddy By Snarkbitecards

Final score:

-3points

#127

See Other People By Snarkbitecards

Final score:

-3points

#128

See Other People By Snarkbitecards

Final score:

-4points

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#129

This submission is hidden. Click here to view.

#129

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

-5points

#130

This submission is hidden. Click here to view.

#130

Funny Valentine's Day Cards

Final score:

-10points

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Ochuko Evidence 1 year ago

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on My Starbucks Idea. We love engaging with our customers. The My Starbucks Idea community is a great way to see which ideas matter most in an open conversation with other Starbucks fans. Nice blog! The following are ranking content that can be of help to you in any way. So feel free to explore them on https://www.tecreals.com How to Find Private Browsing History on an Android 10 Best Kinesiology Programs in 2023 – Best Kinesiology Programs Is It Safe to Use Mobile Data for Banking? How to Create a New Folder on Android Highest Paid Lawyers – Top 10 Highest-Paid Lawyers How to Enable Haptic Feedback on an iPhone Keyboard How to Hide Likes on Your Instagram Account How to master Infrared Photography with your iPhone

0points

Hiruni Mabulage 4 years ago

Give your loved-once an unusual gift this valentine's day!!!!Make your "Love Book" Saying why you love someone, just for $99.50. Will ship within 6 - 9 days via Premium fast FREE Shipping. You can buy via below link https://www.etsy.com/listing/774104485/customized-love-book-with-reasons-why?ref=listings_manager_grid

0points

MeganKay 8 years ago

leaving this here for later

0points

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Ochuko Evidence 1 year ago

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on My Starbucks Idea. We love engaging with our customers. The My Starbucks Idea community is a great way to see which ideas matter most in an open conversation with other Starbucks fans. Nice blog! The following are ranking content that can be of help to you in any way. So feel free to explore them on https://www.tecreals.com How to Find Private Browsing History on an Android 10 Best Kinesiology Programs in 2023 – Best Kinesiology Programs Is It Safe to Use Mobile Data for Banking? How to Create a New Folder on Android Highest Paid Lawyers – Top 10 Highest-Paid Lawyers How to Enable Haptic Feedback on an iPhone Keyboard How to Hide Likes on Your Instagram Account How to master Infrared Photography with your iPhone

0points

Hiruni Mabulage 4 years ago

Give your loved-once an unusual gift this valentine's day!!!!Make your "Love Book" Saying why you love someone, just for $99.50. Will ship within 6 - 9 days via Premium fast FREE Shipping. You can buy via below link https://www.etsy.com/listing/774104485/customized-love-book-with-reasons-why?ref=listings_manager_grid

0points

MeganKay 8 years ago

leaving this here for later

0points

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